Ex has control of Samsung location settings

[Perx]

I hope someone can help! I have been divorced now for 7 years after a horrible marriage with DV and coersive control. I was repeatedly told whilst married that he would cut my throat while I slept, or would burn the house down whilst my children and I slept. 2.5 yrs ago we moved to a new town and he has not had the address. Contact is via their school address. He chose to stop contact 18 months ago, this is the fourth time in 7 years, time wise usually 8-12 months, but longer this time. My kids asked to see him again after their class mate lost his Dad suddenly in an RTA, so he agreed and it was set up for this weekend. They had a great time, an early Xmas, came home happy with shiny new Samsung tablets each. They have no tech, I can't afford it, and I worry about parental settings, paedos etc. He said he has set up a Kinzoo family group and set the apps to only include known people etc, which is what I would want, BUT I know these tablets have location settings in them. I took the kids to maccies while I tried to work out how to turn off the location settings, but he is the admin on the tablets, so I don't think I can. I have asked the kids to keep them switched off until I can find a solution. This is going to create tension because they don't have the tablets on and I'm going to look like the baddie, when all I want is for them to have a relationship with him, but us to be safe here. I'm also scared he will drop them again if I push for him to amend the settings. Can anyone advise me how to switch off locations whilst he is admin?
Thanks x x

They are 9. They know they can't give him the address, and why. They know it's really important. X

Bless you Op i hope you are able to get this sorted.
Did you see my comment on SIM cards make sure they aren't just connected via WiFi

No I haven't seen about SIM cards. I didn't know tablets have SIMS. God I'm such a ludite 🤦🏻 I don't understand what you mean but I'll ask in the Samsung shop tomorrow. Thankyou x

What an awful situation, OP. I am sorry.

I do fear that getting the help from Samsung is only a temporary measure though, and that you'll go through this every time they see him. If he notices the location is switched off, or noticed you've factory reset them and unlinked from him, I feel he'll just reset again when in his position and set it all back up again.

Hopefully Samsung can show you an easy enough way to turn the location on and off, and just remember to keep doing this every time you collect the children.

Some tablets only connect to WIFI others have Data Sims in them so they can work of the 5G mobile phone networks.

I'd worry that the SIMs could also give your location away.

I'm sure the shop will sort them out tomorrow but it's something else to lookout for.

What's to stop your children telling him their new address?

All he has to do is put a little pressure on them, 'Daddy would love to send you a gift in the post!' etc.

Surely location is only on if it has wifi/data. And if it leaves the house

No, they absolutely know the importance. Post comes via school. X

Thanks, yes I thought about this. I'll check in the shop but if needs be they keep the tablets here. If he is with them he won't need to contact them on the tablet so he won't get access to them again once I've fixed this x

Sorry I just noticed the end of your post, that he will drop them again if you push this….just push it!

the best thing an abusive man can do is leave his children alone. He was threatening to burn them to death, the kids are too young to understand but if he backs off it’s no bad thing. If you are so scared that he knows where you live I wouldn’t be sad to see the back of him.

the children won’t resent you. Not if you explain why he’s dangerous (in an age appropriate way). They will be well aware receiving post via school is not normal and not what other dads do. They are perhaps now old enough to understand why the tablets are switched off and shouldn’t be moody about that until you have sorted it

MrsCarson
I'd take them away from them until you can get them reset. Make sure they're switched off. If you're as paranoid as me I'd wrap them in foil in case he can switch on remotely it depends what he has installed and what he has the settings as.

Omg, is that an actual thing? Can he do that? 😱

• I don't think this is an actual thing at all

@Perx did you manage to get them cleared?

They're still in the shop. The address could be tracked from the child account emails apparently, as he is admin. I'm confident they can sort it though x

Yes I know you're right, but the kids miss him, they are so sad without any contact. If I had my way he would be nowhere near them. They're worth more than getting dropped repeatedly, but the sadness they go through is soul destroying.
They know why he isn't to know where we live, but they love him anyway.

Yes to this. Why are you being swept into his manipulation?

The children on the one hand are desperate to see him but on the other have been told their address must not be divulged.

Did they get any therapy in the wake of the separation?
What are you doing to manage their expectations wrt their father and contact?

It would be extremely easy for this man to make it clear to the children that continued contact with them is conditional on getting their address from them. What would they do in a situation like this? They need to be able to shrug and tell him they're sorry he feels that way. Would they be able to do this?

You are playing with fire here.

For now, go to Samsung and get a hard reset and a check for sim cards. Don't let them bring their tablets with them if they go to see him again - once he realizes what you've done (hard reset) he'll insist on getting the tablets back and will redo the tracking. He may promise them a visit and then refuse it "because mummy wrecked the tablets".

These tablets really are a Trojan horse. My exH got phones for the DCs and then revealed to them that he had installed a tracking app that enabled him to see where they were. It was one of the final nails in the coffin of their relationship with him.

Did you ever report the abuse to the police?

Do you have a non molestation order against him?

Is there any court-ordered visitation or contact agreement?

You absolutely must start managing the expectations of the children.

He is playing the scarce resource game with them, making them feel they're not worthy of his time and attention so they crave it. It's not love but extreme anxiety. He ia training them to be emotional and psychological satellites, constantly in orbit around him. As time goes on he may even start playing one off against the other. He will certainly try to drive a wedge between them and you.

What he's doing to them is abusive.

www.abebooks.com/9798366196475/Bad-Dad-Narcissistic-Abuse-Recovery/plp
See if you can get your hands on this book about narcissistic abuse recovery for children.

Your children need to be armed and ready for their father's manipulation.

www.abebooks.com/products/isbn/9781538127636?ref_=pd_detail-1-b_p
"Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent".

www.amazon.com/When-Dad-Hurts-Mom-Witnessing/dp/B0008102C2
You should get this one too.