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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm not sure my husband loves me

5 replies

NotQuiteSurre · 13/12/2024 19:37

I don't know if I can / should put a trigger warning for sexual content. I'm genuine, I've just name changed for this post.

My husband (DH) and I have been together since I was 18. From the start, he was open about being bisexual, but until recently, it’s not something that's come up again. We’ve always had an incredibly strong relationship—he’s my best friend, we genuinely don’t argue, constantly doing things for each other qnd saying i love you. My family adore him too.

Recently he was feeling down and I told him to write down things and we'd go over them to make them feel better. One of the things was that he wanted to explore his body because he's always felt shame around it. Specifically, he’s asked if I’d be open to pegging him and has bought toys for it. I asked him if he thinks he might be gay and if he wanted to explore relationships with men which he denied. He said he loves me and this was just about exploring his body and he'd like me to be involved but absolutely doesn't want me to feel pressured.

Tonight, our friend made a silly joke about me being on Tinder, and DH said something along the lines of, i wouldnt mind if it made you happy.

I just have this feeling he sees me as a best friend and maybe he's gay after all? We've been together for over ten years and it's the first time he's been like this, it feels like it's come out of nowhere.

OP posts:
Berga · 13/12/2024 19:40

Pegging doesn't equal gay if that helps.

Whilst he is exploring his shame, you jumping to conclusions won't help. It's not like he has never been honest with you. Could he be gay? Sure. Is he bisexual, well he has always been opening about that. Could he be questioning his relationship regardless, also possible. But he is being very communicative about it with you.

Maybe couples counselling?

NotQuiteSurre · 13/12/2024 19:43

No you're absolutely right. And i always thought i was very 'chill' and non judgemental about it but im not sure why it's thrown me so much.
I think i was feeling odd about the sexual side of things and his comment tonight has really added to it I think. I don't know if I think someone can love someone and be okay with the idea of them being with someone else?

OP posts:
ThePoliteLion · 13/12/2024 20:15

I’m sorry you are facing these questions after a long and happy time. It sounds as if there’s now quite a lot “going on” in your relationship. Your instincts are your super power. Yes, consider couples’ counselling but I also think you should consider counselling for yourself alone.

Beryls · 13/12/2024 20:22

I'd be so hurt if my partner said he wouldn't mind me being on Tinder if it made me happy. I'm sorry OP but I do think that's very telling.

pinkroseleaf · 13/12/2024 20:38

Sounds like he's gay but in denial. Sorry

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