An in-law / NC one

[nouveaunomduplume]

I have three in-laws:
Number 1 persuaded DP to be guarantor, then defaulted on rent. DP (i.e. we, since finances are joint) was stuck with a bill for a couple of thousand, plus organising cleaners etc. as in-law and flatmates were drug users and left the place filthy.
Number 2 invited someone who had sexually assaulted a family member to a family funeral. in-law 2 knew about the assault but said they had "forgotten".
Number 3 has said some truly vile things over the years, eg that our child's serious health issue was caused by being "starved of maternal love".
I have said these 3 are dead to me, and permanently unwelcome in our house or around our children. DP maintains contact with them, and thinks I am harsh.
Thoughts?

YANBU. Life is too short to consort with turds.

thanks - that's how I see it.
didn't mean to drip feed but the reason DP was tapped as guarantor was in-law 1 had already borrowed from their parent and failed to pay it back, so that parent refused to act as guarantor, then in-law 1's drug use spiralled out of control leading them to lose job and default on rent.

they seem like bums. dont give it a second thought and stand your ground and be proud to have a moral compass unlike dp

So you DP knew that this in-law had already borrowed from their parents and failed to pay it back when he agreed to be a guarantor for in-law 1? How stupid is he?

You are not harsh to cut off contact as they all sound awful in different ways.

DP is the biggest part of the problem for you, since he persists in putting your joint finances and perhaps safety at risk to help these family members. You need to sort this out with him. Going NC with the relatives won't help all that much.

I wasn't aware either of the guarantor agreement or the previous loan from the parent which was not repaid. I'm not sure how much of the history DP was aware of when they agreed to be guarantor. DP paid it out of "personal" savings but the way I see it, that's £2k we'll never see and can't spend on our own kids needs. DP is a sucker for a sob story but this gets used by members of their family.

I'd never expect anyone to guarantee anything for me, but if for some reason they had done, I'd take a second job scrubbing toilets rather than live with the shame of owing them. I think we have very different ideas about what's honourable. I'd rather be hard but fair than a mug.