Long winded but here goes. I’m with my partner 3 years. We got engaged very recently. Due to his own personal circumstances, he moved in with me super quick - after 2 months, but we are soulmates and I was delighted he did. His son followed suit 8 months later. His son is an adult - now 21. We’ll call him Bob. Bob was never “supposed to move in” but was staying a couple nights a week and then just never went back home - issues with mother. OH and I bought a house together just over a year ago. Which Bob also lives in. He contributes 100 a month to live with us.
Since I’ve known Bob, he has completed a levels (not good grades) had a part time job he got sacked from, got a full time job, which he reduced to part time and now is going to reduce to “relief” hours. He is repeating an a level with a view to going to uni. But only attends that class about half the time and has now declared he doesn’t think he’ll get into uni so doesn’t know what he’ll do. He does not contribute in any way to the household - he doesn’t empty a dishwasher - if the dishwasher is full he’ll just leave dishes in the sink. His dad cleans his bathroom for him. To be fair Bob does his own washing, but an example - I have stuff on the indoor air dryer at this time of year. He will literally remove my still damp stuff, to hang up his own. He doesn’t even bring that much personality to the table as we could literally go days without so much as a hello.
Up til this point he has pretty much bought and cooked his own food but because money is now tight with him reducing hours - he’s now started to eat all our food. Example - I made sausages one night for tea, he was offered some - declined. I purposefully cooked extra because I was on a long day at work the next day. I wrapped them up in 2 separate foil packages. One for me, one for OH. By time I was leaving for work at 4am, BOTH were gone. When I text Bob, the reply I got was “oops”. No apology. I was working away, so whilst on phone to OH next night, I was upset about it and he said “so when is your period due again?!” 🤬
I had friends over last weekend and bought lots of nice treats including 12 bars of chocolate. Bob ate every single one in the space of 3/4 days. And thinks it’s acceptable?!
I have settled myself that he lives with us - for how long I do not know. But am I being unreasonable that I’m now expected to financially maintain another adult?! What OH and I contribute to the joint account along with Bobs £100, by the time bills are paid, there is just £150 for groceries. All the food and cleaning products and toilet roll… for a month for £150. Needless to say I always spend a lot more.
I love my OH dearly. So much. His son is the only thing we argue about. He has dad guilt - even though the failure of his first marriage was not his fault. But I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall. Am I being unreasonable to ask for a bit of respect our home?
Also for a bit more perspective, I have health problems. I work part time, but earn the same amount as OH. As we now have a wedding to pay for, I’ve picked up a second job… even though it’s quite literally destroying my health. Yet Bob can see fit to reduce his hours to “relief” and is a fit and healthy 21 year old.