How do you get the energy to get through the day?

[Ankleblisters]

I'm exhausted and don't understand how everyone else gets through their day. Looking around I feel like a lot of other people are doing SO much more than I am and many seem to still have the energy to do things they actually want to do as well as things they HAVE to do. I feel like I've dragged myself through the last few years just about managing the MUSTS and never finding energy for anything else. I don't remember the last time I did anything for enjoyment.

I try to do all the right healthy things: I muster the energy to get up early (6ish) and exercise for about an hour at least five days a week. I lift weights. I try to make time to get out of the house for fresh air and walk or cycle to do errands every day. But everything feels forced and like a massive chore I would rather not do. I really have to force myself to exercise and as soon as I finish I just want to go back to bed. I think I eat a pretty healthy diet. I rarely drink alcohol and I gave up caffeine a couple of years ago. I use a meditation app to help me sleep and I reckon I usually get roughly 6 or 7 hours a night. Blood tests and a 24 hour ECG haven't shown up anything (I don't think, I assume they would've called if there was an issue)

I feel like it's been so so so long since I actually felt relaxed or had any energy or motivation (other than duty) to do anything. I'm just dragging myself around doing everything I'm meant to do.

So, how does everyone else manage? What are your energy tips? What can I do differently.

No DC and no choice, my body says sleep and I crash
Whether that's an afternoon nap or 11hrs of sleep

If I did that much exercise I would be wiped. After school run I sit on the sofa, eat a pastry and drink a cup of coffee in front of the TV. It energises me for the day! I tried the exercising in the morning thing and it did not energise me one bit - just felt crap all day.

Sounds as though you actually have depression? Main symptoms are lethargy, lack of joy, lack of enjoying anything that you once used to?

You need to get some help with the parent with dementia or to consider a home op. This is the most draining situation. I doing want my children to exhaust themselves and their lives disappearing looking after me, thus would devastate me tbh, so please stop. Put yourself first and start handing over. I speak from experience, it’s a VERY long road that only gets worse.

Just seen your further post about being a full time carer to your parent. No wonder you’re exhausted. It’s unbelievably stressful physically and mentally. I know from personal experience. When was the last time you had a break/respite period?
Well done to you. It’s SO tough and you sound like you’re doing a great job. But you can’t pour from an empty cup and maybe you’re body is trying to tell you that.

I am not surprised you are feeling so low after 4 years caring for your mum, that is really tough. You should def do whatever it takes to look after yourself and start feeling more resourced.

As others have said, there is no way I could do that amount of exercise and sleep that little. In your shoes I would try spending the extra hour in bed for a couple of weeks and see how you feel. For those asking how people get a lot of sleep: I am a single parent with a full time job and am studying on top. I just go to bed really early! (It is unusual for me to be up this late.) I usually get 8 hours and feel crap if I don't.

I don't think 6 to 7 hours is enough sleep to be honest. Can you have one or two nights when you sleep longer? This will benefit you at least as much as the exercise does. I also think you could be suffering from depression - clinical depression isn't 'feeling sad' and can in fact manifest as not feeling very much at all. But feeling exhausted is a very common symptom. Please make an appointment to see your GP and explain how much you've got on your plate right now. Could you possibly arrange for some carers to come in and do the morning and evening routine with your parent? That would free you up to get your work done earlier and have a few early nights.

You need more sleep

Love, you’re in a horrendously difficult situation. Anyone would be exhausted. What are the options for your mum’s care?

Diagnosis is so important for getting treatment- it doesn't have to be this way. Advocate for yourself, request more tests, speak to a different GP. What disorder do you think you have?

Sorry OP- not trying to derail!
Prioritise sleep and rest over any unnecessary exercise- even if sitting down instead of going for a walk seems counter-productive. Completely understand your reason for exercising- strength training is vital for what you're doing and for what's to come. Do your weights, but cut out a couple of walks. Or limit weight training to more intense, shorter work outs. If you can, speak to a PT for some advice on energy saving work outs.

You need rest, and to look after yourself.

I have a 45 minute nap after work. Totally recharges me.

I prioritise sleep. 11pm is a late night. Usually asleep by 22:15, sometimes 21:30!
Up at 07:00 on average weekday. Occasionally 06:00. On weekends more like 09:00.

