Sorry in advance for this being quite long. I just feel like I need to get it all out.
I have a young baby and quite quickly after giving birth it became apparent that I was suffering from post natal depression and anxiety. I eventually spoke to HV who did a questionnaire with me and referred me to a mental health service. The second service contacted me and about a month later I had a face to face assessment. The woman who did my assessment did the same questionnaire again then asked some more details. Then she explained a panel would decide what help I get.
A few days later I had a missed call from a number I didn’t know and then another call that hung up after one ring. I then got a text saying it was a HV trying to get in touch to arrange a time to come and see me. Admittedly I didn’t call back but the following week I had another call from the number. I saw my phone ring and as I went to answer it cut off, after just a second of ringing. I called back and it was a HV with a very poor line. I said I couldn’t hear her but she kept talking and eventually I just said I didn’t need a HV as the mental health services were supporting me. The phone cut out so I sent a text to the number as the line was so poor. I had no reply but later had an email saying as I’d missed an appointment and said I didn’t need a HV they were discharging me. Apparently the first time she’d called was a home visit but I wasn’t in as nobody had told me about it.
The mental health services lady then contacted me and said the panel decided to refer me for talking therapy/CBT and that their assessment shouldn’t be long because she’d send all her detailed notes across. She had also asked my HV team to support me with a mental health HV who could come to my home to talk things through with me as extra support, so I assumed that’s who had contacted me but the HV hadn’t mentioned that.
I booked an appointment with the talking therapy people, over the phone, expecting it to be an assessment with the counsellor who would be doing my talking therapy/CBT. The woman introduced herself and then did yet another questionnaire with me. She then asked me to go into more detail about a specific trauma I’d mentioned, saying she knew it was really difficult but she needed the detail. I went into detail but she pushed for more, asking me to explain every thought I was having in the moment and the physical reaction to it, basically taking me back to being in that moment.
At the end of the call she explained they would only be able to offer me a series of live webinars or a web chat service if I felt like I needed something one to one. I then clarified that she wasn’t actually going to be involved in my ongoing care and that I wouldn’t be able to talk to someone in person. She said they didn’t offer that service for anxiety and because I scored severe for anxiety but only moderate for depression they would focus on the anxiety. She said she could signpost me to counselling. I asked if they would refer me and she said that I had to approach the organisation myself and pay for the sessions. Then the call ended.
I feel like this whole thing would’ve been difficult for someone in a good headspace let alone someone not feeling great. I now feel like I’ve basically been abandoned in a worse place after being pushed to relive something that I explained was traumatic to me without any ongoing support or even a proper wrapping up at the end of the call.
I feel so vulnerable about all the very personal details I’ve shared with all three services during the assessments that are now just floating around out there. I wouldn’t have shared so much today if I didn’t think the assessment was with the person who would be carrying on with my support. I had therapy before and the assessment session was with my actual therapist so I thought this was the same.
I’m now feeling very low and despondent and wish I hadn’t tried to get help. I’m not sure what my next steps should be as I feel totally abandoned and like nobody cares.
Just to clarify, as I don’t want MN admin to remove my post, I’m not a risk to myself or anyone else.