To offer EX sex..

[AmberG1]

My ex and I are finalising our divorce after a 4-year separation. I’ll be honest, he treated me poorly both before and during our separation. Early next year, we’re heading to court to sort out our finances. Since he moved back to the UK, I’ve been seeing him more frequently, and it’s stirred up a purely physical desire for him.
To clarify, he hasn’t shown any signs of wanting me, and he was in an on-and-off relationship for 1.5 years, which ended about 8 months ago. I realise this might sound desperate, but it’s strictly about sexual desire. I’ve been celibate since our separation and haven’t pursued dating because I don’t feel ready. My focus has been on improving my career, completing my master’s degree, and raising our 5-year-old daughter (solo).
I’ve also avoided the idea of a casual sexual partner because the risks make me uncomfortable, there are safety concerns, and I’m not at ease inviting someone into my space or visiting theirs. Until recently, I hadn’t felt any interest in sex, but seeing my ex more often has changed that. Now, I find myself feeling aroused and thinking about sex constantly.
I know this might sound irrational, unwise, or even a bit unhinged, but it’s where I am emotionally right now.

I’m thinking, “You only live once,” but there’s a chance he could reject me. He’ll probably think I’m messing with him since I’ve shown no interest in him or in trying to save the marriage, mainly because he messed up so badly. I’m sure he believes I hate him.

YOLO

...? & If he rejects you will your confidence/self esteem recover ?

Or will 'his side' of the story (not messing you around for 4+ years) including rejecting you sexually cause a scar

You’re right. Rejection, especially given the history we share, will likely impact my confidence and self-esteem. It’s hard to say if or when I’ll fully get over it.

Ignore the horror stories. There are some lovely men out there. You can find what you want with someone nicer than your ex. Have strong boundaries, take sensible precautions and filter out anyone disrespectful.

Just another person commenting to say absolutely no no no. Terrible idea. No good to come of this.

Get a FWB. I got one after a long (literally) dry spell, inc menopause, and I'm like a new woman.

You'll get there though & you'll be so much better for it

Unless it's mutual your just setting yourself up for a set back

Sex with the ex is never a good idea. Remember why you wanted the divorce. You'd feel shit if he rejected you.

Fwb or vibrator. Or both.
Not the ex.

That's what she said

sorry

I think this all depends on what you meant by treated you badly.

If it was 'simply' he distanced himself from you, stopped doing housework, took advantage of you looking after your daughter, etc... yeah, go for it. These are not inherently bad things, just a decline in the relationship over time. If he has no desire to be with you, or vice versa and it's just sex, why not?

If it's more serious, physical abuse, mental abuse, anything vindictive, anything scary/aggressive, etc... nooooo.

At the end of the day, as long as he isn't a 'bad' man, and you feel safe, then he is probably the safest option around your daughter in the interim.

(People will DEFINITELY disagree with me here!)

🤣🤣🤣

You really read the OP and though that he would be using her for sex?

Op, I can say from personal experience that there are plenty of nice (and I do mean nice and kind) young men on Tinder who would be more than happy to help you out.

Plenty of arseholes too but you can easily weed them out.

Please do not with your ex. You will regret it.

Yes I misread "it’s stirred up a purely physical desire for him" as her ex feeling a physical desire

But i still think it's a terrible idea

Fair enough! Agree that it is a very bad idea!

No good can come from this! Can absolutely guarantee you will live to regret it one way or the other.

Can you be sure that the on/off girlfriend is definitely off and they are not in a fwb situation? He's unlikely to be completely straight with you there.

I ask because I've been the on/off girlfriend in a similar situation.

Likewise he quite probably having casual sex elsewhere if he's 8 months single.

As a minimum make sure he uses a condom.

Personally I wouldn't go there. It would get messy and confusing for everyone, not least your DC.

No, don't do it. It complicates things. Unless you want to find yourself stuck back with him. Buy a vibrator.

No, it comes across desperate. Have some self respect.

If you must do it can you wait until your financials are sorted in the new year. He might resent being used as an itch scratcher and become more unpleasant than he has been.

If he does it’ll probably cause more problems than it would be worth as you’re going to be co-parenting but at least he won’t be able to delay the divorce process

If you want someone to shag get on dating apps and make your intentions clear.

Don’t bother your ex with this. Leave him be.

If it was the other way round and a man came
on here saying “Me and the ex-wife will be ending the near of a divorce soon but I want to shag her. Shall I ask her?” I can only imagine the replies ….

Well next time think about how often you dreaded it in reality, like how he put the moves on you (was it actually a seductive effort or did he just touch you up in the evening to let you know he wanted sex later?) or whether it was a half hearted roll over from his side of the bed. That should kill the passion.

Shag someone else. Meet them for coffee first or a drink, not straight into a hook up.

This one is messy. If he rejects you or calls it off I think it'll hurt.

Jesus 🙄 Only more harm can come of this and your daughter needs the pair of you to behave like grown ups who put her wellbeing first. Not jeapordising what remains of the stability of the remaining relationship to get your rocks off.