To want to un-invite a bridesmaid?

[Bride2Be2026]

I got engaged this year, and am getting married late 2026. I already asked my closest friends to be my bridesmaids, as I wanted some input on wedding planning and didn't want to be asking their advice without them being aware they were bridesmaids.

One of these friends has since become very distant. She has cancelled several events where she was due to see us at the last minute, and has appeared to avoid us at other times. She hasn't supported me or my fiancé through some significant life events inc. miscarriage, parenthood and health issues. We both feel really let down and hurt by this and neither of us consider her a close friend any more.

The reason I'm being hesitant about un-inviting her is that I really dislike her boyfriend, and I'm worried that a lot of this recent behaviour is his influence, as it's very uncharacteristic of her. She's changed a lot and pulled away from friends since they've been together. I hope this is just because of general life stress, but worst case scenario I'm worried that it could be an abusive and controlling relationship. In which case, I want to be supportive of her, and not an AH by only thinking about myself.

I want to talk to her about this - separately from the bridesmaid/wedding issue - because I'm genuinely worried about her. But also, I am having second thoughts about whether I want her to be a bridesmaid as she has been so unenthusiastic/weird about everything and is not someone I consider myself close to any more.

I realise there's lots of time before the wedding for this to change so I don't want to jump at this without thinking, but my fiancé has proposed a small joint stag/hen weekend abroad in 2025, so there are things sooner which could be impacted that I'm feeling very aware of.

AIBU to want to un-invite her?
[I'm not saying I definitely am going to as I genuinely care more about her wellbeing and if she's doing ok at the moment and is safe... but I feel like I want to at the moment given her change in behaviour/lack of support].

Has anyone had any similar experiences themselves? Any bridal party regrets?
Or have any other advice about how to approach this?

TIA

It all sounds a bit intense..how long have you been engaged if she hasn't been supportive through major stuff you have had going on?
Perhaps she can't get excited about 2 years of wedding build up?
A joint hen / stag abroad a year before the wedding seems rather OTT

Me, I have experience.
I would give it a bit longer as your wedding is quite some time away. But if it continues, definitely speak with her and tell her you feel you’ve grown apart and it’s best if she isn’t bridesmaid. Still invite her, but leave it up to her.

I wish I dumped my bridesmaid. It’s my biggest regret and still hurts me so so much years later.

She's your friend, why not get her on her own and say you've noticed she isn't as relaxed as she used to be, and is anything wrong? From there you could ask if she'd prefer not to be a bridesmaid if things are a bit stressful, and find out how keen she really is.

As your wedding is still almost 2 years away, I'd atill give it quite some time before I did anything.
Keep in touch with her, so the lines of communication are open if she needs you.
Without knowing her or you, it's hard to know if she might think you would welcome space with your dp during these significant events, people handle these situations differently.
By spring you might have a better idea of the situation...you could book the joint stag/hen for spring/summer 2026, so it feels like it is for your wedding, having it a year in advance might not make it feel like it's part of your wedding, and you'll likely then have another one nearer the time (I know this part is irrelevant, sorry 😂)

will the joint stag/hen be your only stag/hen? It seems a bit crazy to do it a year in advance but I guess it doesn’t matter.

She might be going through a lot you don’t know about. If the boyfriend is controlling he might be isolating her and she may not be able to open up to you. But still talk to her.

I wouldn’t write her off. I would ride the wave. You have 2 years to the wedding and everything could change in that time.

I wouldn't uninvite her without talking to her and finding out if things are ok with her. Presumably she was a close friend when you asked her. I'd be worried about her maybe being controlled and isolated by the horrible boyfriend? Can you try and arrange a lunch or meet up with just the two of you and have a chat?