Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting to flip the middle finger to family this Christmas

16 replies

ChristmasRager · 15/12/2024 08:24

I'm at my wits end and feel like I want to flip the monopoly board on my in-laws and partner this Christmas.

Everyone is sick and I usually love Christmas but the closer it gets the more my stomach fills with rage. I wanted a chilled and relaxed Christmas with my two little ones (1 and 4) and instead we have the in laws descending on the house, full of criticism and judgment over EVERYTHING, and an ungrateful stepchild (11) who is probably just exhibiting age appropriate ungratefulness but makes my blood boil.

I feel so full of festive rage and I really want to get off the anger train but everything they're all doing seems to add to the fire. Ignoring any communication from me, complaining about the time of the meal, commenting on everything from my 'over the top decorations' (I have a tree that is it - they're real grinches), to the children being loud and noisy. I don't want to spend my precious Christmas Day caught up in this anger and seething resentment but I seem unable to stop. Please help! Just had a blazing row with my other half after he told me I'm a martyr and no one would ever have it as hard as me (after I pointed out that I've been doing everything this weekend and have the flu, whereas when he has a mild cold he spends the weekend in bed). F@ck! GRRRRRRRRR

OP posts:
BoxOfCats · 15/12/2024 08:27

Just tell him it's his family and so he can sort everything, take yourself off to bed.

SaagAloopa · 15/12/2024 08:29

It's only the 15th! Are his family there already??

PermanentTemporary · 15/12/2024 08:32

Well, it's the row that's tipped you over the edge and no wonder if you're both ill. Sounds like shit but maybe if you weren't unwell the inlaws comments would have washed over you more. I'm afraid I don't think either of you have got flu, you're both sick though and that's crap. You're allowed to tell the inlaws you're too unwell to host, do they really want to come and pick up bugs from you??

If they're still coming I would do a LOT more decorations, think Melania Trump's white house on steroids tbh

shellyleppard · 15/12/2024 08:32

Go to bed and let him deal with it all 🤣🤣 he will soon see what a ball ache it is. If his family don't like the dinner timing/ Christmas tree whatever just tell them you are cancelling Christmas. Have a peaceful day at home with your little ones. If your hubby doesn't like it send him to his parents 🤣

Spirallingdownwards · 15/12/2024 08:33

Message inlaws and uninvite them on the basis that their version of Christmas doesn't seem to be compatible with your version and therefore it's best if everyone does their own thing.

Buy 11 year old electronics and let them play on it all day so they don't even need to engage with the rest of you.

Have your dinner when it suits you. And enjoy your little ones. Make DH a very comprehensive list of his chores for the day including a final one saying plus anything else I ask you to do (to combat any its not on my list argument).

Open the sherry/gin/Baileys/drink of choice and enjoy it.

Tel12 · 15/12/2024 08:33

You're not going to change them so change your response to them. Water off a duck's back. Delegate. Give lists. It's not all down to you. Have something lined up to look forward to between Christmas and New year. Plan next year's festivities without them.

Parkmybentley · 15/12/2024 08:36

What are they doing in your house? Kick them out. They can get an airbnb or go home.

"Sorry this isn't working for me. It was a nice idea but it isn't working. You'll have to leave. I'd appreciate it if you left quietly and didn't make a scene."

Do not get sucked into justifying or defending your decision. They will just use it against you and try to break you down. Be a broken record. "This isn't working, please leave calmly."

Goldengirl123 · 15/12/2024 08:40

What time are you planning on cooking dinner?

btw if you had flu, you wouldn’t be able to get out of bed so you’ve probably got a cold. If you ever get proper flu, you will know it

mnreader · 15/12/2024 08:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

HellofromJohnCraven · 15/12/2024 09:07

Of you are stuck with them, let go of the "precious christmas day" idea. It won't be so the sooner you adjust your perspective the better

LookItsMeAgain · 15/12/2024 09:08

I'd send (or better yet, get your DH to send) something like this to the whole family (and the sooner you send it, the sooner they can make alternative arrangements) -
"Hi family, as we're under the weather at the moment (it's not Covid but it's fairly knocked us for six), we have decided that we're not going to be able to host you all for Christmas this year. We would just not be well enough to have you. We really do apologise for the short notice and hope you're able to have your own celebration somewhere. We'll catch up with you all in the new year some time.
So sorry again,
@ChristmasRager's DH"

Something like that. The shops are choc-a-bloc with frozen turkeys and other foods so they should be able to get the fixings for a Christmas dinner from somewhere and have a different type of Christmas celebration but without you.

Or you could agree to have them for Christmas Dinner but they must leave by 9pm that evening but I'd go with not being able to host them at all.

Nolegusta · 15/12/2024 09:12

If they live near(ish); 'we're having a quiet christmas this year, but we can pop over on the 24th or 26th/27th if you like?'
If they live far away: 'we're having a quiet christmas this year, but we'll definitely need to pencil in a time for a couple of videochats/phonecalls'.
Job done.
It's actually still not too late this year.

HollyChristmas · 15/12/2024 09:15

Agree with @Goldengirl123 about flu , if it's flu you'd be in bed unable to do anything . I once read if you could see £20 on the floor but you you can't think about pick it up its flu , if you think about picking it up , it's a cold .
All that aside , if he wants his relatives around , let him do Christmas whilst you sit back and enjoy it .

Original poster
ChristmasRager · 15/12/2024 13:21

Thanks all - you're right. I've told him it's on him. If we're well enough by then, he's cooking, organising everything and dealing with them while I drink and play with the kids.

It's been brutal - have had the flu but nearing the end so am able to get up, but now the kids have chest infections (tummy bugs the week before last). It's dire - zero family support and full on jobs as well. Just want a chilled one and think that I've got to adjust my expectations and response to the drama - I.e water off a ducks back as someone said xx

OP posts:
Mikki77 · 15/12/2024 21:46

I don't think you have a cold or flu. Im pretty sure you have COVID....😏😘

TheaBrandt · 15/12/2024 21:57

Bail because you have COVID end of. Channel Christmas 2020

New posts on this thread. Refresh page