How to keep everyone happy on Xmas day?

[DILLEYDALLEY]

How do you keep everyone happy at Christmas? Parents separated. One parent lives down the road, one lives about 40 mins away. I have two DC (DS 7, DD 4). I'm a single parent. Both parents single. Usually see one parent Christmas eve and one Christmas day. I don't want to drive 40 mins there and back on Christmas day, like to have a drink with Christmas lunch and easier to go to parents house where we can walk or get a taxi home. Cousin has also asked to see us and I've said no (but they're fine with that!). Parent who lives 40 mins away always upset we don't go there on Christmas day. There is always an invite to mine on Christmas morning but they never accept. They often ask if we can stay Christmas eve to Christmas morning and I always say no because DC should be in their own bed. Have offered to have Christmas lunch at mine then Christmas dinner in evening with nearer parent but they want us to go there. I'm just fed up with the guilt every Christmas. Dauguter has additional needs (behavioiral) and just dont want to do close to 1.5 hours of travel. I do get it seems unfair but I just dread Christmas day plans every year. How do I keep everyone happy?

DP who lives 40 mins away could easily come on Christmas morning. Most dogs can be left alone for 4-5 hrs occasionally, so they could have a lovely morning with you.
If this DP gets arsey with you, just keep repeating the invite "You are very welcome to come on Christmas morning and watch the DC open their presents and enjoy smoked salmon and croissants."

'They are welcome to visit - most don’t which is ironic since they tried the guilt tripping “family have to be together at Christmas” when we said we’d be bowing out 🙄'

I think a lot of the guilt tripping about family and Christmas just means 'I want things the way I want them and everyone must do what they're told coz that makes me feel good'

OP, it's absolutely reasonable to want a quiet day for you and your children, and to have a drink or two with your Christmas lunch. Stick to your guns, and give up trying to make people happy. It's a fool's game

I think that once you have children Christmas is your family time. You have to do what suits you and them. Your parents need to accept that your life has changed.
This year one of my friends declined Christmas dinner in her mother's house. She is married with kid's. She wanted a day that suited her and her family and not her mother.
She asked her mother to Xmas dinner and she said no.
My friend has had a tough year and rather than giving her some help her mother has complained any time she is asked to babysit. She never offers to help out despite knowing her daughter needs a few child free hours to do things. Along with this she has made some nasty or smart comments to my friend.
My friend has had enough of her mother's behaviour. She has begun to step back and now says no to her mother.

It seems perfectly fair to me. If they want to see you, they can travel.

Do not feel guilty. Your DP's still see you!
Do not tie yourself in knots trying to please everyone.
Your DC are your priority.
You deserve to enjoy Christmas too. It's very hard work for you as it is.
We always visited my DP's on Boxing day and my DS's looked forward to " another Christmas" with them.
Your DF could come to you if he was that bothered.

You don’t feel guilty

your parents can come to you, you simply send them both a message saying you have been thinking, and this year moving forwards you will be staying at home with the kids and they are more than welcome to come on xxxx.

and then let them decide

Be very clear, you will be in your own home on Xmas day. They are welcome to come for lunch. It’s easier with your daughter. Don’t explain beyond this. If you are a single parent to 2 young kids, one with additional needs, I imagine life is fairly busy anyway. You don’t need more stress at Xmas