Am i the only one to look forward to DDs bedtime

[lucyellensmum]

My DD is 2.5 and i love her dearly. I wouldnt say she is particularly difficult either. She is a real daddy's girl and that does cause some problems but it is very sweet to see the strong bond they have. She is cute, funny and loving, and i honestly love her more than life.

But come five o clock ish and im clock watching, im knackered from constantly having to tear myself between being the entertainment, cook and cleaner - she doesnt occupy herself so well just now - wants me to play. I dont mind, i like playing with her, but um running out of ideas, the weather is not helping. I have this dip at five every day, ive tried snacking, doesnt help - caffeine is the only thing that keeps me awake. I get tetchy and just want to put DD to bed. Yesterday i almost fell asleep standing up cooking her omelette.

DP is driving me mad, he makes bed time so difficult becuase he panders to her every whim. I am tring to get her bed times earlier as she is getting very tired during the day, she doesnt nap anymore - If i try to put her up before 8 then he thinks im being unreasonable, but then she doesnt settle til about 9. It was about 9.30 when she went off to sleep tonight, DP has to lay with her - thats HIS problem, i had eliminated that, but then he interfered. But what isnt his problem is the very tired and irritable girl that mummy has to deal with the next day.

I cannot wait for my girls to be in bed asleep. I dread when they are older and stay up later!

not unreasonable at all!

You are completely normal. We all love our children but we all love their bedtimes too!

Re. dip at 5pm. I get this quite badly sometimes. Are you in a position to have a powernap in the afternoon some time to try and re-coup your energy? If I'm feeling so tired that I think that I'm going to fall asleep if I blink too long (IYKWIM) then I put DD2 in front of a film after lunch (DD1's at school) and then crash on the sofa for 20-30 minutes and believe me, it really helps.

You and your DP obviously need to agree your DD's bedtime routine/bed time ... especially if it's backfiring on you so badly the next day, it's not fair to your DD either.

You are not being unreasonable. Lots of parents (me included) look forward to children's bedtime. It does not mean that we don't love those children dearly.

It sounds like you have some issues to work through with your DP. IMO 9.30 is really late for a child to go to sleep. My nearly 4 yr old is in bed by 7. He can last until 8 if we have visitors etc.

I used to be a teacher and can tell you how much children need their sleep for school - I know that seems a long way away now but how will you implement a 7pm bedtime suddenly when she starts school?

I repeat - YANBU

NOPE
I absolutely look forward to the time when kids in bed. I am by myself so have to keep going knowing that by 7.30 I will have 2 kids asleep.

I dont envy you having a bedtime of 9pm!!!

my DCs are 3 and 6 and they are both in bed & asleep by 7.30!
Couldnt cope with 9pm

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I look forward to DDs (15mo) bedtime so I can get a bit of time to myself to do useful stuff, eat, and, joy-of-joys, have a bit of a relax.
I think your DP needs to understand that she is very little and needs her sleep. To be in bed by 8 is a good thing, no? - with a relaxing story and a cuddle?

YANBU.

You need your time. Everybody does. Imagine if you had to work in an office that late every night. It would drive you spare and everybody would be really sympathetic.

Most people are relieved when their children get to bed. Nobody can spend every day all day with others and not want a break. You're totally normal.

If you are the main carer of your DD, then I think in terms of what goes in terms of routine etc is your say. You are the one that has to deal with the consequences the next day.

I put my DCs (aged 3 and 1) to bed between 6 and 6.30pm.

I've always thought establishing an early bedtime meant I could have a longer evening, make sure they get plenty of sleep, probably means I go to bed at a good time too having had my own space for a few hours and most importantly, when they're older, it means that I have more negotiating room for later bedtimes when they're well behaved etc. Obviously their bedtimes will get later (erm, 6.45pm!) as they get older!

