To not want to drive on Christmas Day?

[Monicageller221]

We are eating out on Christmas Day, we are spending it with my partners family who have booked us in for a meal about a 20 minute drive away. The meal is booked for 5pm.

I am not a massive drinker, a lot of the time when we go round to my in laws, I don’t drink. No particular reason other than I don’t fancy it much. Every now and again I will fancy a couple of glasses of something, especially if we are out for an occasion or a celebration. Due to me hardly drinking, even one glass of wine has me feeling a little light headed, so when I do drink I only have a couple.

Due to this, it has been assumed (without asking me) that I will drive myself and DP to his mums early afternoon, then drive us all to the restaurant, then back from the restaurant to his mums, and then me and DP home at the end of the night. So 4 trips in total. DP was having a conversation with his mum on the phone and she was on loudspeaker so I could hear. She said “X will be driving, so that will save us money on taxi fare” then DP replied “well I don’t know because she might want a drink” to which his mum responded that if I do have a drink it will only be one or two so would be pointless and I may as well not drink in order to save us all some money and it would be selfish and petty to make them all get taxis for the sake of a couple of drinks.

The thing is though, I don’t know how I’ll feel on the day. I might a little something in the afternoon beforehand or a glass of wine with my meal. It is my Christmas Day as well and I don’t want to have the option taken away, I want to be able to join in with the celebration and not be limited. Is this unreasonable?

Am I just being petty? I know drinking isn’t everything (I get by just fine every day without it) but I just feel a bit deflated at the automatic assumption that I will be the taxi on the day and don’t get a choice whether to have a drink or not. Please help me see reason!

Well done to your DP to highlight that you might want to drink. Stand firm that you want to keep the option. Explain it’s better than changing your mind and leaving everyone without a wayof getting home

No you are not being petty at all. Your mum in law is being really entitled, with her insisting you drive, to save them money. It’s your Christmas Day too, and right now you may think you won’t be drinking on the day, but maybe you will fancy a drink after all. Just say no to them, regardless if you drink or not.

The initial assumption wouldn't bother me (as a mostly non drinker) but after your DP mentioned it then calling you selfish and only having 2 drinks being a waste was really rude. The only correct response is ok, should we book a taxi then?

Don’t be bullied into it! You have as much right to enjoy yourself on Christmas Day however you want as everyone else.
It sounds like your DP is in your corner so get him to tell his mum that you will be getting a taxi to theirs and home after, and they need to arrange a taxi to and from the meal.

Either drinking is important to them, or it’s not.
If it’s not that important someone else can forego their alcohol consumption for once. If it is important to them they should also understand that it could also be important to you.
Is your husband expecting you to drive to and from your in laws?

No, I spoke to DP after the phone call and said I might want to drink and he said he mentioned that to her but will speak to her again to tell her we will be getting taxis.

but I have just been thinking about it this afternoon and wondering whether MIL is right. Even though I really would prefer not to drive, and have the option to drink.

Thanks everyone, appreciate the responses. Hopefully MIL will be more understanding than on the phone call when we tell her I won’t be driving

No. She's being entitled. If you offered to drive her, that would be a different matter. But otherwise, she either gets a taxi or she stays sober enough to drive herself.

Wow
The audacity of the MIL is staggering

YANBU Op

Ridiculous to claim that you're the selfish one here for maybe having a drink (that they are presumably also having), rather than them for trying to insist you chauffeur them around. I know who I think sounds more selfish!

But even if you don’t drink, you still don’t have to drive if you don’t want to.

MIL assuming you won't drink so you will drive is rude of her - she should at least ask. However, your "I don't know what I will feel like on the day" seems a bit unreasonable to me. If taxis have to be booked they'll need to be booked in advance so the "I'm not sure how I'll feel" is not particularly helpful of you. If MIL is treating you to Xmas lunch then personally I would be the driver (as I don't drink) or I would pay for a taxi for everyone as my contribution to the day. So you're both a bit unreasonable in my view. If you are all paying for your own lunch then taxis would be a shared cost too.

I agree that OP shouldn’t drag this out as MIL might still think she can avoid taxis.
I think OP should say now that she can’t commit to driving, so other arrangements need to be made.
How they are funded will be for all attendees to decide.

The mil is well out of order. Cheek of it. Does she drive?

However the reality of taxis on Christmas Day is that they are slow in arriving, unreliable and frustrating. Not to mention expensive.

If there was ever a day to drive it would be Christmas Day (or New Year's Day).

However if you choose to drive, your generosity in driving should be appreciated and not taken for granted.

And there is no reason why your husband or someone else can't take a turn. Especially if you drive all year for them as a free taxi service.

But I wouldn't get a taxi. It's a nightmare here.

I wouldn't be going if I had to drive on Christmas Day. They have arranged the restaurant it's up to them to sort transport.

Also 5pm is late in the day. I would get hammered early afternoon to teach them all a lesson. My ex husbands family was like this, he didn't drive so I had to spend every Christmas and birthday driving him around with him in a drunken stupor and never wanting to go home

No she's not. Even if you only have a drink or two, you will enjoy more because you're not used to it, and it will affect your driving more, so you shouldn't drive.

I've had heavier drinking friends, seeing DH not drink so that I could, imply that it was a waste when I only had a glass or two of wine. I tend to assume (possibly wrongly) that it's a difference of view between those who drink for enjoyment and those that drink as a mood changer (so anything short of getting plastered is a wasted opportunity).

I'm not sure how I'll feel" is not particularly helpful of you. It is very helpful. It means "on the day I might want to drink, so if you rely on on me, you stand a risk of not getting home, as it will be very difficult to get a last-minute taxi".

Your DP has told her you'll be having a taxi. Don't give it any further thought.

{And if she makes "what a waste" comments on the day, say sweetly "it has much more effect on me because I so rarely drink" )

You could drive and they pay for the entire meal? Sounds fair to me!

I'm not a big drinker so have often had my meal and drinks paid for on the basis I then end up as taxi for the night.

What a bunch of selfish tightwads.

It is helpful because what I’m saying is no, I can’t commit to driving on that day because I might want a drink. I don’t want to make that commitment right now, so the answer will have to be no. DP is speaking to her later so will tell her then

Wow, your mil sounds so entitled and selfish!

Exactly.
The fact I don't enjoy alcohol doesn't mean I'm a fucking chauffeur.

Are they paying for your meal? Just wondering if she therefore thinks you driving is 'fair game'.

Does anyone else drive? Seems odd to assume you will do it.

I think that the fact you pretty much never drink would make me also assume you wouldn't bother on Christmas Day. I also can't see the point in having one glass. However she shouldn't assume you will drive them all about.