To feel my Son given an unreasonable isolation day?

[stucky]

I had a call from my DS school to inform me that he was almost suspended for losing a school lanyard. This has resulted in a safeguarding as the lanyards are used to show staff and students that you are allowed on site. The lanyard he lost was a teachers lanyard, which he was pressured to take off of another student and subsequently lost.

My DS (14) has ADHD and really struggles with his memory. He said that he had no idea how important it was, if he had he would never have agreed to take it. I feel that the system, which I was unaware of until this incident, is faulty. It seems crazy to me that a school would use lanyards as toilet passes when there are so methods that could be used. Am I being unreasonable?

Iv 3 adhd boys and I'd tell them they have to face consequnces of their choices. He chose to take the lanyard off someone else regardless of pressure then lost it. Adhd or not I believe they have to be responsible for the decisions they make. He shouldn't have took the lanyard was first bad choice then not to go directly to a member of staff and hand it over was second bad choice. I'd support the school and have a discussion with dc about different choices that could have been made

This is essentially my view.

I do agree that my son should be accountable for losing the lanyard, and should have given it to the first appropriate adult he came into contact with.

It is the school's system of giving these lanyards to the children in the first place that i take umbridge with. With so many other ways to demonstrate that a child is allowed out of class this seems like such an odd choice especially when it can lead to a safeguarding. It is not a child's responsibility to safeguard the school. That responsibility lies with the school and it's staff. In my opinion, a child should not be put into a position where they can cause one. This is a new policy that has been recently implemented by a new headmaster. My son has started his GCSEs and we are not in a position were he can leave. Nor do I want to move him.

My understanding is that it was given to a friend as a toilet pass. She became very anxious and asked him to take it from her so she didn't have to go back into class. He did say no, but felt bad for her and pressured into taking it. I have spoken to him about being having firm boundaries and not taking responsibility for things that could lead to trouble.

I am not trying to undermine the school.

I'm not quite clear, was he meant to have the lanyard? If you mean that S1 took the toilet lanyard, went to the loo. Then your son needed to go and so took the toilet lanyard off S1 to have while he was in the loo, then lost it, I think the school are being too harsh. Your son had something he needed to have as per school rules, and forgot he had it which is part of his disability, then school need to make allowances.

If S1 handed S2 the toilet lanyard and S2 said he didn't want it and then lost it, why didn't he do something sensible with it straight away? Even if he didn't want to take it, that's not really an excuse to randomly discard it.

As much as I understand the ADHD point, if these situations don’t come with consequences how will he learn not to do things like this and to take accountability for his actions.

He's not punished for losing something. He's punished for having taken something he wasn't supposed to take. They all say they are "pressured" to do stuff yet not all kids cave in to group pressure. So punishment is justified. Stop focusing on the punishment and talk to your son about how he will deal with group pressure to do stupid things the next time, because there will be a next time.

Only person at fault is the teacher for giving it to a child.
It is drummed into us at school not to give our passes to children, it is a huge safeguarding risk.

It's a day of isolation not 10 years hard labour, I'm sure he'll survive.

Hopefully he will learn that peer pressure is not a defence which protects you from consequences.