To think two children is a big mistake?

billionsofpresents · 2024-12-17T12:03:55+00:00

I really enjoy them individually but together they are hideous (4 and 1) and barely manageable sometimes. With one I had spare money - not loads but enough. I could get a bit of me time / downtime. Of course I wouldn’t send one back or anything but jeez. Pretty much all my friends only have one and have more money, time, aren’t teetering on the brink of divorce …

Hankunamatata · 17/12/2024 12:05

I never believed it when people told me but things do get easier once one is in school and when both in school a bit easier again.

Wannabegreenfingers · 17/12/2024 12:07

It does get easier, but then they start arguing over fresh air or in my case this morning, about grating cheese!!

Original poster

billionsofpresents · 17/12/2024 12:07

I know - i feel awful but I can’t wait for DS to start (September birthday so definitely ready!) The only thing is its the afternoons and evenings that are most hideous and school won’t solve that, or will it?

I am hoping when both are at school I’ll have a bit of downtime for one thing and also they’ll be older - one year old is a bit hard work just now!

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Original poster

billionsofpresents · 17/12/2024 12:09

Wannabegreenfingers · 17/12/2024 12:07

It does get easier, but then they start arguing over fresh air or in my case this morning, about grating cheese!!

Oh god I’m there with you -
mine were fighting over the cards in my purse this morning!

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YouveGotAFastCar · 17/12/2024 12:09

What’s hard about the afternoons and evenings? Is there something you can change to make them easier?

Weirdly my friends with two seem a lot happier and more settled than my friends with one!

ABunchOfBadBitches · 17/12/2024 12:09

Mine have a 11 month age gap and are toddlers. Both have disabilities too. It’s hell😂 plus I’m a single parent so it’s totally fucked up

Mangocity · 17/12/2024 12:10

I found one was more demanding. Two relate to each other and don't expect the moon on a stick.

WhatNoRaisins · 17/12/2024 12:12

It's the stage. I think whatever age gap you have it's hard when you've got one who is neither a portable baby nor an older child who can do some of the same things as a sibling.

eastcoasterly · 17/12/2024 12:15

It will get easier as others are saying but what stands out to me is you touch on being on the brink of divorce. That isn't because of how many children you have, that's it's own issue and needs addressing above all else. Having two (or however many) children in a happy marriage works, if you're on the brink of divorce it's time to address your relationship properly together rather than bundling it in with the parenting.

OriginalUsername2 · 17/12/2024 12:15

Stage and age. It will get easier!

Original poster

billionsofpresents · 17/12/2024 12:17

@YouveGotAFastCar i find the mornings are more structured as they are (usually) in fairly good spirits and cheery, will play with toys and listen to their Tonie box. Don’t get me wrong we have the odd squawk / shriek but mostly it’s good. Then we go out. Come back for lunch and things are a bit more irritable and grouchy and boring somehow. By 3 time is dragging, by 5 toys have been strewn everywhere, I’ve dealt with an average of twelve tantrums per hour and I’m frazzled and exhausted.

Yes we can go out in the afternoons and sometimes do but it can work out expensive and anyway we have to come home sometimes!

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Bbqnights · 17/12/2024 12:20

Are you a SAHM? Does your eldest to go nursery or pre school at all?

user87349287657 · 17/12/2024 12:20

Mine were 18mths apart.
An old lady told me that awful toddlers became lovely teenagers, and it’s been true! Hang in there OP, only 13 or so years to go!

WobblyBoots · 17/12/2024 12:20

It will get batter. I have 3 and my youngest 2 DC are around that age. It's really hard going as they both need a lot of attention at that age. My 4 year old just started school and I've definitely got more energy now for the late afternoon/evening as looking after one all day now feels like a breeze!

Original poster

billionsofpresents · 17/12/2024 12:23

Bbqnights · 17/12/2024 12:20

Are you a SAHM? Does your eldest to go nursery or pre school at all?

No and yes. I actually only have one full day with them both (I work three days a week but two days with them in the week was so exhausting and he loves preschool so gave him an extra day.)

But it is 9-3. And the really shit ‘shift’ is the 3-7 one, so I’m not missing that, unfortunately!

