Boundaries at Christmas

[coconutsnaps]

I'm feeling so worn down between christmas, working full time in a toxic office, trying for a new job, and parenting two primary aged DC.

My parents don't help and have no sympathy. They told me to work part time if I can't handle working full time.

It's fine they don't want to help but they still expect to pop over when they're free as opposed to asking if it's suitable etc. they also criticise everything when they come over - asking why we haven't done so and so or why we haven't done this or that. My dad teases too much too.

I have had to take drastic measures recently by explaining and blocking them on social media.

I feel sad about it and wonder if other people are like this especially at christmas?

Definitely OP and I think Xmas often highlights problems already there

Fair enough OP - people might say it’s ok your parents not helping but they’re overstepping imo by taking for granted they can just pop over and also being unfairly critical of you - “why haven’t you done this or that?” - making you feel you have to explain yourself !! - that would really annoy me

I have boundaries of iron with my family. It's a very different situation to you because we live in separate countries so there's no popping in, but I have limited contact with them. Some similar reasons to you - feeling judged and criticized, feeling like they have no interest in my life, being ignored or talked over when they don't like what I say. So I have to take good care of myself and keep them at arms length. It hurts though

Popping round to yours whenever they fancy is not on. Do you want them to respect your boundaries, or do you want to pull away from them completely?

Yeah just to add OP ok your parents could be busy with their own lives so can’t help BUT they can’t overstep with you by invading your space and being unfairly critical

I think you did excellently by drawing boundaries - a lot of people find it difficult 🙌

That’s a really good policy you have

your post is very useful

I just need space at the moment. I don't know yet. Probably at arms length. I'm sick of being criticised, laughed at and being kind to everyone and getting nothing back.

I hear ya OP it’s horrible

my parents trampled my boundaries too even when I was 25 and I was expected to smile sweetly and not react !

This is really good advice.

I was in a similar situation with my in laws up until about 1-2 years ago.

They never helped, turned up when they felt like it. Criticised us constantly, interfered, never listened or showed any genuine interest or care.

Very low contact now. It does hurt but it's a weight off honestly.

Like you op we were struggling with kids, work, busy life and then having to listen to them nitpicking every week.

'That’s a really good policy you have
your post is very useful'

Thank you ❤️ I won't pretend it was easy - years of therapy and gallons of tears were involved, and I still have my sad moments, especially around Christmas. Overall though, I can't rely on being safe emotionally around them so I had to get tough

I had to ban all my relatives from Christmas Day.

Never go anywhere on the day itself now, never have anyone over either. It's just me, ds and dh.

We do have people over on Boxing Day for a meal but they're are rules now and they have to leave by 8pm.

We did it because both sides were behaving like rude entitled assholes. Not going to list all the ways as it would take me all year but let's just say that their behaviour made me go very, very low contact with the lot of them.

Keep the curtains closed and dont answer the door!!