I think you should put your foot down and start a regular bedtime for her. Say 7pm? Or even earlier. It could take a while to establish itself but it could be worth it. Children like to have a bit of routine and know what's coming next. Regular and consistent bedtime is a good idea but be occasionally flexible for special days.

Bedtime here is 7.30. By then I need some me time desperately.

What time does DP get in? Can you get her down before he gets in, then he can get up with her next am to get some quality time in while you sleep?

They're always at their best first thing rather than late at night, or at least thats what you can tell him!

The 9pm bed time drives me nuts, and i agree, school will become an issue. I dropped her 3 hour daytime nap because she wasnt going to bed early in the night, but the times have slipped back. I couldnt let her have an hour and wake her as she would be more tired and irritable than if she had no nap.

Ive tried talking to him, just can't seem to get through to him. I love him too, but he can be a fuckwit sometimes.

No your not. My dds go to bed at nine which I can just about cope with. If at 9.15 they are still loitering I start geting really ratty.
We are up at half seven and all the way round to nine is a BLOODY long time some days.

Ha ha, I have been known to turn the clocks back up to an hour and show them a recording of an old bedtime hour story at 6pm so I can put them to bed early. I am a broken woman by about 5pm.

The other thing I do when I am really knackered is get them bathed and jammied before they eat tea, then I only have to bundle them into bed with my 'favourite' story which is only 5 pages long.

Other times when I am feeling very loving I drag it out for hours so not always like this.

Since being pregnant with 3rd, am even more tired and sometimes even put bedtime hour on for them and fall asleep on sofa myself!

DPs home times are erratic, its often worse when he is working from home. He has no concept of time and will tell me he will be home in half an hour and be home two hours later, totally oblivious to the fact he has screwed the routine AGAIN. Its very difficult because he is a fantastic daddy, but i will have to pick my moments. Its like i have to co-erce two children up the stairs. Tonight was a classic - he is not feeling so well, but she will only have daddy put her to bed, about 7.15 he had gone upstairs, i sent her up to him, thinking great, we can get a bedtime in - next thing i know, he has brought her downstairs, complete with colouring set . I was getting her bottle ready so coultn avert it. So, she did play very nicely with the pens and we sat and did some lovely colouring. But she kicked off at bedtime. I was wanting to say to him, please take her up now (he has to take her up to hide while i wait downstairs) without getting stressy and he was getting stressed wiht me. He makes it so fecking difficult. Then after reading 4 stories, he lets her have two more because "its easier than having her screaming" - by this time im pretty stressed so he gets stressed with me telling ME im stressing him out and making things worse . So she finally goes to sleep, after a cuddle with daddy, and him telling me to "go downstairs" in a horrible voice...nice...sometimes i feel like he is pushing me away from my DD - honestly, he is a lovely, kind, patient, caring man - but my god, is he a fuckwit

Don't worry too much about naps though -

DD - 18 months - sleeps 1 hr am, 2 hrs pm (1-3) and is normally asking for bed at 6.30.

DS - nearly 4 - if not at nursery also sleeps from 1-3 and is always asleep by 7.

'Sleep breeds sleep' as my Mum always says

Just make it clear that she's in bed at a set time, story, 'chat' then maybe try leaving her, with the light on and some books. DS often falls asleep like that but usually is fine with me turning the light out.

Id love to do the film in the afternoon bit, but our telly is on its way out and switches itself off, then you cant turn it back on for hours - so, no TV most of the day today - not a problem, but i did just fancy a wee lie down - tried the whole, playing snap whilst laying on sofa, but got "sit up mummy" saga - it gets easier, doesnt it??

PMSL - 'honestly, he is a lovely, kind, patient, caring man - but my god, is he a fuckwit'

Start a new thread, (without the fuckwit bit!!)get the same responses and say 'Oh Darling, look, this lady's problem seems similar to ours. What do you think?'

i reckon i could get away with it, includng the fuckwit, and even with my very obvious MN name - he still wouldnt get it

cos hes a fuckwit man!!

