To think that older sleepless kids are far worse than the newborn stage

[LostittoBostik]

When my babies were newborns they woke every 40 mins and it was brutal. I got maybe 3 hours broken sleep a night for 1.5 years both times

BUT now they are school age (7 and 4) and due to illnesses, dreams, etc they still wake a lot - just not every night. So sometimes I sleep through. But sometimes we have periods of every night being broken.

And add that to perimenopause insomnia I'm absolute fucked.

DH works a lot of nights. This is all on me.

When I was on mat leave I hardly got any sleep but nobody expected anything on me. Newborn sleeplessness is expected.

Now I'm working long hours often on 2 hours sleep day after day.

In the last week we've had norovirus, nightmare, coughs etc. 7 year old woke at 1.15am and isn't back to sleep yet, 4 yo woke at 3.30 and has just fallen asleep in my bed.

I'm now fucking wired and have to get up at 6.45 to get them all ready for school then followed by a day of face to face meetings then solo bedtime as DH is working tomorrow afternoon/night.

I feel like I won't make it to Xmas at this rate.

I love my DH but due to sleeping most days he doesn't share mental load and I'm getting to the point where I'm tempted to separate just to be sure of getting every Wednesday and every other weekend to rest

Although obvs it's not DH's fault that the children wake and he's at work when they do. It's just making me resent him. We can't afford for me to work less either.

Yes I agree - I've been awake since 2, up and down with sick kids who keep waking (just as I drift off to sleep from the last wake up)

On maternity leave you can exist in a blur of sleeplessness, coffee & cake and no one expects much of you

But after 8 years of broken sleep, always coming to me not DH and being expected to function/get people to the right place at the right time etc it's brutal

Yes very hard, just do whatever you need to survive like putting them in your bed or making a bed on the floor next to yours so maybe they wake up less if your near. All else fails take a day off work to sleep /rest catch up someone was posting about hotels that let you rent a room for the day to escape and sleep in. Talk to DH about needing one day at the weekend when he takes the load. Hope you can get to a better period of rest soon.

Yes. Mother of an 8 year old who still often wakes (younger sister slept through before he did). It’s hard. And now I’m conditioned to not sleep!

Not for me. The screaming of the newborn stage could not be ignored but a 7 or 4 year old having a nightmare can just climb into bed with me and I barely have to wake.
The ill ones are difficult no matter what the age and if you’ve dealt with multiple children having multiple illnesses then you have my full sympathy, that is hard.
You know that your DH can’t help it but he can pick up the slack of the other household tasks and give you plenty of nap time when he has time off. I hope he does this.

My 4 children all terrible sleepers as babies, 4 was around where it got better for the first 2 though. (Other 2 still little) Sounds like you are having a rough time! I'd just let them sleep in your bed if that works for a bit so you can get as much sleep as you can. Maybe you should take a sick day and just sleep.

That sounds tough. Try and get to bed early tonight when the DC go to bed. Peri menopause insomnia is killing me too.

Oh for sure. I have sick kids at the moment and it's been brutal. First one awake from 12 till 1. One awake from 2 till 4. Then first one gets up for the day at 5 because of coughing.

Mine are regularly up in the night and often take a couple of hours to fall back to sleep despite literally just laying in my bed.

I've always said the one thing people talk about when you're expecting is sleepless nights, but they never tell you these sleepless nights can literally last years and years. I have bad sleepers, early risers for years and it's absolutely brutal I haven't had consistent good nights sleeps for years.

When does your DH get home from work? Can he not take over and do the morning routine and school run before he goes to bed for the day? Working nights is tough but it shouldn't stop him doing ANY family stuff. You work days and manage to do families things before and after your shift presumably

Two or three year olds are worse because they don't always want to go back to sleep! My seven year old goes straight back to sleep if she comes in.

Can't he look for a more family friendly job?

What hours is he out of the house for work/commute?

YANBU. My son is a good sleeper but the very rare time he wakes me at night it kills me now. I have a friend whose son woke several times every single night until he was 5, and still frequently thereafter. I don't know how she coped.

This is it. I chose to breastfeed til age 3 for both of them and knew what that meant for lack of sleep but I didn't think that almost five years later my almost 8 year old would often need me in the night.

Don't get me wrong, she's not wailing and screaming and can be resettled. But it's like I'm on high alert and so if she's awake so am I. Last night due to a cough she was awake from 1.30 to 5am. Great.

He does all the morning school runs but we do get up to share the morning workload together. Partly because in order to fit in the hours I need to work I have to crack on at 8am because I do the school run at 3.

I'm self employed so some weeks I can take it easier, but this week I have some huge hard deadlines and big meetings before the Christmas break.

And I also can't just call in sick and get paid anyway.

Usually out from about 3pm til 3am

Thanks for all the replies - this thread at least makes me feel much less alone at 4am

Exactly! I just lie there feeling more and more awake knowing in the morning it will be like death

No he gets paid well for his industry due to the hours and we can't afford the pay drop.

Also family friendly would be 9-7 anyway so actually less useful, as he can do most morning school runs on his current hours so I get to start work early and finish in time for the school run

I am now the world's lightest sleeper and my body just wakes up pre 6am every day, both of which is 100% down to the kids.