Teacher telling 7yo that Father Christmas not real

[Peaceandquietandacuppa]

Is it reasonable for a RE teacher to tell 7 year olds that Father Christmas isn’t real?

My 7 year old DS has just told me that his RE teacher told the class Father Christmas “isn’t real” today. He isn’t one to over-exaggerate. I asked if any of the kids prompted it by asking and he said no, she just said it.

If you think it’s unreasonable, would you say anything to the school?

YABU - teachers are fine to say FC is not real at the age of 7

YANBU - let the kids / parents decide if FC is real. Just don’t say anything!

There are children who have never been told about Santa and still manage to have a wonderful Christmas.

Clearly that's not the same is it?

If, as a child, you genuinely believe Father Christmas is visiting you and you get told it's all a lie just days before Christmas, that's going to be upsetting for them.

If you never believed them of course it's not going to be the same.

Kids get over things quickly. Of course, it’s lovely to keep Christmas magical for them, but finding out Santa is not real doesn’t mean that Christmas is ruined.

Yeah, but it’s not going to ruin Christmas is it? Seriously

That's not your call though is it?

Why do something that has the potential to upset a child unnecessarily?

Kids get over things quickly. Of course, it’s lovely to keep Christmas magical for them, but finding out Santa is not real doesn’t mean that Christmas is ruined.

But why would you want to ruin the magic on purpose though? Especially for a child that's not even yours!

Quite possibly. It certainly isn’t going to be a nice memory, is it? It will always be the Christmas that the teacher spoiled for them.

Not the teacher’s place. Unacceptable.

Perhaps, but it’s not Christmas ending.

They would get over it, of course. Doesn’t take away how mean it is of the adult though.

According to the OP, nobody asked the RE teacher about Santa. She wasn't answering a question asking whether Santa is real, so it wasn't that she didn't want to lie. She just told the class unprompted that Father Christmas isn't real.

Obviously she wasn't lying, but it wasn't her place to tell a class full of 7 year olds that Santa isn't real just before Christmas. The vast majority of children stop believing by the time they go to secondary school, so it wasn't necessary for the teacher to do this.

Honestly isn't always a kindness.

Indeed, most people do still manage to enjoy Christmas even after learning Santa isn't real. And look back on whatever made them find out and it's just a childhood memory like any other. If they even do remember at all.

Just gonna say that in 13 years working in schools and CAMHS in child educational psychology and mental health, trauma from finding out Santa isn't real never made it into the therapy room.

My father is a JW and derives great satisfaction from attempting to tell my now 10 years old daughter with Down's that Santa isn't real. It started about 5 years ago. Thankfully we don't see him very often, and she's usually not paying enough attention to him to comprehend what he's saying. I've lost my shit at him so many times, he takes no notice. He's blindingly self righteous, and walking on everything ice.
This teacher is basically the same. WHY does she feel the need to bring this up? Because of HER opinions. Everyone has them, they're like arse holes, as the saying goes. If she doesn't agree, she should just belt up and "scroll on by".

Just gonna say that in 13 years working in schools and CAMHS in child educational psychology and mental health, trauma from finding out Santa isn't real never made it into the therapy room.

Nobody is saying it's this extreme.

But you're being a little disingenuous if you're saying a young child wouldn't be bothered at all by finding out Father Christmas isn't real just days before Christmas itself.

Nobody is suggesting it's going to create long term trauma, mental health issues or result in a stolen childhood.

But an adult purposefully telling a child Father Christmas isn't real is unkind

I'm not keen on the lying about santa thing to start with, but I don't label those who choose to lie as horrible.
DS was never lied to about santa. He accepted that some people's parents did lie and was versed in the 'we all believe different things' reply.

An adult also knows the potential repercussions down the line when they chose to start the lie. Their choice, of course, but they cannot police others different choices.

You could say that about starting the needless lie in the first place though.

'According to OP'.
The child may be recounting the events inaccurately to OP, or even missed something said previously or as part of another conversation in the classroom.

Alternatively, the RE teacher might be a religious zealot like the JW father of the above poster who delighted in telling his 10 year old grand-daughter with Downs Syndrome that Santa doesn't exist.

We can all make up our own version of events but I normally take the OP's description of the issue they are raising at face value and don't automatically think that their account of events is untre.

I take OP at face value but I'm not sure her child's version will be 100% accurate.

I agree it's unkind to do it deliberately, and I don't doubt a child would be upset. But we seem to believe these days that if children get upset about small things it's the end of the world and they won't get over it.

Also, as @Nolegusta says, if parents are going to choose to lie about Father Christmas, they can't police others' decision not to lie, therefore they also take the risk that their kids will find out that it's a lie at some stage before parents decide to tell them.

Of course. They're 7

I agree it's unkind to do it deliberately, and I don't doubt a child would be upset. But we seem to believe these days that if children get upset about small things it's the end of the world and they won't get over it.

I'm not saying that though, of course they will get over it. It's not going to cause lifelong trauma and I've never suggested that it will.

I'm just perplexed as to why an adult would want to upset a child on purpose. Anyone who thinks that's acceptable is just a nasty person.

Also, as @Nolegusta says, if parents are going to choose to lie about Father Christmas, they can't police others' decision not to lie, therefore they also take the risk that their kids will find out that it's a lie at some stage before parents decide to tell them.

A child being told by another child or working it out themselves is one thing. That's fine! That's generally how it happens.
Nobody is suggesting that children should never find out! That would be ridiculous.

The issue is an adult deciding it's their place to disabuse children about the concept of Father Christmas. Do what you want with your own children but someone's quest for honesty at all costs does not give them the right to purposefully upset other people's children.

Anyone who does that is either not a very nice person. Or completely lacking in emotional intelligence.

Take it up with the 16th century 🤷‍♀️

You could say that about starting the needless lie in the first place though.

Not really.

Why can't you just accept that other families choose to do things differently and respect that? It's very common in the uk for families to portray Father Christmas as real.
You can choose to do things differently and that's okay. But that doesn't mean your way is right and is the way every family should approach this situation.

I would dream of telling your kids that they must believe in Father Christmas... I'd accept you do it differently to us and would be kind and diplomatic in my responses to any questions. I don't see why you couldn't do the same?

I'm not keen on the lying about santa thing to start with, but I don't label those who choose to lie as horrible.

I'm not saying people who chose not to do the whole 'Father Christmas is real' thing are horrible.

I'm saying any adult who thinks it's appropriate to tell a child who believes, that he's not real just days before Christmas is horrible. I totally stand by that.