TLDR: DP’s son picks his nose and eats it infront of people and DP doesn’t explain to him this is a bit gross!
Boyfriend/DP of about 18 months, he’s really lovely and I’ve also got fond of his 13yo DS who has some special needs.
DP is a widow so very much a single parent as of a few years ago and family not nearby.
Our dynamic works really well - I have dc too and we prioritise our own family units, we’re not on a path to blending families. I see him when my dc are with their dad on alternate weekends, or during the week at lunch when we’re both wfh. I obviously see his ds more and we’ve built up a good relationship, he’s been very warm and welcoming to me. I’m not trying to be a step mum figure but will always give a hug if he asks for one (he’s quite huggy).
DP is brilliant with him, he’s quite sensitive about whether he’s doing a good job, having been thrust into single parenthood suddenly and in the midst of dealing with his own grief and ds can be quite complex due to his additional needs, and DP is balancing full time work.
His DS, being a teenage boy has some gross habits. I don’t feel like it’s my place to comment… but DP doesn’t, and I feel for DS and don’t want people to think he’s gross basically! He struggles with friendships and social situations and is young for his age but has amazing capacity to learn.
he will pick his nose and eat it right infront of you whilst chatting to you, and really going for it! I’ve seen him do it at home, but also saw him do it when randomly striking up conversation with a family at an event we were at.
at home be also fiddles with his balls and also bites at his toenails (that second one I did say please can you not do that when sitting next to me on the sofa I can’t deal with it 😆).
I feel like it’s not my place and don’t want DP to take it as a criticism of his parenting but feel like someone should explain to DS it’s not good to do that infront of people. That’s the sort of thing I say to my kids and I feel like if his mum was around she might say that.
what do you think? AIBU in wanting to say something/suggest to DP he mentions it? How would you approach it? Or do I keep out of it and not give parenting advice unless asked which has been my general mantra!
he’s not a little cute kid anymore that can get away with it, I feel like if no one tells him he won’t know!