To not know how toddler mums get healthy

[Emarosa]

I really need to get healthier, but I have no idea how. I’m putting on weight, and not getting any exercise.

Life just feels enormously busy, and I just can’t seem to fit it in. I have a wonderful DS(2), but also work full time in a very stressful job (which we need because our mortgage and other costs have flown up). I often travel for work. My DH was made redundant last year. He fortunately got a new job quickly, but his role is very specific so his new job is on the other side of the country and requires him to live away during the week.

I don’t think I eat too badly, and tend to batch cook at the start of the week. But I feel exhausted and lack will power to resist the snacks. My midweek is so focused on DS and work, with at most an hour after DS has gone to bed for dinner and a very short rest.

I want to spend my free time with DS and DH, so really struggle to motivate myself to leave them in the weekends for the gym.

Am I just making up (unreasonable) excuses? Has anyone found anything that worked?

It’s really hard. Do you get to work from home? I try and fit in a 30 minute run twice a week on my wfh days and then another run on the weekend. For the weekend run we take my toddler to a local park and my husband goes to the playground with her while I run. I join them straight after so it doesn’t feel like I’m missing family time.

But I feel exhausted and lack will power to resist the snacks.

That's the bit you need to work on first and foremost.

Not the exhausted bit necessarily bit the snacking.

I have no willpower around snacks either. So I don't have them in the house, or I buy a small number and once they've gone,they've gone.

It will be tough with working full time and your DH away. Do you have a lunch break? That's the obvious option to give yourself some exercise time.
Can you build walking into your day e.g going for a quick walk before and after work? I've found this makes a huge difference to my overall wellbeing

Otherwise your option is to exercise to you tube videos once DS is in bed. Can you eat dinner with him, so it's not an additional thing to fit in later?

When mine were small these were the ways I managed to fit in some exercise
Run or weights in my work lunch break (buy a set of dumbbells and leave them at work )
spin bike from eBay or Facebook in the sitting room so I would spin whilst toddler played next to me
At the play park I’d do burpees/ push-ups , star jumps while pushing them on the swing or waiting for them to come down the slide ( live rurally so no-one else at the park)
Do short exercise videos together ( DC thought this was great fun, they would get bored themselves but enjoy watching me. We turned it into a game)
Early morning exercise class at the leisure centre at the weekend so I’d be back home by 9 am ready to start a family day.

it’s tough to fit anything in when you are exhausted but even short bursts will help.

Honestly losing weight is easy. Just don't eat extra. Just don't put it in your mouth. Every time you think "just fancy that extra bit of toast", don't. Don't get the bread, don't put it in the toaster, don't put it in your mouth. "Hm, id like some mayo on this chicken salad" - nope, dont. Ditto anything else extra you want to put in your mouth - crisps, crackers, whatever - just don't pick it up and don't eat it. Heck, don't buy it if you can avoid doing (hard when there's other people in the house and kids, of course).

Some mental health conditions or learning disabilities may make that quite a bit harder for people, if not impossible to understand, but other than that - just don't. Don't do it.

If this suggestion made you (or anyone else reading) defensive, analyse why. Why is it hard to accept that it's that easy? Might start to figure out what's actually going on for you.

I fully believe people can eat a reasonable amount of calories and still end up obese or overweight, personally, so I think a lot more is going on medically than the diet industry would have us believe (bodies not burning enough/lacking energy due to medical issues)... so if that is a reason, make a stink to your doctor.

But if you know it's not, and it's just extra snacks... then, just don't.

Weight loss is 80 percent diet 20 percent exercise.

so you need to focus first off on what you consume. So focus on snacks and portion control. And any booze you may have, or calorific drinks. You don’t need to be away from your family to do this. Just buy healthy snacks, manage your portions. The exercise can come later.

Oh, come on. That is just ridiculous. If it was easy, then nobody would be overweight or obese. And before you say I'm being defensive, I'm a healthy weight.

When I was a working mum of a toddler I snacked loads throughout the day to just get through the day (also boredom).

now I’m a SAHM I barely snack and running around all the time! I think it’s environment too, it’s hard to resist snacks when sitting at a desk

I agree, sorry OP. I know it can be really hard, I've watched my DH's weight go up and down up and down for years, I know he finds it so tough.

