festive show-down

[Woundupforchristmas]

Just wondering if my behaviour was out of line really...

My daughter (8) has been having issues with a child for a number of months/potentially years at school. The other child can be physical with her and is also verbally unkind - I have heard many things first hand and have lightly suggested for my daughter to distance herself as friends do not treat eachother like this. The friend came round for a play date recently and tried to smash up my child's keyboard and also threw their favourite toy at the lightbulb in the room (so could've started a fire). After this I did tell my child that I found the behaviour disgusting and hoped that they would never behave like that at another child's house. I also said that they would not be coming round again.

Anyway, today at a school performance, my daughter's friend began shoving her. This shoving turned into very aggressive pushing after it became apparent that my daughter wasn't going to retaliate, and my daughter ended up being pushed into the children behind her and was very distressed (crying uncontrollably and looked hurt as it was done with force. This child is much bigger than my daughter).

The teaching assistants were chatting at the back and did not see this unfold, but the other parents around me did and were getting more and more visibly shocked. At this moment, my only instinct was to march over there and tell this child very firmly to stop. I then pointed out to the TA's that they weren't looking which is why I took action. I then returned to the crowd of parents.

I'm not usually like this but I felt I had to act. The worst part was, after it the child that hurt my daughter continued to smirk at me and was clearly unphased by my instinct to protect my child.

For what it's worth, I have worked in a school setting so am aware of the issues that go on in schools, so haven't yet broached this friendship issue as I'm just aware of how many much bigger fish they have to fry.

Why the hell are you having this child in your house?

The bullying has intensified and my daughter has insisted they're friends up until this point.

I did mention this to the school today after what I'd seen first hand.

My daughter wanted them round. I hadn't had them before due to concerns (of which were proven to be true).

I mean, well done for acting how you did at the play, you got it exactly right

But this has gone on too long, op. This girl isn't your child's friend but bully and this needs to be stopped yesterday

With all respect to the comments, my daughter has throughout this time insisted that despite the issues, they're best friends.

I'm asking if I was unreasonable at the play?

Thanks.

I've spoken to the parents as it's happened outside of school time. If you've got nothing nice to say then please can you stop commenting? I've been trying to suggest to my daughter that she distance herself and she has plenty of other friends to play with but is constantly drawn back to them.

She tells me they are best friends and despite the shit show of a play date, took no notice of what I'd said and went straight back to playing with them.

I say POTENTIALLY because I'm not entirely sure. I think it's been give and take but today and the play date have really highlighted to me that things have escalated.

My child doesn't tell me the drama of school so unless I see it, how can I know about it?

You've been incredibly judgemental and not very fair in my opinion. Perhaps my post was badly detailed but there we are.

I fail to see why you haven't spoken to the teacher/school about this child's behaviour before now. I would have done the same as you at the play but I would also have brought this to the teacher's attention when previous incidents have happened. You also need to talk to your daughter about friendships and how it's not ok for her to accept someone treating her badly. Can you role play with her scenarios and encourage strategies for standing up for herself? Encourage other friendships and arrange play dates with other friends.

The role play is a really good idea, thank you.