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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My husband told me someone has a crush on him at work.

23 replies

Springsunshine28 · 14/12/2024 00:18

My husband and I recently had a conversation where he told me that one of his coworkers has a crush on him. He found out through another coworker, who shared this with him. He also mentioned that this woman sometimes jokes around, telling others, “He is mine,” especially when he’s talking to other female colleagues. At first, we laughed about it, and he said he couldn’t believe someone would still be interested in him because he doesn’t put much effort into his appearance.
For context, my husband is quite handsome and looks great for his age—he’s turning 40 soon. When I asked him what she looked like, he didn’t give me a clear description but did say she’s not ugly. Initially, it was lighthearted and amusing, but a few days later, he mentioned that another male colleague told him that this woman is “hot.”
After hearing that, I started to feel uncomfortable and a bit insecure, especially since I’ve gained 15 pounds after two pregnancies. When I asked him about his interactions with her, he reassured me that they don’t talk much outside of work-related matters. She’s a receptionist, and he works in healthcare, so their roles don’t involve much direct interaction.
I really appreciate him opening up and talking about this with me but still I feel uneasy and bothered by it.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling annoyed and a little insecure about myself and our relationship?

OP posts:
WonderfulUsername · 14/12/2024 00:21

Well if you're thinking things like 'he's 39 and looks great for his age', maybe he's making it up or exaggerating it?

I'd be very insulted if anyone (but especially my husband) said I 'look great for my age' in my 30s.

Happycow · 14/12/2024 00:22

I'm afraid it does sound very much like he is warming you up to an affair (as in, he has / wants to overstep with her; he is getting in early in case you see a msg from her etc)

JennyTals · 14/12/2024 00:23

Personally I’m not sure I’d wanna know if there’s nothing in it, I wouldn’t tell my dh every time someone chatted me up or asked for my number, or asked me for a coffee etc
and it would just make him paranoid to the point he’d perhaps get funny about it

sprigatito · 14/12/2024 00:25

Sounds like mentionitis. And he's getting a massive ego boost out of telling you. I don't think he's a very nice person.

CalicoPusscat · 14/12/2024 00:27

She's a bit daft going around telling people she has a crush on a married man at work. She doesn't sound the brightest, he's probably a bit perplexed.

Saphire123 · 14/12/2024 00:28

I think warning bells could be sounding.
Keep your eyes and ears open.

Springsunshine28 · 14/12/2024 00:28

Oh gosh. I really hoped not. It will crushed me.

OP posts:
Springsunshine28 · 14/12/2024 00:31

CalicoPusscat · 14/12/2024 00:27

She's a bit daft going around telling people she has a crush on a married man at work. She doesn't sound the brightest, he's probably a bit perplexed.

I know. Thats what I thought. Find it inappropriate.

OP posts:
Whathappensnowplease · 14/12/2024 00:31

I find your DH's behaviour worrying.

Why on earth tell you about this woman supposedly " having a crush " on him?

Why tell you his male colleague thinks she's " hot."

Why is he " joking around" with the women?

It comes over as though you DH and his colleagues are school children, not adults.

If this woman is saying inappropriate things, making it clear she finds him attractive, he should be distancing himself from her and making clear his boundaries are as a married man. NOT boasting about it to you, his DW.

He sounds immatire and unpleasant and you should be asking him what he is doing to shut this woman down.

Springsunshine28 · 14/12/2024 00:31

Happycow · 14/12/2024 00:22

I'm afraid it does sound very much like he is warming you up to an affair (as in, he has / wants to overstep with her; he is getting in early in case you see a msg from her etc)

Oh gosh I really hope not. That will crushed me.

OP posts:
LauderSyme · 14/12/2024 00:32

"I'm not yours, I'm Springsunshine's".

That's what he should say and then he should tell you he has said it.

Do you think he is looking for validation from you?

Springsunshine28 · 14/12/2024 00:35

Whathappensnowplease · 14/12/2024 00:31

I find your DH's behaviour worrying.

Why on earth tell you about this woman supposedly " having a crush " on him?

Why tell you his male colleague thinks she's " hot."

Why is he " joking around" with the women?

It comes over as though you DH and his colleagues are school children, not adults.

If this woman is saying inappropriate things, making it clear she finds him attractive, he should be distancing himself from her and making clear his boundaries are as a married man. NOT boasting about it to you, his DW.

He sounds immatire and unpleasant and you should be asking him what he is doing to shut this woman down.

Edited

To be honest this conversation started after we mentioned to him about a podcast that I was listening to and that this couple whenever he is tempted of anything else he will go tell his wife so its out in the open amd he would not act on it and keep it in the dark. So he then told me about this. He said this incident happend months ago but idk. I actually showed him that I am being affected by it and he then told me that If I get stressed bout this things he will not open up to me anymore which I dont want.