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Twoshoesnewshoes · 17/12/2024 12:24

It’s much easier having two IME from mid primary upwards.
you will reap the rewards then!

YouveGotAFastCar · 17/12/2024 12:26

billionsofpresents · 17/12/2024 12:17

@YouveGotAFastCar i find the mornings are more structured as they are (usually) in fairly good spirits and cheery, will play with toys and listen to their Tonie box. Don’t get me wrong we have the odd squawk / shriek but mostly it’s good. Then we go out. Come back for lunch and things are a bit more irritable and grouchy and boring somehow. By 3 time is dragging, by 5 toys have been strewn everywhere, I’ve dealt with an average of twelve tantrums per hour and I’m frazzled and exhausted.

Yes we can go out in the afternoons and sometimes do but it can work out expensive and anyway we have to come home sometimes!

Admittedly I only have one (for a few more months..) but at one, we had to do something morning and afternoon. Neither of us could cope with being in for massive lengths of time or it felt like 5pm was centuries away 😅

We usually did one paid thing - like a playgroup or whatever - and then one free thing, like feeding the ducks or going to the park. I did feel like I lived at the fucking park for a while, but it did work!

I always aimed for a couple of hours at home in the day maximum. Then he’d play while I cooked, and I’d play with him between tea and bed, and it just seemed to flow a bit better than trying to force everyone to be happy at home for long stretches of time. Whenever possible we took snacks/lunch with us, or got something out if finances allowed.

You’re not alone there x

SauvignonBlonk · 17/12/2024 12:28

3 till 7 was always nicknamed the witching hours. It helped to be with other kids till teatime.

Original poster

billionsofpresents · 17/12/2024 12:30

It does depend. Parks are lethal in this weather; I know MN is very ‘puddlesuit and wellies’ but I took them after a rhyme time at the library on Thursday and it was just dangerous. And it gets dark from 4 onwards. I do sometimes but it can very quickly get a bit ‘going from this to that to this.’ I did that with DS and I do worry he doesn’t really know how to play with toys as a result to be honest.

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user1471505494 · 17/12/2024 12:32

I had 16 months between my two and sometimes times were very hard. As they got older trying to get them to different after school activities could be difficult. Once they were teenagers it was easier When the oldest was driving he took his sister to her parties etc and often collected her as well. One night / early morning she had a bit too much alcohol. I heard them come in and DD was saying don’t tell Mum. He made sure she had the sick bucket and water to drink and checked on her in the night
Now they are adults and have teenagers themselves I am very glad they have a sibling to lean on when life gets rough. They are always there for each other and for us

Gem359 · 17/12/2024 12:33

Me and my brother fought all through primary and secondary school, in fact I'd say it got worse as we got older - still don't get on 35 years later! Some kids just don't get on and never will. Having only one was the best decision I ever made, this was made very clear when all my friends were struggling with their two!

Sausagenbacon · 17/12/2024 12:34

You have my absolute sympathy, but, as others have said, it does pass. And I do think only children are worse off than those with siblings. Not that that helps.

Hollyhollyberry · 17/12/2024 12:34

I have a slightly different view, if having two kids means you are on the verge of divorce then I think any stressful situation whether it be kids or a parent death or redundancy could have this affect too the marriage. I think it’s used to reflect on the marriage and if it’s something worth working on so you can survive any stressful situation.

Original poster

billionsofpresents · 17/12/2024 12:35

I’m hoping mine will get on, but we can’t know of course, I have never been one of those people who had another baby for their first child if you like - I always thought I’d have two children and of course DS was born in the midst of COVID so I did feel a sense of having missed out on a ‘proper’ pregnancy maternity leave and so it was nice to do it again properly with DD! But I always tie myself up in knots as if I only had DS now life would be so easy!

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Newbie887 · 17/12/2024 12:39

When they are 4 and 1 it’s sooo much easier to just have one! You literally have double the work with two.

it will even out as the younger one becomes older. They will start to play together and that will tip the balance. It’s hard being the parent of an only child as you always have to be their playmate. Also school hours were the saving of me…I had three age 4 and under at the start
of covid and it nearly broke me. Anyone who tells you it gets harder as they get older is just wrong!!

however I don’t think it’s ever easier having two than one. It will just become equally as easy / hard.