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Original poster

Am I being ungrateful?

37 replies

oaktreeaandme · 17/12/2024 09:28

It's a birthday one.

I woke up at the usual time and went downstairs at the usual time, to find DH wangling the kids so sign my birthday card. It seems the other 24 hours a day of 364 days of the week he was too busy to do this.

I am then presented with my birthday cake while kids are eating cereal - cake still in the box, complete with cellophane wrap.
Taking it out the box clearly too much effort.

Finally a present ... A men's jumper for a sports team that is a very tenuous link to something I like (think being given a Kansas city chiefs jumper just because I occasionally listen to Taylor swift).
I have suffered with weight problems my whole life and although I am a normal weight, my head will never shake the being fat and DH knows this. So why would I want a men's oversized jumper for a team I don't support?

A meal out tonight (I booked table) and a hotel stay (again, I booked). I asked husband what we are doing during the day as we are both off work....his reply 'what would you like to do?'

Next year I am going to book myself a spa trip for 1, no fucks given

OP posts:
MartinCrieffsLemon · 21/12/2024 09:48

I always write cards on the morning. It's one of those little tasks which takes seconds but always seems to slip past me. He didn't do it as you walked in as an "Oh bollocks! Kids quick write Mummy's card" thing by the sound of it. He was getting the kids up (from like 80% of the posts on here that already makes him a winner) and sorting it at the same time.

The cake seems a bit shit but then you were going away so presumably weren't available to do cake in the evening. He was showing you he had the cake, and doing cake with the kids, whilst not then wasting the cake by opening it before you'd eat it. He probably weighed up between that and not doing the cake until the next day but figured you'd at least like to know you had a cake (probably right there, you'd have moaned no cake if he was keeping it to surprise you with).

The gift seems a bit rubbish but if there's a tentative link to something you like that could show more thought. Like he's researched into what to get fans of this thing. And your body issues, well he probably either didn't realise that a men's jumper would set them off (because lots of women happily wear men's clothing, especially sports jerseys) or he thought that buying something which is intentionally big would be nice because you could hide in it but not look obviously hiding because it was designed that way. But I'm going to assume it was the first. And a disappointing birthday gift... they happen sometimes. It's unfortunate but it's what happens.

Considering how you've whinged about everything else. It was probably a good thing you'd booked what you wanted. And he asked what you wanted to do, he wanted to make sure it was what YOU wanted. And you threw that back in his face.

Maybe next time you want to get intimate he should say "after your attitude on your birthday my dick has gone limp"

Sparklystan · 21/12/2024 12:14

RubyTuesday10 · 17/12/2024 09:34

Some people are just a bit rubbish with birthdays. I spent many birthdays feeling upset because my (fairly minimal) expectations were not met. So now I send DH links to presents two weeks before, choose myself a cake and tell him what I’d like to do. He finds that so much easier. It’s probably not romantic but at least I’m taking charge of the situation and giving myself a birthday I can enjoy!!

Edited

Yes, same here. I used to get upset but realised that is just his way. It’s not a reflection of how much he loves me.

he has been to 3 M&S stores this week to find the Christmas cake he knows I love. That’s better than any present he could wrap.

Hedgehogcarer · 21/12/2024 12:26

At least he remembered it was your birthday. My ex wouldn’t have done anything so there was a bit of effort on your husband’s part.

BobbyBiscuits · 21/12/2024 12:30

The gift is appalling! So it's for a sport you don't participate in and strongly follow, of a team you don't support, in the wrong size, aimed at the wrong sex. I think he did a Homer Simpson when he bought Marge a bowling ball! I'd be returning the gift.
Take your mate to the meal and hotel and tell him he's got the kids for today and overnight.

CosyLemur · 21/12/2024 14:55

It's not an half arsed approach it's a loving one!
I'd love to be asked what I'd like to do for my birthday rather than everyone deciding I want a child free evening out.

Exasperated24 · 21/12/2024 14:58

oaktreeaandme · 17/12/2024 09:41

This is where my head is at, I would rather no effort than a half arsed one.

He's just asked if I am going in the shower (I had said yesterday I was going to have a long shower, do my immac etc in anticipation of a nice romantic hotel evening). I've just said given this morning so far, my Fanny has entirely dried up.

Show quote history

Lovely….

CosyLemur · 21/12/2024 15:00

StrawberryWater · 17/12/2024 09:47

No thought went into it, that's the point.

A cake handed to her still in it's cellophane wrapping - could've unwrapped it at least.

Kids signing a card at the breakfast table - could he not have sorted it the night before when he was saying good night to the kids?

A jumper that he seemingly grabbed from a rail because of some tenuous link, which was also for a man which was also in a massive size - Clearly he went out and bought a jumper. Clearly he then also could've gone into the women's section. They're not light years apart in shops. Clearly this is probably a gift for himself.

Then he has the audacity not to plan a meal, not to plan a night away (Op had to do both) and ask her "what would you like to do" when asked what he had planned for the day.

That's appalling. If anyone thinks that's great then they have some really low expectations and that's really sad.

Edited
Show quote history

The way she's moaned about absolutely everything no wonder he's asked her what she would like to do.

I think if he'd have booked the meal and the hotel she'd be moaning about where he'd booked!

Cake still in cellophane makes absolute sense; presumably they weren't going to eat it for breakfast and as they were going away for a few days if he'd opened it again there would be complaints that it was going to go off and be wasted!

biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 15:16

Honestly, none of that would bother me.

YellowAsteroid · 21/12/2024 21:18

I always organise my own birthday. That way I get to do what I want to do.

GreatGardenstuff · 24/12/2024 19:30

I’d be disappointed by the gift, but I’m of the belief that if you want good presents, you drop good links. The rest would be absolutely fine by me; a cake, a card and the choice of how to spend the day - lovely.

SpiritAdder · 24/12/2024 19:42

I don’t think you’d have been happy with anything he did. The kids still faffing about to sign the birthday card he bought you is not a minus. A cake in the box to look forward to is not a minus. A large jumper linked to something you like is listening plus effort and maybe imagining you wearing only that to bed. Going away to a restaurant you like and a hotel you like is not a minus.

There has to be some reason why everything he does you look at like it’s dogshit in your shoe. This doesn’t add up- what is really going on?

NameChanges123 · 24/12/2024 20:12

oaktreeaandme · 17/12/2024 09:53

You've nailed it @StrawberryWater

I am in a phase of feeling unappreciated in general and I think this has just epitomised why.

Fortunately with new year coming it it's a great time to make some changes.

Make sure you treat him as shabbily when his birthday rolls around.

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