OP posts:
Garlicwest · 14/12/2024 00:35

Mate, he's told you! If he has a secret motive, I should think it's that he wants you to joke around and say "I'm not surprised, you're hot! You're the George Clooney of the hospital, I bet they all fancy you. It's lucky you've got such a fabulous wife, who would leave you the second you messed around!"

It's WAY more worrying if they keep wrangling her name into barely-relevant subjects and start having odd out-of-hours text conversations. They rarely announce the possibility of an affair with a receptionist 😏

Springsunshine28 · 14/12/2024 00:37

LauderSyme · 14/12/2024 00:32

"I'm not yours, I'm Springsunshine's".

That's what he should say and then he should tell you he has said it.

Do you think he is looking for validation from you?

I am really not sure. I think its the feel good ego boost that he is getting from it?
I know my husband well i hope he doesnt act on it but am i overeacting?

OP posts:
Springsunshine28 · 14/12/2024 00:39

Garlicwest · 14/12/2024 00:35

Mate, he's told you! If he has a secret motive, I should think it's that he wants you to joke around and say "I'm not surprised, you're hot! You're the George Clooney of the hospital, I bet they all fancy you. It's lucky you've got such a fabulous wife, who would leave you the second you messed around!"

It's WAY more worrying if they keep wrangling her name into barely-relevant subjects and start having odd out-of-hours text conversations. They rarely announce the possibility of an affair with a receptionist 😏

Ahh thanks! I think my insecurity made it worst because I cannot feel good about it hahaha. But yeah good point.

OP posts:
Springsunshine28 · 14/12/2024 00:40

Whathappensnowplease · 14/12/2024 00:31

I find your DH's behaviour worrying.

Why on earth tell you about this woman supposedly " having a crush " on him?

Why tell you his male colleague thinks she's " hot."

Why is he " joking around" with the women?

It comes over as though you DH and his colleagues are school children, not adults.

If this woman is saying inappropriate things, making it clear she finds him attractive, he should be distancing himself from her and making clear his boundaries are as a married man. NOT boasting about it to you, his DW.

He sounds immatire and unpleasant and you should be asking him what he is doing to shut this woman down.

Edited

He said he didnt confronted this woman as he doesnt want to blow it up. I think maybe he just enjoys the ego boost. I dont know. He was saying he doesnt really talk to her unless its work related.

OP posts:
Whathappensnowplease · 14/12/2024 00:43

Springsunshine28 · 14/12/2024 00:35

To be honest this conversation started after we mentioned to him about a podcast that I was listening to and that this couple whenever he is tempted of anything else he will go tell his wife so its out in the open amd he would not act on it and keep it in the dark. So he then told me about this. He said this incident happend months ago but idk. I actually showed him that I am being affected by it and he then told me that If I get stressed bout this things he will not open up to me anymore which I dont want.

So you are not allowed to ask him what boundaries he has put in place with this woman because he won't like it if you do?

JemimaTab · 14/12/2024 00:43

I would take what he is telling you with a pinch of salt. You don't know that a colleague has said this woman is hot - but your DH has chosen to tell you this. Likely because this is what he himself thinks. Likewise you don't actually know that people at work have said she has a crush on him. All you have to go on is your DH's account.

It just sounds like a bad case of mentionitis. This is how it starts.

SwordToFlamethrower · 14/12/2024 00:44

I tell my husband about all my crushes. I'd never act on them. It doesn't bother him in the slightest. They fizzle out

Prettydisgustingactually · 14/12/2024 00:50

WonderfulUsername · 14/12/2024 00:21

Well if you're thinking things like 'he's 39 and looks great for his age', maybe he's making it up or exaggerating it?

I'd be very insulted if anyone (but especially my husband) said I 'look great for my age' in my 30s.

I thought that too!

Incakewetrust · 14/12/2024 00:54

The cynic in me is thinking that he's telling you all this as he's involved with her and if you ever see anything from her, he can say "I told you, she's obsessed with me! She's crazy!"

The other part of me is thinking that he's not done anything and genuinely does find it all amusing.

I have no idea why he thought it would be appropriate to tell you that other people find her hot though.

Slooodie359 · 14/12/2024 01:06

Realising that if genders were reversed … some guy doing the “she’s mine” & I have crush …. He would be harassing, in big sexist trouble.

She needs a talking to for being inappropriate at work,

NestaArcheron · 14/12/2024 01:19

Happycow · 14/12/2024 00:22

I'm afraid it does sound very much like he is warming you up to an affair (as in, he has / wants to overstep with her; he is getting in early in case you see a msg from her etc)

Really??? Why on earth would you put that in op's head??

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