No, you're not the only one to look forward to DD's bedtime. I love it when mine are sleeping!

I had a similar problem with my DD when she was around the same age. She ended up going to bed at around 8:30-9pm every night. DH insisted that she didn't need that much sleep, and was doing fine! In the end, I removed DH from the bedtime routine inadvertantly when I took her to stay at my in-laws for a week's holiday. Suffice to say, she's been going to bed nicely at 7 - 7:30pm ever since.

If your DD is still having an afternoon nap, try cutting it out to make her more tired so she sleeps earlier. Also, maybe try CBeebies at 5pm!

5 - 6pm is horrendous - i get through it by having friends round for tea, angling for reciprocal invites and going for walks.

Tell him she's going to bed earlier, if he wants together time they can do it at weekends, or in the morning....

Aren't all men fuckwits?

Totally, i mean it with affection though

Mind you, as fuckwittery goes, sitting here half asleep wittering about his fuckwittering is makes me as much as a fuckwit as he is - i thinks im ight go to bed now .

feel free to add further comments regarding aforementioned fuckwittery - this is the first thread ive moaned about DP and not been told im unreasonable - i feel accepted

What would happen if you put dd in the bath at 7pm and then in bed at 7.30pm? Would she be able to get to sleep? By 9pm she's probably just running on adrenaline and it's not good for her. As much as I love my girls, Jeez, once they are in bed (7.30pm) I open the wine and suddenly get tourets F'ing and blinding to my hearts content without the risk of it being heard and repeated at nursery!

I almost feel like I am on a downhill bike ride as I near 7pm. I am just so relieved! My DD has her milk and then story at 7 and then sleep at 7.30.
Must admit I have always had keeping the routine issues with DH. I then went away for a weekend with a group of friends and he finally began to understand! Great tip for anyone who wants more empathy/support from DH's!!!
DD and DH are very close and she does wrap him around her little finger but I have found that it is best I do the bedtimes as I insist my free time begins at 7.30.
DH then gets up a little bit earlier and spends about half hour in the morning with DD before her breakfast, reading and playing. This then gives me time to shower etc.

No YANBU. Everyone no matter how much they love their kids need some time without them and for lots of mums the only peace they get is when DCs are in bed. I feel the same However, I am now starting again with dd2 so probably a couple of months before I see peace before 2200hrs !

I wish i could do the bedtime but she only wants daddy - when i was putting her up it was a case of ten minutes after story she would be asleep, but what tends to happen now is that i have to sit down here listening to her ordering DP around, he comes down for various toys he has been sent for, often twice because he has taken the wrong thing - honestly it would be funny if it wasnt so frustrating. THEN he falls asleep on the bed with her - so mummy and daddy together time = Zero!! I do resent it in a big way, for many reasons.

Today, im going to make sure she is nice and tired and INSIST we put her up early. Lets hope the weather holds out.

5-6pm is known as the witching hour in our house. My boys (almost 1 and 3) are in bed by 7 and really need to be, especially now the eldest isn't napping any more.

Could it be that the evening is when your DP gets to play with DD so he is putting off getting her in to bed so he can spend a bit more time with her. I totally understand about the obly wanting Daddy at bedtime thing. DS1 used to only want me and now he only wants Daddy, but we insist on taking turns to put them to bed and keeping the routine the same otherwise you do just end up with more and more demands for more stories, more toys, and drink of water, a wee etc. ad nauseum. I have found that the rejected parent needs to assert themself as well as having the favoured parent back them up. Could you insist on doing bedtime for a week or so and just grit your teeth through the yelling that will result? would be good to get a routine sorted.

Good luck!

I hate 5pm. It's a killer when you have been in most of the day too.
My DP works late shifts so he is never around at bed time & I hate doing it all myself, it has become such a chore. Good luck with your DP - I think he is a bit swept away by what he sees as his 'Super Dad Routine' but sounds very devoted, so all is not lost. I hope you find some middle ground.