To not change Xmas plans after only being asked today?

[dirtychailatte1]

DF asked today when we were coming to their house for Christmas. I said because they didn't ask I had assumed we were staying home for Christmas and would see them later before New Year. He was annoyed saying of course they expected us to come.

We went there for the past two Christmases but arranged it much earlier. Practically and logistically it would be fine but I spent months not hearing anything and then planned in my head to be home because I assumed we weren't invited. AIBU to think it's too late to expect us to go?

He said he's invited lots of other people. I asked why he didn't invite us at the same time and he said he probably did, but he definitely didn't

will you feel guilty and change your mind? which you can do, do you normally enjoy christmas with your DF?

You clearly don't want to go. So dont

It’s a funny thing, Christmas. It rakes up grievances and tensions. But I would go because it’s your DF and you don’t seem to have any other specific unchangeable plans. After Christmas, see if you can find time to have a proper conversation with him on his own to clear the air. He won’t be around for ever and when he’s gone you’ll regret the time you wasted on silent resentment.

How does a parent forget their child's bloody birthday. Crikey your standards are on the floor. Well yes I am sure she is feeling left out as well she should.

It’s possible he didn’t mention it as he was planning to spend christmas with the special person but has now found out they have other plans. He may be backtracking

It’s your christmas too so you should spend it as you prefer, if he has other people due to come round you wont have left him alone

I would be straight there no questions. Anything to get out of cooking myself. Sadly, it will be me cooking again (with help from DH). The joy on the teenage children’s faces home from Uni and telling me how much they love my cooking helps. But, if I could get away with not doing it I would 🤣

I don't blame you for not wanting to go over given how he has treated you. I'm not a fan of people that don't bother with you throughout the year but then expect you to provide them with their Christmas vision when it suits.

Stick with your own plans and have the Christmas you want.

Thanks I think this is the most likely explanation. She also has a big issue with me which is unexplained, I've asked DH and he said there's no problem or 'it will all be fine', I asked her for coffee and she said she was too busy. All the family have noticed but obviously there's nothing I can do about it.

Turns out she is going to her family for the holidays so maybe now plans have changed. I think this has helped me pinpoint my issues - I either want to go and feel welcome and relaxed and happy, or just be at home, but not go home and be tiptoeing around tension and feeling unwanted and snapped at but then told I'm creating problems if I bring it up (which I know will be the case). I think being asked, but only at the last minute, but snapped at for my confusion and told we were invited before and of course we are expected, exemplifies the entire issue with our relationship.