Anyone else struggle?

[Positivexvibes23]

So me and my husband been married 2 years. We share a child together (5) as well as having our own from previous relationships. He hates the relationship I have with my family. Anyway we spend half the time not talking cause he goes off in moods. My children have to live in this atmosphere then he tries to be ok when his kids due to come. We’ve spent last 2 weeks not speaking I know we have to put end to it somewhere. He is trying to be so nice again (his kids due to come tomorrow) but I just feel I need to stay strong as I can’t keep going round in circles. But why do I feel so bad for not giving in this time???!

He’s abusive, trying to separate you from your family.
Your child is learning that that is a normal relationship.

Yes I have this, definitely abusive I've now managed to get rid - awaiting mortgage legalities, you can only leave when you are exactly ready, it's horrible I know, hang in there and good luck, you deserve better :-)

It's over. You take control and end it.

He is abusing you and your children. Only you can stop your children being abused here.

Get rid of him. He knows how to be a nice person he can turn it on for his children. It’s just that you and your children are not worthy of that consideration.

Sounds like you have a great relationship with your family which is a blessing. Hold on to that and find the courage to confide in one of them before Christmas.

So he has no issue with your children being in a toxic environment but draws the line at his older kids being exposed to it.

Issues need resolving if the can't be resolved thenthe relationship fails. Don't reach your children to settle for this

Sounds like the cycle of abuse. He is alternating "niceness" with abuse. You say that your children live in this atmosphere.

How do you feel about that? Do you want to stay? What do you want your children to take away from this?

Arh, another happy 'blended' family.

Put your children first and get out.

Thank you and I totally relate to this giving up when ready. I know I am ready but he will not leave and I have no where to go with 3 children. I ended up giving in and being ok Friday. Yesterday he started an argument again so now I totally give up and so disappointed in myself all over again for being ok x

Easier said than done when I have no where to go with 3 children

No I don’t want my children to think it’s normal. I’ve asked him to leave many times (his mum has 2 spare bedrooms and his mama has a spare room). I literally have no where to go with 3 children. He is currently on my tenancy agreement so I can’t just change the locks or anything. I cannot afford private rented (currently in council). I have contacted council they will not do anything due to his name being on tenancy

What's your housing situation OP? Do you rent or own?

Don't feel bad it's taken me 5 years!!! I'm so lucky because my kind dad helped me pay him off. Is there anyone in your family that can help you? If not you will have to go down the legal route- he basically HAS to go if there are children involved, I also had many of the "just leave him" comments Like it's that easy! I know there is help out there for you, be brave xx

Council are useless I'm pretty sure if you go down a legal route (just investigate) you CAN get locks changed

When you are ready- emotionally and practically- you need to let the wider families know that you are separating. Then he won't be up against you on your own. It will be very hard for him to refuse to move out when it becomes apparent to the wider family/ community that he thinks his wife and 3 kids should move out. Then his true nature would be public- and it seems like he wouldn't like that. That's why he tries to alienate you from your own family- because you're harder to bully when you've got support.
It might seem insurmountable (and none is saying it will be easy) but plenty of women do manage to leave, and it IS worth it. Lean on your family for support and expose him for who he really is.

Council tenant with both names on tenancy

I rang the council I’ve been in chats with women’s aid and all have proven unhelpful saying I need to be legally separated eg divorce but even then they can’t promise me nothing. I feel so sorry for my kids not that they ever comment but it’s still not the point. I just can’t believe how selfish he is being tbh

Already looked into all this I get into trouble if I change locks or refuse entry due to his name being on the tenancy. Police will always let him back in unless physical evidence he’s abusing me. It’s sad cause the controlling and mental abuse is as bad as physical.