I should do more exercise, but I prefer sleeping, particularly in winter.

To add - I work full time & have multiple kids. I don't get much time awake without them around, usually a 1hour programme 9-10pm.

Are you getting enough protein? Makes a huge difference for me.

Has anyone mentioned ME/CFS to you? I'm just wondering if you're heading in the direction of that. It causes debilitating fatigue and your blood test results are normal.

I ran the London Marathon shortly before my ME/CFS diagnosis. Although once the illness started, I couldn't even go for a short jog. Before the illness started I actually did way more training than you are doing.

For more info, see:

meassociation.org.uk/

When do you get a day off caring?

@stargazerlil what dosage vit B do you take please? I used to take it but forgot what dosage I took

@Ankleblisters I didn't even touch the sides of what you are doing but even that level of caring that I did ended with me having a nervous breakdown

it sounds like you are naturally energetic but I can't help thinking that caring is the issue here.

What you’re doing is incredibly hard work. I agree with PP’s - is there any respite care available? Even two mornings a week for example would allow you a lie in.

Practically - yes you need more sleep. Change up some of the exercise - 30 min power vinyasa flow a couple of times a week, (you can get videos on YouTube and the mindfulness aspect would also be beneficial) a couple of runs and a couple of weight sessions would suffice. That should carve you out 30 mins a day but then you’d need to find another half an hour to an hour. There’s no way I could function long term on that little sleep.

Be prepared to be offered pills if you go to the GP. Not saying you shouldn’t - you have plenty of reason to be depressed - but I’d try getting a bit more sleep first.

And finally in all honesty - I use coffee 🤷🏻‍♀️
If I get 8-9 hours sleep I just have a morning one. Any less than that I generally need one about 2pm to get me through the day. And they are rocket fuel strength!

I feel similarly! I usually get around 6.5-7. 5 hours sleep a night, which I know isn't enough, but my two ND tweens aren't asleep until 10pm and I need to be up at 6.30am every weekday morning, and I need downtime before bed.

I do drink coffee and eat carbs, which is maybe why I feel like this?

I think it might just be mild depression though. I've had severe depression in the past and this isn't like that but I believe it can present this way.

Honestly the only thing I ever feel like I have energy to do is chill in my bed... And I never get to do that (well, for maybe an hour each night, at the expense of sleep).

I was going to say try less exercise like 3 days one week and 4 the next. .
Allow yourself a treat go out for a nice coffee once a week or a glass of wine to relax.

I feel you’re not getting enough sleep.
I read your update .

You sound mentaly drained and your mood down with the same old same old of life too

I really would take a vitamin d supplement 6 months of the year. .Even pay to get a blood test and if the levels are really low get some injections .
Vitamin d is a game changer in life .

Stress!
You have too many caring responsibilities and the worry of the burden getting heavier. You are not getting enough rest. And the exercise makes you feel better as it counteracts some of the stress hormones.
Talk to your GP. Make sure your records reflect that you are a carer. Take all and any help you are offered.

(Oh and get your blood results and check if there is anything of concern there - because stress is a risk factor for a lot of things).

@Ankleblisters I could have written the first paragraph of your post. Then I got to the bit about getting up at 6am and exercising for an hour 5 times a week and was like, nope!! I don’t have any medical conditions but honestly I’m tired enough just from work without that on top.

As others have said I think start by getting more sleep and maybe consider if you are overdoing it on the exercise or could switch it up a bit. Thyroid and Ferratin checks good to look at too as well as B12. Wishing you luck x

Lol same.

Are you live in? It is exhausting. I'm in the same boat. We have a nap after lunch. Mine is elderly though so that might not be an option.

Is she in receipt of Attendance Allowance? Use it to get some help. Also, have you had your Carer's Assessment yet? You are entitled to one and that can also provide respite for you. Have you considered using a day care facility once a week? Find out which organisation is responsible for Carer's support in your Local Authority area and contact them. There's a good FB group for support, search for Mobilise and join up.

There's also an elderly parent board on here, I know yours isn't elderly, but you most likely have a lot of the same issues. There is help and support, but it's not always easy to find. You are not alone in this.

Do you eat breakfast? So important if you need energy for the day!