Feel like I've lost all my friends since becoming pregnant

[Effiex08]

I'm 31 and currently pregnant with my first baby. I had a big group of girl friends from university. We all work in the same field and stayed close throughout our 20s. I stopped drinking and partying a few years ago and felt like I was a bit of an outsider in the group, but was still included in things. Since I've become pregnant I feel like I've been ghosted! This weekend I went onto social media and saw 8 of the girls on a weekend away together. I had no idea this was even happening. Yes, I probably wouldn't have gone on the trip, but I have heard radio silence for quite a while on the group chats and assumed everyone was just busy, but now I realise a new chat must exist without me which feels quite sad.
When I told them I was pregnant, a few of them liked the message, a few replied to stay congrats but not a single one of them has asked me how I'm getting on.
I know this is just life and not all friendships last forever and I am SO grateful for everything that's to come, but I can't help but feel upset. Am I being unreasonable?!

They don’t sound like friends to me…just like a bunch of people you have socialised with over the years getting pissed on nights out…..then you grew up first ….nothing too deep…..aquantnaces more than friends…..it will happen gradually and naturally that the group will disband over time….unless a couple have a friends relationship going on outside the group.,,,,concentrate on your real friends….the ones you spend time with….have coffee with….have over to yours for meals…..the one that message you at 5pm to ask if you want to go to ikea to have meatballs for your tea……the ones that you walk your dog with and chat about everything and anything……the ones that you can phone when you feeling a bit down and chat for hours……don’t waste your time or energy on the other people….move on …..congratulations

Honestly once your baby comes you won't care less about these people, you've outgrown them and moved on. Look forwards not backwards.
Start looking into groups you can go to with your new baby when they arrive x

You're not being unreasonable to feel a bit sad about this but it's completely normal and not a reflection on you. You are obviously at a very different life stage to them even before getting pregnant so it's natural they won't think to include you if they're still into drinking and partying and you've settled down and are now pregnant. I very much spent my thirties still drinking, partying and travelling before having kids in my 40s so I saw my friendship group change significantly over that time as others settled down earlier. Some friendships lasted the distance (mostly those who still wanted to go out/travel regularly despite their kids) but many didn't or the relationships changed and that's just life, people have different priorities at different times. Ideally they would check in with you to see how you're doing but it probably doesn't occur to them given they have no idea what pregnancy is like and are in a totally different headspace. You'll meet lots of new friends once your baby is born through NCT, baby classes then school etc and once your old friends start settling down themselves you'll no doubt pick up with them again too.

It sounds like you’re the first to get pregnant and your life is heading in a different direction now.

This is actually fairly common OP, I went through the same phase with one group of friends, not as extreme as your story though. They came back around when they all had kids a few weeks later but I always feel like I'm a fairweather friend.

One 'friend' tried to make my pregnancy about her. I told her in person and after congratulations etc she started saying she didn't realise that's the stage we were at, I guess now everyone is going to have babies, I suppose you won't be going on our weekends away anymore, you know you can't come with a baby, I hope you get a good babysitter and still come out with us, you won't be talking about your baby all the time will you because that's really boring etc etc. I was gobsmacked and very upset and while we still are in the same circles the one to one contact stopped. Still annoys me when I think of it.

This happens when you’re the first or last (if a lot later) to have children unfortunately.
You’ll find out who your real friends are in a few years when you’re all in a similar position. I have friends where we all had our children around the same time. In those first few crazy years it’s hard to maintain friendships anyway, we found we ended up communicating by sending memes in those unsociable hours of the night/early morning that will become all too familiar to you soon. Like no one had time to ever write any message of significance, it was just funny memes about how hard it is, or the odd line “sorry, meant to reply but chicken pox/hand foot and mouth/ D&V”. Then we came back together as the children started to become more independent. This is fairly normal. It’s part of the isolation I’d say most women feel when they become mothers to an extent.
But for those where you reach different stages at different times it’s almost impossible to maintain. You’ll find even those who make the effort with you just won’t “get it”.
I’d focus on making some new friends. Maybe try antenatal yoga classes or something.

They sound like a bunch of cowbags. How disappointing.

Reassuring, but a shame to hear this is common. I totally have a new found appreciation for how isolating pregnancy can feel. I'm sure some of the girls will try and reach out in the future if they decide to have children.
I am definitely keen to make new mum friends so that will be my priority to connect with like minded women in the New Year before the baby comes!

Honestly OP, pregnancy and babies just aren’t interesting for people who aren’t in that headspace. Sounds brutal but when I was younger if someone said they were pregnant, I mentally wrote them off as I knew they wouldn’t be coming out with us for a few years. And I was right! Obviously doesn’t apply to friendships groups who aren’t into drinking/ partying/ travelling / theatre/ big sports events, etc, as their lives are probably more compatible with kid-friendly activities, like going for coffee etc.

I now have 2 young kids and I have some childfree friends who have tried to keep up with me but it seems a bit pointless as they keep asking me to do things I’m not interested in/ can’t manage, even though the old me would have loved them. Luckily most of my friends had kids at the same time as me (mid-30s) so we’ve all moved on together.

Time to make some new friends at the same stage as you, so you all want to do the same things.

This is exactly why I tend to quietly drop friends once they start having babies - the supercilious attitude that they’re so super mature and grown up now and they’ve “outgrown” people who don’t want to be parents. It’s tedious and not worth hanging around to put up with, I have plenty of other friends.

Oh give over. She's outgrown them because they're a bunch of heavy drinkers who've chosen to ostracise her. All of this PRIOR to her getting pregnant so nothing to do with that. Sorry for trying to make a woman feel better!

As for "super mature" and "grown up now" my child free friends are more "mature" than me ie having good jobs and mortgages whereas I'm a hot mess but you go on making all these lovely assumptions about other women:)

Sorry to hear you’re having a shit time with people you thought were good friends, OP. & congratulations on your pregnancy 💐

Your friends don’t sound very emotionally mature, I’m sorry to say. Even if babies and parenthood are at the bottom of their priorities right now, they should atleast be happy and excited for you and want to make an effort to see you. But sadly it sounds like their social lives centre around alcohol. So YANBU to feel the way you do.

I hope you meet like minded mums that you can makes friends with soon, and I hope the friends that have shown little interest soon realise that just because a new baby is on the way - doesn’t mean friendships end.

I’m in a girl group (late 20’s, early 30’s) of a mixture of mums and child free girls - the kids range from newborn to 7yo and we all make the effort to get together, do things just as adults and do days out with the kids. The child free girls are all the kids “aunties”. So I promise that not all child free women will drop their pregnant friends and friends who are mums & I really hope your friends make more of an effort with you going forwards xx

Appreciate your support! Not sure a parenting forum sounds like the right place if that's their mindset. However it offers an insight into the mindset of some of my "friends" potentially!
I have another close friend who has no desire to have kids and I know we'll remain friends despite leading very different lives and not seeing each other often - it's still interesting to catch up and hear each other's stories and perspectives, but I guess not everyone thinks like that. Like everyone's said, it's clear they weren't real friends, just seems a shame to be ghosted really!