BU here so I can be a better person IRL

[Alwaysyoudoyou]

Just need to get this off my chest so I can stay supportive for DH and everyone else. I know it’s not reasonable to make this worse by moaning, but I’m struggling to squash the disappointment.

Since I met DH the bulk of our annual leave and Christmas vacation time has been spent visiting his lovely but aging parents abroad. Over the years the visits have shifted from family time to working holidays filled with DIY, decluttering, and sorting paperwork. We’ve been trying to gently nudge them towards downsizing, as their house isn’t suited to their needs anymore. His mum has been keen, especially if the move would reignite her once bustling social life, but FiL’s been stubborn, so we’ve been making do, helping out where we can and adjusting the house for them. They've lived there 50 years, I can understand why the decision to move was too tough, even when it seemed like the right thing to do logically, physically, socially etc.

This December, we’d planned a proper Christmas at home with our young children– a rare break just for us and also much needed time to finalise various things before putting our house on the market in the new year. DH’s parents were spending the holidays with BiL, all sorted. But it has today become clear they’re really not coping and need to move into care or similar urgently. DH will need to go over to help and support as soon as possible and then again as much as is feasible for the foreseeable future, but it’s not practical for me or the little ones to join him – this is a new situation for us and not exactly sure what to expect but we're envisioning it’ll will be emotional and busy.

I’m gutted. We spend so much of our leave over there and have been glad to do it, and now, just as we were about to get some time as a four, this happens. We’ll still have Christmas Day together here, which I’m grateful for, but I’d been counting on a longer break and enjoying the last possible Christmas in the house where our children were born. Outwardly I'm saying to DH 'do what you gotta do and I'll hold the fort here' as the situation is cruddy enough without me moaning, but inwardly I can’t help feeling a bit aggrieved and overwhelmed at how swiftly things can change.

So yeah TLDR my in-laws deteriorating health is ruining my annual leave plans and I'm upset which makes me an awful person. So am being awful here so I can hopefully be a better version of myself in the flesh.

@Alwaysyoudoyou i don't think you are being unreasonable......its your last Christmas in the house. So yes I would be a little bit sad about that. Also is there anyone else in the family who can help with his parents?? Just so you can have some proper family time for once?

BiL lives close by to them and he does a lot of the day to day stuff (shopping and doctors visits and that sort of thing). Usually he goes away when we go over, so a few times a year. Him hosting them for Christmas was the compromise so we could spend this year here. It's also his first Christmas as a dad so they were going to celebrate with the new grandchildren etc as well. However that was before they both got told they need care. They're really sad, understandably. There's just a lot all at once!! Am the one with the least to sulk about really so trying to rein it in. But thank you for being kind.

Better to moan here. I would feel the same way as you do. I think your feelings are quite normal but no point making your DH feel bad about it so moan away here.

I think what you're saying is fair enough. You're allowed to have feelings and emotions about situations that you wouldn't chose to be in.

Feel free to moan here.

Bravery is feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Being a good person is feeling the annoyance and still being nice!

I'd be sad too.

Thanks for the safe space all, I feel better having aired it somewhere.