To be so freaked out

[Mamamover]

Hi 👋

Just to caveat I suffer with severe OCD and health anxiety please don’t rip me to shreds! Although I know it is to be expected in this category...

Our family of 5 are currently in the throes of horrendous flu and as a result we have had lots of bed sheets changes!

I stripped my 5 year olds bed this morning and to my horror saw dried blood on the sheet. I knew instantly it was from me yesterday as I cut my leg shaving and then knelt on his mattress to tidy his bed.

He would’ve got in bed last night with my dried blood on his sheet and I was totally unaware! I’m disgusted with myself and feel terrible about it.

I work with blood and needles (about to quit as my ocd can’t take anymore of the blood borne virus risks and I drive myself to vomiting after every shift). I test myself every 3 months for this reason. I don’t need to test for another 4 weeks and i’m so worried that if i’ve contracted something, then my son now has contracted it from my blood on the bed? He has a small cut on his foot (not bleeding enough or big enough to have been his blood on the bed ) so i’m worried that could be entry point for my blood to go into.

Im so thorough with these things and can’t believe I didn’t notice. I feel sick with worry.

My husband is sick of it and thinks i’m being ridiculous, but in my head it makes logical sense?

AIBU/OTT/Ridiculous?

Yes you are being OTT. Nothing to worry about.

your feelings are valid.
OCD is such a horrible thing to battle with and it definitely can drive you to a thought process that is over the top and irrational. but this is the way it works and drives you to be.
I dont know the way blood diseases transfer but as far as I am aware he would have had to be rubbing his open wound into the fresh blood.
can you test yourself early to ease your anxiety?
whilst this would potentially be seen as an over reaction its also important to help yourself

You are being totally OTT but it sounds like you know that. For him to contract something from your blood, he would have needed to have an open wound himself, and your blood would need to be fresh not dried on a bedsheet. What are the odds of that?

(with absolute & utmost kindness) yes, of course you are being ridiculous but I can totally see why the combo of your job & OCD has made you feel like this, so though ridiculous it's understandable :)

Presumably you get help with your OCD?

You know this is your OCD talking and if you were in a rational mindset you wouldn't have given it a second thought.

I do but It’s early days and i’m yet to see any progress.

@Mamamover Then you must take it easy on yourself. I imagine these things take time. But I'm certain your son will be absolutely fine & you've not failed in any way at all

You are being totally irrational. This is your illness speaking.

Former phlebotomist here- you're both safe.

It would be a 1 in billions chance that you A. Have a blood borne virus, B. The blood was fresh and in liquid form by the time he got into bed and C. That he'd have an open wound he'd managed to get your blood in.

I'm very careful with keeping things clean, especially when it comes to bodily fluids, illness etc but I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this.

I hope you understand I'm saying this for perspective- but a normal thought process when finding blood on the sheet would be "I wonder how that got there, maybe DC cut his finger or grazed his knee without me knowing. Or maybe it was where I cut my leg when shaving, I must've rubbed it on the sheet. Oh well, hopefully the stain comes out in the wash."

My usual thought process would be more focused on how it got there, and the only impact would be that the sheet could be stained. If there were any lasting thoughts in my head it would be considering my child might have a graze or scab- but it wouldn't worry me if it was a small amount of blood or if I knew fairly certainly where it was from. I can honestly say I wouldn't be bothered at all. Curious at most.

You won't always feel like this, and I truly believe you'll be able to rationalise your thoughts more. It's great you're aware of how your OCD is affecting you though, that's a really important step. Keep going with the support you're getting, keep working at it and believe in yourself and your ability to change.

would love to not give it a second thought! 🙏

Of course you're being OTT. But you know that. It makes no logical sense and your husband is right.

You really, really need help with your anxiety/OCD.

Kindly, you have to get help with your OCD, and really, really engage with it.

OCD makes all your family suffer as well as you.

OK, yes you're being ridiculous, but it's all due to the OCD, and it seems you know that, so take this as an opportunity to try and practice controling your reaction. What might help with this? Do you have any coping strategies you can try?

Dear OP I’m really sorry to hear about your OCD. I have suffered with severe OCD so I know how horrendous it can be. What sort of treatment are you having? It can take a while to work, but is really worth it. With kindness, when you suspect a fear is linked to your OCD it’s a very bad idea to post it in here as that’s a form of reassurance seeking which will only make your OCD worse. Also, can you discuss your job and OCD with a therapist? My OCD also linked to my job at one point and I wanted to quit but I was advised that if I did that the OCD would win, and so would only get worse and attach to another thing. You need to think what’s best in your case, maybe that could be reducing your hours right down and then gradually building up as an exposure? All the best and feel free to PM me x

Your child will be fine.
It's your OCD distorting the reality of the situation. Must be utterly miserable and anxiety provoking for you.

I am OTT about vomit - I can link it back to one of my children in hospital alot and one of the 1st symptoms was vomiting.. so vomit = days in hospital stressing out with a very sick child in my head.

I hope the therapy helps you lots of sympathy.