This is a long read sorry but didn’t want to drip feed.
I’ve name changed for this but posted on another thread about it briefly. Hopefully the person I’m posting about isn’t on mumsnet as I’m sure she would recognise some details - I have changed as many as possible and I’d be very surprised if she is.
A family member we will call Sara has two teen sons, she had a very normal upbringing in a small town. When she was in her very early twenties she was engaged to her boyfriend she’d been with since school, she had the boys and was a stay at home mum while her fiancé had a good job.
I think she was bored to tears but as the boys started school she suddenly changed, she called herself Zara, got piercings and tattoos and came out as gay and left her fiance for a woman just before they were due to get married.
She had amicable co- parenting with her ex and he struggled a lot because the break up was very unexpected but they kept it civil.
Sara seemed very obsessed with her sexuality and at every opportunity talked about being a lesbian, got tattoos of the pride flag, wore rainbow clothing and multiple rainbow accessories and organised lots of community pride events. No one had ever shown anything but support about her sexuality which seemed to disappoint her, it’s like she was desperate to fight against imaginary opposition.
As an example - she would sometimes talk loudly in public about being a lesbian or proud lesbian mother and if people ignored her or looked irritated because she was disturbing them then she would rant they were homophobic.
The kids got older and Sara’s girlfriend left her saying she felt that she was a status symbol rather than a human being, Sara documented her whole life online and without her relationship to document she became obsessed with supporting trans issues. Her children were sent to school in dresses with make up and nail varnish, when the school complained she rallied against it trying to make out it was gender identity discrimination rather then just school policy not allowing make up and nail varnish!
She constantly told her sons she wanted them to grow up and choose their own gender identity and I’m sure it was very confusing for them.
The boys are both older teenagers now with the eldest over 18, Sara has moved on to being obsessed with one - or all of them being neurodivergent, I’m more convinced it’s Münchausen by proxy with other factors contributing to it - or just plain old attention seeking!
The oldest boy came out as gay, then non binary, then bisexual then trans. He changed his name (4 times so far) and wears a bit of make up and has long hair but other than that is very clearly a male. He wears the same clothes he wore before he said he was trans so bought from the men’s section - apart from the tight short bright red dress, fishnets and lipstick that appear every now and then, usually at occasions with an audience.
Shortly afterwards the youngest said he was also trans and changed his name from the male version of his name to female (think Samuel as Samantha or Daniel to Danielle) but changed nothing else, he wears the same clothes, no make up and often has facial hair.
Sara was very proud of her boys and posted over all social media, had a “coming out announcement” party, their father wasn’t happy but was warned that showing opposition meant Sara was likely to use that to get attention, not fuelling the fire would hopefully cause it to burn out.
A few months ago we discovered that the oldest boy is going for gender reassignment surgery and has managed to raise a huge amount of money from JustGiving from both him and Sara constantly posting and basically begging for money. Family have tried everything to get him to change his mind but he’s going ahead with it. His father even offered to double the money he’s saved so he can have money towards a deposit on a flat, driving lessons and a car, education or basically anything to give him a decent future rather then destroying his life forever.
Sara found out and turned him against family and he is going ahead with the surgery.
This has ripped the family apart and we are desperately trying to stop him but it’s too late, the only thing that I’ve started to query is that if it’s ethical that Just Giving money can be used for something like this? The surgery isn’t taking place in this country so laws are very different but he’s just so young.
Would it be unreasonable to contact Just Giving and make them aware this boy has possibly been coerced into this? Or should we leave the whole thing alone for sake of the family and just be as supportive as possible afterwards?
It’s so heartbreaking there are so many similar requests on Just Giving- most are looking at surgery in the same country with so many being young teens. I really worry about these young people’s futures.