To think he should stay at home?

[Firsthingsfirst]

DH has been unwell since last Friday with me picking up all of the parenting slack, housework etc and caring for him (cooking and cleaning up after him bringing medicines etc). He’s been sleeping nearly all the time. Have had a few arguments as he’s been snappy with children, so maybe feeling resentful and also exhausted.

I seem to have caught the same bug, I’m feeling shivery and tired, sore throat. It doesn’t feel like I would need to be bed bound right now, but I’d definitely like to be. I’m supposed to be taking children to my mother’s this weekend, while he goes hours away for his friends birthday party, staying over. It’s been in the diary for months, doesn’t do much like this at all and he’s been excited.

I will take a Covid test (he didn’t as isolated anyway) but it may not be ok for me to visit my mum when I’m not well regardless. I feel it’s unfair - I’ve been caring for him all week and now I’m not well I’m expected to do more parenting, alone, possibly at home and indoors while he goes and parties. He hasn’t mentioned to stay, and it’s probably unfair of me to think he should. He said “you’re in better health so you’ll probably not get this as bad as me anyway” which is untrue and felt dismissive!

thoughts please.

If you worsen, no he shouldn't go. I get he's been excited and it's been planned for months, but responsibilities Trump a jolly.

I would probably wait and see how I felt in the morning (assuming he would be going tomorrow), but yes if you're so ill you need to sleep all the time like he did then I would expect him to cancel his plans. You can't look after the kids alone like that.

He can't be feeling too bad if he wants to go out and party. I agree that he should be trying to help a bit more.

Sorry OP it's rubbish but I think he should go seeing as it's something that's been planned for ages not just a random night out. Unless you get so bad you literally can't get out of bed of course.
Also depending how old your DC are, if they're babies/toddlers then yeah I would probably change my mind and he should stay.
Going to your mum's with a bad cold doesn't seem like the best idea either .

As it's something he's been really looking forward to, has been in the calendar for months and he doesn't do it often, I'd be inclined to try and power through but I'd be doing it through gritted teeth for sure!

If you are physically incapable of caring for the children and bed bound then of course he shouldn't go, but I'd say it's quite rare to be that poorly.

Can DH drop kids at your mum's on his way to the party and you go to bed?

Really difficult one as it's not like it's a random saturday down the pub. I think if this was DH, what he'd probably do would be to adapt his plans a bit - so perhaps plan to leave later/come back earlier or offer to take the children in the morning/day before so I can sleep and get as well as I can before he leaves.

Ugh I used to have a DH like this. He’d take to his bed ill and leave me to run around like a blue arsed fly doing everything and holding down a full time job. Then I’d come down with whatever bug it was and he’d bugger off back to work and leave me to cope. Wouldn’t even do the school run so I’d have drag myself out twice a day feeling like death.

If I were you, I’d cancel the weekend at your mum’s and just plan a quiet one at home with the kids. Watch films, lounge on the sofa with snacks rather than proper meals for the day. DH can then take over as soon as he gets back from his night out and you can rest.

He said “you’re in better health so you’ll probably not get this as bad as me anyway” which is untrue and felt dismissive!

I bet there's always some reason he's sicker than you.

Unless you can't care for the children, he should go. Because as you say, he's been looking forward to it and it isn't often. But the message that you don't get to be as sick as him is bullshit and you need to communicate that a little gratitude, appreciation and sympathy would go a very long way.

If he's away for one night, I would say he should go and you just hunker down with the children, blanket on the sofa and takeaway. Get him to do a food shop so you've got easy stuff like sandwiches and soup for the kids meals. Could he drop the kids at your mum's if it's not too far so you can go to bed?