About comments from MIL over mental health

[Orangesandlemons77]

I've been struggling with depression recently and I saw my doctor and had my fluoxetine increased which is thankfully working.

But now I am feeling a bit better I am reflecting on some of the unhelpful comments I have had from MIL recently. For example "the only one who can help you is yourself' 'you will be rattling with all those pills' 'Antidepressants are terrible / addictive" for example.

If I had struggled on myself I would be pretty unwell by now. Thankfully I have a good doctor who responded quickly to help me. But it has made me think about the future, I think I will look after myself from now on and MIL who I have been supporting quite a bit (might have even led to me getting worse) will have to fend for themselves now.

I actually feel quite relieved / less guilty. I do have teenage children and a husband and of course I will support them but the others - well not so much.

Totally annoying but not uncommon from that generation. Personally I wouldn't hold it against her but would try not to discuss your health with her.

How do you respond to the comments (my suggestion is "Im taking my doctors advice and it's working" and also limit her knowledge of your health related info)? What has DH said to her about it?
I definitely think you're justified shifting focus to you, DH and kids, those are really harmful comments and attitudes from her. Well done for taking steps to treat the depression.

That's a bit ageist.
I'm pretty sure valium was a thing in the 60's and 70's.

Why would you mention your confidential medical info in front of her and if it's your dh, tell him to shut the heck up! I would not mention anything you don't want her commenting on, very simply.

The 'older generation' would be more likely to be medicated for depression than be offered counselling and other therapies.

She just sounds ignorant, interfering and ungrateful if she has been supported by OP for a while.

I'm wondering why you're telling her that you're taking antidepressants.

I would keep my personal confidential medical info to myself I think OP. X

Thanks MIL - you're right about needing to help myself, so you'll need to make your own arrangements now.

I told her about it because I have been unwell and unable to meet her as usual for shopping trips which she has become used to. I would not have mentioned it if I thought this would be the response.

Well, I'm not "that generation" and she's right, these medications are crap with their side effects.
After briefly trying them in the past, I manage to live with my anxiety.
The choice is what feels worse. For me it definitely were these pills.

Oh god I had from my mum "you want to be careful, stuff like that runs in the family"
She was referring to a relative who is an alcoholic
Not quite sure how that related to me being on medication for panic attacks but she said it like it was all under my control and I had deliberately given myself panic attacks

For you - I'm on citalopram and have no side effects, never have done
They're not crap

I certainly don't think all older people think like this about medication, but I do think that got the whole /on average older people are less used to talking about feelings, less prone to treating depression as an illness rather than something you 'just can get over' and more prone to be suspicious of anti-depressants (probably because they of valium and older medications such as this, which were prone to abuse and don't have much in common with SSRIs which are not addictive and which are for many without side effects). My parents had a similar attitude and it held me back from getting help in my late teens/early 20s. Later I went on sertraline for depression and it really helped me. However, I didn't mention it to my parents as I know their views on it and don't want to debate my own health decisions with them.

Okay, Citalopram was the worst, as in brushing out stomach and bowels.
😂
But I have people around me, who can more or less function on it and even eat a full steak dinner.

Agree with this. Do we even know the age of the OP or her MIL? I know plenty of “older people” (in their 60s and older- I’m in my 30s) who aren’t ignorant arseholes about mental illness. It’s really not a generational thing in my experience, not these days anyway. My grandparents who were born around 100 years ago were sceptical but that generation are mostly gone now.

OP, you’re completely reasonable. I’m so glad your doctor was helpful and you’re feeling better than you were. It can be quite frightening when you feel very low as well as isolating and the last thing you need is people around you attempt to make you feel like shit for trying to get better. You wouldn’t crawl around on the floor trying to make the best of it if you had a broken leg, you’d seek medical attention to make it better.

Take no notice I've been on them years for chronic depression. Without them I couldn't have bought up 2 kids, worked a job in NHS with a lot of responsibility. I will be on them till I pop my clogs. And you know what I don't give a s---t. if you judge me that's your problem. They had mothers little helpers in the 60s. keep it to yourself and tell her to mind her own business.

I don't think her comments are helpful at all and I'm glad to hear you've found a solution that is helping you. However, it would be good to think ahead for the long term as dealing with the root cause is always the best solution. A lot of people end up with the medication no longer helping them, having to detox from it and build up something else, and the cycle repeats.

No. If you're going to stereotype then you have that backwards. Older people tend to be more likely to think if a doctor says so then it's the right thing. They will also be very familiar with being prescribed pills for 'nerves'. I think the OPs MiL has come to her opinion all of her own accord regardless of her generation. Which isn't even known as she could be anywhere from 60 to 90 for all we know.

That’s the end of the shopping trips op
she’s not a kind person at all

that’s why she’s being nasty about your medical needs as she’s not getting her own way and the attention isn’t on her

Why on earth does she know this level of detail

Sounds like this is a judgement made of very much a limited personal experience. If you only tried antidepressants ‘briefly’ and maybe only a couple of medications, you can’t categorically say that these medications are ‘crap’ with their side effects.

I think you gave too much detail. I am very mindful about what I share because all information invites response. Sad as that is, not everyone can be trusted to be helpful in the way you need. Another one is when you share because you need someone just to listen rather than give advice.

I hope you feel better OP. You're doing a good job with the medication. Don't let this derail you.

And seem as a moral failing by a lot of people. She’s bad with her nerves said in hushed tones.

Op how does your mil know anything about your health or medication? Don’t tell her and make sure your husband does the same.

Yanbu @Orangesandlemons77 My mum told me when I told her I had just been put onto antidepressants for pnd, what do you need those for? In my day we just got on with things! It really hurt as I was really struggling with two under 2. Ironically, she now takes them for anxiety and I just said that it was good she had got help for it and that they are helping her.

Unkind, judgemental woman.
She probably exacerbated your depression and anxiety. You know now never to confide in her again. Superficial is the way to go. Make sure your husband keeps sctum about your medical history too.