There have been periods where I've been nowhere near physically active enough for good health, like you struggling to find time and energy to exercise around work and kids. However I've always maintained a healthy weight anyway - which don't get me wrong isn't the be all and end all, exercise is very important. Weight loss can be achieved without exercise and I would suggest cutting out snacks would be the obvious first step to that.

Best of luck OP.

I lost 4 stone with almost no exercise. It’s calories that’s all. You need to find how many calories you need to be in a deficit and track everything you eat.

As a personal trainer and lifelong fitness fanatic I 100% hear you! Staying fit (or getting back into shape) with a toddler or mobile baby is hard! I make exercise a priority. I run with the pushchair 5 times a week first thing in the morning. It gives me a break because dont have to worry about DD eating the Christmas decorations, banging her head on the coffee table or shutting her fingers in the door...Its so frustrating that a 1 hour gym session is just not possible. I can't go swimming or do anything where I have to leave DD behind. Even a basic yoga session is off limits.

I keep fit in the same way as I do everything these days. One of the things I miss most about being child free is being able to shower and do everything at once (ie. Wash my hair, shave my legs, moisturise, straighten my hair...etc). Exercise is the same I have to break it up into smaller chunks. So whilst I'm playing on the floor with DD I'm sneaking in some 10 minutes stretches. If we are are in the park, I will run about being silly. I squeeze in 15 mins of weights in the morning. And DD acts as my cheerleader. Its not the focus of the day but it's integrated into the day of you know what I mean. As she's got older I've found more and more ways to stay active.

I put on weight during the first year despite running 150miles + a month and eating healthy. Breastfeeding gave me a huge appetite. Unless you are overweight I think it's unrealistic to try and lose weight when breastfeeding. It's all part of it. I just accepted that I wasn't going to lose weight at first. It's demotivating to keep trying and failing (your hormones are against you!).

When it comes to meal times, you need to plan. Quick easy meals that are healthy. You can't plan elaborate meals or fancy salads because when you're watching a toddler you cant spend time on chopping veggies and making dressings. Just cut the snacks and that should do the trick (seriously!)

Be kind to yourself. It's hard but possible. First you need to manage your expectations and find a routine that fits around your lifestyle and is not competing against it.

Firstly, don’t be too hard on yourself! It sounds like you’ve had a tough time lately.

Next, exercise doesn’t need to be dedicated exercise, just keeping moving (which you kind of have to do so to young children). Do you have a step counter on your phone? Start by looking at that and seeing if you can increase the monthly average steps month by month. It will reassure you that you’re not getting zero exercise just because there’s no time for the gym.

Can you do things that will increase movement with your DS? Running around the garden playing tag (I don’t know how old he is!) or having races with him. Can you work at a standing desk?

With snacks, can you buy smaller packets? Or find something healthier to snack on? I’m a big fan of nuts as they fill me up and I don’t need too many.

Finally, are you actually overweight? Or just not at what you perceive to be your ideal? At some points in life it goes up a bit and at other times comes down. Ignore that if you’re genuinely overweight but if it’s a few kilos fluctuation then just get active for health reasons and don’t worry too much about the weight.

All much easier to do in summer than in the run up to Christmas, but above find things you enjoy

This is how I aspire to be. But the reality is very far from the dream!

It is really hard. I've tried after the first, failed. Had more success after the second, but still I've given up.

Exercise wise the only thing that worked for me was private training (I used to train 3-4x a week before my pregnancy, and was runnin a lot of races etc). I had signed up and paid to go, so it helped with accountability. I've stopped now though because it's too expensive to maintain with nursery fees etc, and it was just taking time off my work day which I then had to compensate at other times...

Food wise, I've always had trouble keeping my weight to a normal range but I had good habits before that made it work. Like not having any easy carbs or treats in the house. This is impossible now as the kids need toast, pasta etc. I have started on weight loss injections recently to loose the baby weight. I know it won't be a long term solution but I'm hoping it will get easier once they get to school age, and we can form new healthy habits by then.

YANBU it's hard when you're managing on your own during the week.

Im not on my own, DH is here and picks up his half of the load, and tbh even we don't have any relaxing time in the evening. We can have an hour infront of the TV or we can have an hour exercising and we go with the latter. Im not trying to make us sound like saints but it's the thing we prioritise (we're both in our 40s and it becomes pretty apparent how important exercise is at this point!). But life does feel relentless with hardly any downtime.

