Work related stress - don’t know what to do

[Thedoctorswife1]

I started a new part time job about a month ago- it’s not my only job. I’ve worked in this place before- have good relationships with people and was approached to cover maternity leave. I initially said no as they wanted full time but agreed to part time. There was another applicant who wanted part time only so it seemed ideal- we would split the role. 3 days her/2days me.

The day I met my Jobshare partner she made it clear how stressed she felt about the role- how it was very different to her last place and that a lot of the systems were unfamiliar to her. I bent over backwards to support. There were some performance related issues that I was made aware of very early on. I was professional and supportive but increasingly I was being contacted by my partner on my days off/ at evenings and at weekends with questions that it is not my role to answer- I’m only paid 2 days a week. I decided to put up a boundary early on and asked for no personal contact on no working days beyond work emails (my decision to check or not). Until this point she was using personal channels. I also discreetly spoke to the manager and said I wanted it on record that this was not a complaint but I felt there needed to be more support given to my partner as it was encroaching on my personal and family time.

Since then- about a week- my job share partner has been extremely hostile and aggressive in emails to me- she has placed blame on me for issues that have no source in my actions- actively lied about things that I have done and made repeated snipes. I came in on my day off to speak with her - I tried to be really professional and nice about everything. She stormed out of the meeting in tears, made sarcastic comments and refused to engage with me.
Yesterday I made the mistake of checking my work emails (this is squarely on me) and her aggressive comments and messages (6 across a range of shared documents) have me in tears. She’s also blamed me for something that I haven’t done and wouldn’t be warranted even if I had done it.

I am really stressed- I barely ate at our family dinner. I’ve written a long email to the manager which I’ve scheduled sent for Monday outlining everything asking for mediation but my stress levels are so high. I didn’t even want this job but I’ve been enjoying it and have been doing really well. I feel like I’m being punished by this woman and I have no idea why. I feel like walking away but that feels hugely unfair.

This is a her issue, not a you issue. You're doing the right thing by informing management. I would also forward all the aggressive emails. If they don't act on it adequately, hand in your notice. You don't need the job so really there's no point being stressed, although I know it won't feel like it at the moment.

Grow some thicker skin, forward the emails to management and make it clear that this is not acceptable behaviour from your job share.

Don't take it personally. The woman is clearly incompetent and trying yo blame someone else.

Exactly this. The forwarding aggressive emails and any response from you is most important. Offer your notice if things aren’t resolved within a certain time so that you know when this torture will end. No job is worth what you are experiencing.

she is married to one of the senior managers. I have worked with him for a long time feel I have a good relationship with him. That feels more awkward.

I am worried about being labelled as a trouble maker. I think that’s what is causing the most stress. I feel like this woman is playing mind games and I don’t know what she will do next. The first time I met her she said “I know we will be friends. It’s so nice to be working with somebody who isn’t interested in point scoring”. It struck me as really strange at the time. I feel that she has me labelled now as her enemy.

The senior manager (her husband) will know what she's like. Sounds like she got the job through nepotism, and they approached you for competence and to hold the fort. You have two choices - hand in your notice without saying anything, or go through the correct processes with management. I would hope the senior manager would have a stern word with her, or ask her to consider whether the job is a good fit. If not, you leave. None of this is awkward though. It's just work at the end of the day. She sounds petty, don't get dragged into her BS.

OP, no need to be stressed. You don't need the job and you're good at it - you hold all the cards. Management will either side with her, in which case you resign and let them deal with the shit show, or they'll tell her to wind her neck in.

Hi Op, this is literally not your problem to hold, hand it over to your manager to sort out.

It's horrible when someone stamps on your professional integrity, and it's really good you are following through with action.

This is temporary.

This will get resolved.

In five years fingers crossed you'll forget her name.

What I'm hearing is:

• You don't want or need this part time job, you're more doing it as a favour
• There is conflict with someone you need to work closely with that causes you more work as well as a frosty relationship
• Said person is married to someone senior so you aren't going to be sided with
• It's affecting you outside of work

Remove the long email, if you can't summarise it briefly don't send it, and consider what the proposed outcome is.

I would honestly prioritise yourself over stress you don't need, and walk away

Well that complicates thing! She's sleeping with the boss so you're never going to win this

I'd say walk away from this job! Tell them the job share isn't working out and you're fed up of the abusive emails from your incompetent counterpart.

Life is too short to have to put up with this sort of rubbish!