Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Has the rules about passing on a message changed?

16 replies

Lucybeary · 11/12/2024 14:34

AIBU, I'm wondering if the rules have changed from what I've always known?

If someone asks me to pass on a message to someone else, from them (because they can't do it directly atm for whatever reason), do I expect that once I've passed the message on, that the receiver of that message will get back to the person concerned and not me?

It's happening a lot lately. A friend on holiday asked me to call somewhere to cancel, leave a message, explain they are on holiday. This place has all their details, yet they still called me back, at 7.30am when I'm trying to get ready for work, saying my friend hadn't cancelled with them and she should have been there and generally trying to argue with me about it. I ended up saying there was no reason to call me about it, I was just passing on a message and they could contact my friend directly next week as I'd stated in the message, they already had the details. The negative energy coming off that woman on the phone was seriously not my problem. And for the record my friend HAD cancelled with them, even had a name for who they spoken to etc.

I'd say this was a one off but it's happened a few times recently and even once I called an ambulance and the ambulance lady would not let me get off the phone. It was like because I called, suddenly the whole situation was MY responsibility and not their's. In this instance a woman was sat in the middle of the road after having had an argument with her partner, they were both drunk. I immediately called an ambulance because she was saying she couldn't walk, was on a bend and likely to be road kill in minutes. But once ambulance called she was saying she didn't need it (while still not being able to walk or stand and still sitting in the middle of the f'ing road on a bend, excuse my language, just getting a little fed up with people), but refused to speak to the ambulance person on the phone. So this person kept me on the phone. I said the police have arrived to deal with the situation so I'll have to go now. Ambulance woman told me to hand my phone over to the police so she could talk to them. I tried. Police too busy dealing with the woman. I told ambulance person they are not taking the phone. Someone told me to just put the phone down. So I did. The police were there, the woman was safe, they'd blocked the traffic. Ambulance woman called me back sounding very angry and saying she needed to ascertain if an ambulance is needed. I said if one is the police will now call it. That the woman is saying no. She kept on saying I needed to get her to speak to a police officer, so I collared one of them, he talked to her on my phone but seemed unable to deal with the call and handed it back to me. I said to the woman I have to go now but she kept saying she was not clear if an ambulance is needed. I said it's no longer my responsibility, the woman in the road is saying no, she's conscious, talking to the police, the police are not calling an ambulance so I need to go now. She asked me to hang on and wait to see if the ambulance is needed. I don't know, I was just passing on the message.......and had told her no one seemed to want it now. What else was I supposed to do? It was not my responsiblity anymore, surely?

Happy to receive various viewpoints but this post is really about ordinary passing on of messages, rather than the ambulance really (it just reminded me of that as well).

If you pass on a message from someone to someone. And the recipient of that message has the details of the person who the message is originally from, don't they go back to that person?

It was always that way, but seems to have changed and the messenger is the one responsible. I'm getting to the stage where I feel like saying no, I can't pass on any messages because then I become the point of contact from then on. Rant over. Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Fireworknight · 11/12/2024 14:38

I not sure about messages, but defiantly responsibilities. Example I can give is in a gp surgery. Patient is told they need a repeat blood test in six months time. They expect the gp to contact them to book it, and not for them to book it themselves when due.

Wingedharpy · 11/12/2024 14:45

In your 1st example OP, why did your friend call you to cancel something she'd already cancelled herself?
Why didn't she call the company direct instead of involving you?
In your 2nd example, it sounds like the ambulance dispatcher was just trying to establish from someone at the scene, if ambulance was still required or not?

Lucybeary · 11/12/2024 14:53

Wingedharpy · 11/12/2024 14:45

In your 1st example OP, why did your friend call you to cancel something she'd already cancelled herself?
Why didn't she call the company direct instead of involving you?
In your 2nd example, it sounds like the ambulance dispatcher was just trying to establish from someone at the scene, if ambulance was still required or not?

Friend was having a lot of problems with the phone provider in the country she was in and only able to text. She'd cancelled them but then received a text saying she had the appointment so asked if I would call them. I did but they did not answer so I left a message. Then an angry call from a secretary at 7.30am the next morning. Seriously did not think that was my problem. Friend did cancel and has the name of the person they cancelled with but I'll leave it to them to sort out. It isn't my problem. I wouldn't be asking about this, it's just this has happened with a few things lately and passing on a message has never been a problem for me in the past, but now people just seem to come back to me rather than deal with the message and get back to who it's originally from.

