I found inappropriate messages between my partner and her male best friend that took place for 3-4 months at the beginning of our relationship. The messages were very few and far between, from what I can see, 5-6 convos where she was involved and was inappropriate or she ignored his advances but didn’t pull him up on it..
They’ve been best friends for years and during the first few months of our relationship the inappropriate messages continued. No sexting but flirting and inappropriate messages. We have been together around 15 months and I found these messages about 9 months into our relationship. My partner, when confronted, lied about the extent of this inappropriate friendship. I found out over time that this has been going on for around 8 years. It is online as he lives in NZ. He’s been in a relationship for 4/5 years and before our relationship,
i would say that for about 3 years of his relationship they had been sexting, having sexual phone calls and sending graphic images. When confronted, she said that it’s not her relationship and she would not discuss her past with me as I would judge her.
My partner has lied to me a lot not just about this. She lies about little things too.
After finding this information out I was distraught but my partner gave me little to no information as to why this happened and what it was, just that the friendship had always been grey and boundary crossing at times. She wants to maintain this friendship and continue as she has been for the last 6 months (it’s been appropriate) but I just don’t know if I can deal with that. She told me that she misses the friendship.
Currently we have separated and are living apart but maintaining contact.
Any help would be appreciated.