To not want to go to somewhere like Bicester or Cheshire Oaks with toddler

[MrsMust]

Over the holidays my whole family want to go somewhere like Bicester or Cheshire Oaks together to do some shopping in the sales (after Christmas). My 20 month old is the only baby/child in the family and I feel like everyone either doesn't know what it's like to have a baby or has forgotten what it's like to have a baby.

I feel like taking my toddler there is really unfair on her. It will be really crowded, and probably quite boring for her. I feel like if she gets bored, we'll be stuck in the middle of a retail park with nothing great to do. In general I don't take my toddler out for a day of clothes shopping or browsing as I feel it's really not a baby friendly activity. And from my perspective, I wouldn't be doing much shopping myself as I imagine I'd be spending most of the time entertaining my toddler (which I'm happy to do obviously!) but I just feel like this is one family thing we can sit out. AIBU?

Cheshire Oaks is actually pretty good for toddlers. You can hire a little car thing if you want to, and there’s a huge play area.

My toddler would enjoy it but if you don’t want to go then don’t

Newborns are easy to shop with. Toddlers in hot, busy outlet shops, not so much.
Let's be honest, none of us want to hear screaming Toddlers being dragged around retail parks like Cheshire Oaks, as we shop.
Cheshire Oaks has been ok lately, but not that great that the post Christmas sales are worth taking young children around, unless you are tag teaming with others.
As for toddlers (under 2) learning that the world doesn't evolve around them, that doesn't happen for at least another six months. You can't teach that if the brain isn't at that stage.

I agree OP- of course they can go but to suggest it as a good trip for a toddler is crazy. Sounds stressful and painful, leave them to it and go to a park for the day.

I more meant you can’t expect extended family to keep making plans around a child past the newborn stage. I wouldn’t bring a vulnerable newborn around a lot of people plus they need to be fed, changed etc.

A toddler can be brought to an outlet, they can get a treat, run around outside etc.

I don’t think it’s a big deal to say no but neither do I think the extended family should be expected to make plans around what’s ideal for a toddler.

What I was commenting on was the expectation.

Just to say tried to go to Bicester on Boxing Day last year and the queue was so huge we couldn’t even get in. The place was rammed. No parking on site so had to do the park and ride with a 3 yr old. Promptly came back without getting in

Don’t both have decent play areas and fun stuff for kids? I would probably go, look around the shops/ lights for an hour, then leave family to it and go for a walk/ play/ nap/ coffee and then meet family for lunch. Sounds like a pretty nice day to me.

God this would be my worst day out with or without children.
Just say no and arrange a different type of day out that doesn't involve buying shite.

I would do something else. It will still be there in future years if you decide to go then.

Yanbu at all.
There was a period of a few years when my kids were babies/toddlers when I barely set foot in a shopping centre - why? It’s miserable for children! And when they’re miserable it just makes things hard work for the parents, not a fun activity. Just tell your family you’ll give this one a miss because children and shopping trips aren’t a good combination and you won’t enjoy it.

YANBU

just say your DC is ill in the day

This. ^ Couldn't think of anything worse than a big family day out at a big shopping centre/shopping unit. I mean, me and DH and the kids yeah, but the whole extended family? LOL fuck that!

Also @MrsMust Loads of places are a challenge with toddlers. Just don't go if you don't want to!

Have you a partner that could look after your toddler for the day ? If you don’t want to go, then don’t. But I’m a firm believer that you need to do things at times that aren’t particularly child friendly as life shouldn’t just revolve around the children in a house. Parent’s needs are important too. So you could go, DD in a buggy with a few books, etc to entertain her, time out for her to toddle around, lunch break, etc. Maybe just go for the morning and leave before everyone else.

There are cafes and a play frame thingy at Cheshire Oaks, presumably similar at Bicester.

But having said that, it is definitely not an appealing day out for a small child. No toddler wants to spend a day being pushed around in their stroller looking at clothing.

I'm not sure why anyone would want a family day out shopping at Cheshire Oaks or Bicester Village, but I know that it's at the top of the list of enjoyable things to do for no toddler.

Which is why when I rarely go anywhere near a shopping centre there are several toddlers completely disregulated and screaming because, they don't like shopping centres. They are crowded, hot, completely overstimulating and shit for little kids. If you don't want to go, don't go. I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

If it’s something you would like to do, go.

if it’s not something you would personally enjoy, don’t go.

But don’t base the decision around your child.

not everything in life is fun and rainbows and revolved around children. They have to learn that not everything is about them and they have to do normal things in life.

Get one of those push along car things. Cheshire Oakes had a good play area.

Don't go, but also every activity doesn't need to be baby/toddler friendly. I don't know these places but other people have mentioned they have play areas etc

Cheshire oaks has a great slide play area but she may be too young for most of it age2.

at the back of Cheshire oaks is the coliseum- cinema, bowling (I think) trampoline park, etc. blue planet aquarium also in walking distance. Maybe head to one of those and meet up with your family for a bit of shopping and lunch with a tired out toddler

To me the thought of any shopping so soon after Christmas is a nightmare anyway, let alone during the sales! And with a toddler! Just say no thanks, I’d prefer some (relative) P&Q at home.

Cheshire Oaks is actually not a terrible day out for a toddler I imagine. They all get pushed around in little cars, there's twinkly decorations and a good play area (and as someone else pointed out, everyone inexplicably seems to take their dog so there'll be lots of fluffers for them to look at if they're not frightened of dogs). Of course it'll be very busy, but you can use the car buggy thing as a battering ram.

I wouldn't suggest you spend an entire day there, that would test anyone's patience. But you could go to the aquarium with your child if everyone else is locked in to shopping.

Just don't go - it's not a 3 line whip! I wouldn't go to either of them, even childfree - they are awful places, and not fun for anyone.

If you don’t want to go then don’t go. If you do then either leave the baby with its father and enjoy yourself for the day. Or else pick Cheshire oaks because it has a massive play area and usually a couple of rides on the carpark too at xmas. There’s also the blue planet round the corner which you could go to and meet up with the others later

If you don't want to go, don't go. I presume there is no compulsion.

Some toddlers would be fine in that kind of environment, others wouldn't. You know your child best, so make the decision accordingly.

Your family should feel free to do activities that they want to do. Their plans don't need to revolve around your child.

Surely they can just go without you? Or you can get someone to look after your child. Wanting to go sales shopping after Christmas seems a reasonable activity, they aren't asking for somethings wildly over the top.

Maybe hold off going to Bicester until April.
It'll be hell during the sales as well.