To think I should have more me time

[Tootiredmummyof3]

Tell me honestly, how much time do you get to yourself? Do you have equal leisure time if you have a partner? How do you divide childcare so you both get time off?
I'm just wondering if I'm BU to think I should get a bit more time to myself so wanted to hear other parents experience.

As a starting point - you should each get roughly equal time for your own thing - depending what people want to do will affect how childcare is impacted - like if one wants a Saturday afternoon for golf and the other wants to do 3 evening gym classes the impact would be quite different - but roughly the same time to be able to what is valuable to you

Your own time should be pretty equal. Even if your partner has a hobby like cycling etc and you don’t you still deserve the right to be alone or do nothing whilst not having the responsibility of children etc.

Of course it should be equal.

Communication is the key. If you need time to yourself, then you need to schedule it! "DH, I would like some time to myself. Would you be able to take the kids out so this is possible?".

zero

24/7 lone parent-carer to disabled child and is home educated

zero professional support or from family

me and me alone

when people talk and assumes everyone had a support network-babysitter or some one they can turn to
then no not everyone has

Starting point in everything is equity. Equal time, equal money, equal input, equal rest.

In reality there will be flexibility and it may not be exactly the same numerically . But the basic principle of equity is the starting point.

So equal time not working, looking after children or doing chores. It probably won't be much in reality if you have small children but any completely spare time should be split equally.

You should get equal time for hobby or leisure.

so ideally he gets an hour at the gym you get an hour. But say him working while your doing childcare doesn’t count as him time.

DH gets leisure time and I don't but that's because I need to work every evening and his work is more detachable so it doesn't bleed into family time.

Most evenings he will watch TV, play games etc while I work on my laptop.

Thanks for your responses. DH has Saturday afternoon as his free time (and sometimes a couple of hours on Sunday depending on what football games he's listening to/watching) but I feel I don't get anything back.
DH says I'm a SAHM so that's my time but it isn't because DS is only doing an hour a day at school and as I do both school runs it's less than an hour (and that's if I can get him to school). DS has additional needs so it's not easy to ask others to help out either, not that we have a lot of support anyway.
I'd love a few hours to myself to do what I want but I'm caring for DS all week and then most of the weekend.
I get it. DH works hard so needs time to unwind but I'd love some time to unwind too.

Every other weekend which is when my exh has the children. I work full time and don't get much free time in the evenings because my kids go to bed quite late now.

I'm completely exhausted, life is totally non stop apart from those 2 weekends a month.

Those in a couple should get equal leisure time. You sound close to burn out OP

Sounds like he sees parenting and house stuff as a nice hobby for you?

When does he have sole charge of DS?

Not really the answer but can you fit something solely for you into the hour DS is in school? Walk, run, swim, podcasts, reading, museums etc?

No, we don't have equal leisure time. Never did as I am the higher earner so always worked long hours while he enjoys a nice house on his civil service pay. Why i decided to have a baby to throw into the mix and make my life 100 times harder, I don't know.

If looking after a child with additional needs is considered 'downtime' by him, how come he isn't prepared to do it himself at weekends then?
After all, he seems to think it's a piece of cake.

Funny how time spent with the kids instead of being at work is "downtime" for women but men don't dee looking after the kids as downtime for them? I imagine you do all the housework too? Perhaps you should tell him.you are dropping that "hobby" in favour of reading and watching tv?!

Well, I hope he has some other redeeming features because that doesn’t sound much fun

So tell him he's looking a bit tired, so he can have some "downtime" with DS for a few hours this morning while you go out with a friend/for a coffee/walk/swimming /whatever.

Put your foot down and tell him.

“DH I hope you had a good time at your hobby this afternoon, now you’re back im going to pop out to the local cafe/to get my nails done/go for a run etc. See you in an hour or two.”

Just tell him you are going out, no asking just be proactive about it and create a new routine for yourself