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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cancelled Christmas

9 replies

Looneymahooney · 12/12/2024 19:30

I have gone and cancelled Christmas at my house after a big fallout with my mum and the stress of it all.

Basically my mum asked me if we could have Christmas at mine, which I was fine with, but didn't want my grandma and aunt to be invited (on my dad's side, my mum and dad are still together, but she doesnt like my dads mum). I am close with my grandma, and my mum also goes on a cruise with my dad, his mum, and sister every year (paid for by my grandma).

My mum then changed her mind, somewhat reluntantly and said they could be invited (my mum seems to think its her decision who is around mine for christmas, and I was always going to invited them anyway). So I went ahead and invited them. I then asked my mum if she knew if my brother would be coming, to which she replied 'what do you think? I doubt he will want to come now considering you have gone and invited them'

She bloody said they could come??? And now I am being blamed for my brother potentially not wanting to come because of this.

Tbh, I wanted a relaxing Christmas and wasn't fussed who came for Christmas day, but I wasn't going to intentionally leave anyone out. If whoever doesn't want to come, that is fine.

This is not the only issue I have had with my mum (I won't go into it here though, I'd be here all day), So having had enough of it all and the stress of trying to keep everyone happy, I have said to my mum that I am not longer hosting Christmas.

I think I have overreacted with cancelling christmas but not at being pissed off with my mum. Are these normal family squabbles? Or is my mum completely out of order? Sometimes, I lose perspective. My mum says I blow things out of proportion, but I also feel gaslighted by her when she says this.

OP posts:
MumOfOneAllAlone · 12/12/2024 21:35

I think you've overreacted girl, and that this is a normal part of hosting families for Christmas. I get the impression you don't want to do it anyway?

Stretchanoctave · 12/12/2024 21:38

No sod them all. It’s your Christmas too. Let them crack on and organise themselves.

magicalmrmistoffelees · 12/12/2024 21:39

I don’t think you’ve overreacted. If someone tried to tell me who I could invite to my own house I’d tell them to piss off and celebrate elsewhere too.

TheJones · 12/12/2024 21:50

You’ve not over reacted at all. Your mum was playing silly manipulative games / having a hissy fit and this is the result. You’ve handled it well!

Lammveg · 12/12/2024 21:54

So your mum doesn't like her MIL/SIL but goes on hol with them every year?

Why did she think she could decide who to invite to your house?

Why wouldn't your brother come if those 2 family members are invited?

Regardless it sounds like hard work so YANBU to cancel.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 12/12/2024 21:58

No, your mum is domineering and shouldn't be allowed to ride roughshod over you like that. She needs to be taught a lesson.

How would you like to spend Christmas?

gingergiraffe · 12/12/2024 22:23

Personally, if you are happy with the people you have invited coming for Christmas, I would stick to your original plan. If your brother does decide he does not want to come, his loss.
In the past my daughter said if her brother’s girlfriend came, she would not. My son said he would only come if his girlfriend came too. (No animosity from him.) I then said perhaps it would be nice for DH and I to go away for a change. Daughter soon changed her tune, they all came and everything went smoothly.
OP do not be dictated to. You do what you want and invite who you want. If anyone declines, their loss.

GreyBeeplus3 · 14/12/2025 14:51

Don't be dictated to by your mum
She's a bully who dictates and blames others when it's not going to her liking
I think you were right to cancel you'll not win in this situation no matter what you try to do to make everyone happy
You said you wanted a quiet relaxing one well have it!
Cook yourself a nice roast
Few bottles of wine
Some choccy boxes
Unwrap a few presents you specially selected you
And 'Love Actually' on the TV
What more does a girl want??
Also
This business about the cruise?
It's nice to know that she can afford it whilst everyone is under her thumb as she paid?
Has captive audience to coherce right there

CinnamonBuns67 · 14/12/2025 17:10

Yanbu. She played a silly game, she won a silly prize. She told you they could be invited and now you've done it is trying to guilt trip l for doing it by making out it's your fault if your brother doesn't come. Spend Christmas exactly how you wish.

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