My main tip, without shelling out money, is Youtbe. It's a goldmine of exercise videos and you can start with gentler stuff like Pilates and Yoga and build up to cardio/bodyweight exercises. I did that and then progressed onto weights.

For a while you have to remind yourself that 20-60mins exercise is also 'downtime' and tbh it is for me as I'm not thinking about work or kids.

Just try not to be hard on yourself. It's not just you, it IS HARD! Start with little 20 min chunks a couple of times a week and give yourself a pat on the back. Then build up a bit more x

I think this is probably the best advice so far.
Working out used to be my down time and finding a way to get that mindset again (instead of it being a chore) is probably the key to success!

In addition to YouTube, the LesMills online training can be really good too. Some don't require any equipment and are really fun and easy to follow at home. I think I was paying about £10/month during COVID.

Go for walks or swimming all together on the weekend, play football, anything.

There are so many more options then going to the gym. I hate the gym!

I struggle with this too, because I used to be very active and now feel guilty if I leave DP to do the heavy lifting with the kids while I'm out running. A couple of things that do work for me, though, are: I get more exercise when travelling for work because then you can plan to go for a run or use the hotel gym or whatever with no other responsibilities. And I eat my dinner really early with the kids (and maybe a small snack or pudding later when they've gone to bed) - if that's an option for you OP it might help you snack less, give you more digestion time, and maybe even allow for a bit of exercise after toddler bedtime.

Thanks everyone, for your support and practical advice and tips.

I appreciate the emphasis on food. I don't feel I eat a huge amount differently than I used to when I was slim, but I guess post-pregnancy and with getting older, just eating the same isn't good enough. I feel at a bit of a turning point where I can see my body changing, and while some fluctuation is fine and normal, I don't want to get into a worsening hole that's hard to get out of. I am also definitely a comfort eater, and this year has been tough at times.

We don't actually tend to have many snacks in the house at all (for exactly that reason!), but the trouble is things like the unnecessary mid-afternoon slice of toast. Maybe I just need to find a healthier alternative, or a lunch that helps stay fuller longer?

One thing I've found helpful has been intermittent fasting. I don't find it difficult to not eat in the morning, and I often find that when I do have breakfast I feel weirdly hungrier in the late morning.

I love the exercise tips! So helpful. I hadn't actively thought of all the ways to incorporate DS into exercising (other than whizzing his Cozy Coupe around the garden come rain or shine!). I'll also definitely check out some of those youtube tips.

I do get a work lunch break - but so often work through it. I probably need to be more disciplined and get out for a walk instead.

Make changes to your life to remove some stress in the longer run, whether it's downsizing, or switching for a less nice car, or just saying no to some stuff at work. Then get to your GP for a blood test to make sure it's not medical. Fixing the overwhelm will help you fix the other stuff much more easily, and it works better than adding yet more to your plate.

It’s ok to miss an hour or two of family time so you can go to the gym OP! @Emarosa

weekends don’t have to be solid hour after hour of family time and it’s setting a good example to your daughter to see you looking after yourself 😀

I eat less. I sit with the hunger. It isn't nice but it's what is necessary to maintain my size 8 figure.

You'll find the time again, they aren't wee for long. You also can't exercise out a bad diet, so you might as well concentrate on what you can do with what you have.

Gym is too time consuming with young kids. Jogging is much quicker and just as effective, along with youtube yoga/ fitness classes

It's so difficult when you're exhausted and short on time. I'm a single parent to 3 kids (2 toddlers) and I work full time so a similar situation.

I don't keep snacks in the house and I try to eat high protein so I don't crave them.

I try to batch cook healthy meals on a Sunday or buy quick easy meals like stir fry etc.

I try to take vitamins and have a protein shake every morning. I go to the gym on my lunch break whenever I can.

But mostly I just try to accept that I'm swimming against the tide and not beat myself up for having no time or energy. If I make it to the gym once a week I consider it a win. If I'm too tired/busy/stressed and don't make it or end up ordering a takeaway then oh well. Just keep going. It's about the long game.

What worked for me was proper food logging and working out with a static job I didn't need anywhere near 2000 calories a day!
I did this with my fitness pal and a fitbit watch then reduced calories to 1200 a day. I also work full time with young children (5 &2) but have a long term health condition so exercise isn't possible for me.
I've lost over 3 stone and its staying off.

Recommend high protein lower calories for keeping fuller longer. Also increase your veg portion on the plate.