Yes I can see the ambulance person was trying to ascertain the situation but I was stuck at the scene for an hour. I had told her I didn't think it was needed. I told her the police were there. A police officer was so confused by her he just shook his head and handed the phone back to me and couldn't seem to tell her not to worry and they'll call back if needed. It was ridiculous.

OP posts:
ImTheOnlyUpsyOne · 11/12/2024 15:04

Totally with you OP, on both of those scenarios.

I seem to be getting this often at work. Manager gives me information and expects me to trickel it down to team member for whom I am not responsible for. We are the same level. Surely manager should communicate this...very annoying. Also challenging me when said team member ignores message as if I should have enforced it

Lucybeary · 11/12/2024 15:07

ImTheOnlyUpsyOne · 11/12/2024 15:04

Totally with you OP, on both of those scenarios.

I seem to be getting this often at work. Manager gives me information and expects me to trickel it down to team member for whom I am not responsible for. We are the same level. Surely manager should communicate this...very annoying. Also challenging me when said team member ignores message as if I should have enforced it

This is it, and I imagine the team member ignores it because it hasn't come directly from the manager.

Everyone is under so much stress atm but I am thinking they need to keep their own in their own box, lol

OP posts:
Lucybeary · 11/12/2024 15:11

Wingedharpy · 11/12/2024 14:45

In your 1st example OP, why did your friend call you to cancel something she'd already cancelled herself?
Why didn't she call the company direct instead of involving you?
In your 2nd example, it sounds like the ambulance dispatcher was just trying to establish from someone at the scene, if ambulance was still required or not?

Even if friend had not cancelled the appointment (though she did), once I'd passed on the message, secretary should not have been calling me back about it when she had friend's details. Not in my view anyway. I was just conveying the message. They just needed to send friend another appointment or discharge or whatever. I don't think she should have called me back at 7.30 in the morning or any time about it. She had the message from friend and needed to get back to friend in due course..?

OP posts:
meganorks · 11/12/2024 15:22

I don't really know why anyone would need to pass on messages in this day and age. Phone, text, email - there are plenty of ways for a person to sort their own messages out.

With the ambulance example. If someone is in such a bad way that you've called an ambulance, I can't imagine just calling and walking away! The dispatcher generally needs more information to understand how to prioritise. In your case she needed to know whether the ambulance was still needed. And also be certain the police are actually there by speaking in person.

As to whether things have changed - no, I don't think they have really. Some people will go back through the messenger, some will go back to the original person. Just depends.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 11/12/2024 15:34

The first example is irritating but I can see how it happened, if the person concerned couldn't get through to your friend.
I think the ambulance responders are expected to keep you on the line while they get certain information and may ask you wait with the injured person until they get there. But they can't make you - they can't stop you hanging up if you decide to.

ItGhoul · 11/12/2024 15:36

In the ambulance situation, there are no rules or etiquette involved - the 999 call-handler has to do everything they can to ascertain that the person you're calling about is safe. If that inconveniences the caller, then so be it - in that situation, the welfare of the sick/injured/endangered person is the priority, not the person who made the call, and the 999 call-handler can't just take your word for it when you tell them the police have turned up. The call-handler was really just doing their job.

In the first example, the restaurant called you back because, presumably, your friend wasn't reachable and they had your details in relation to the booking because you'd been the one to call to cancel. If your friend was able to make and receive calls easily, they wouldn't have needed you to phone the restaurant in the first place.

There were two completely different phone call situations that you were in. There's no pattern that suggests 'rules' have changed or anything like that. These were two unrelated one-offs.

NotVeryFunny · 11/12/2024 15:39

Fireworknight · 11/12/2024 14:38

I not sure about messages, but defiantly responsibilities. Example I can give is in a gp surgery. Patient is told they need a repeat blood test in six months time. They expect the gp to contact them to book it, and not for them to book it themselves when due.

My GP does contact me about this. I get a text with a link telling me to book. So it's not completely ridiculous. Perhaps it's what they are used to at previous practices. . .

Lucybeary · 11/12/2024 15:44

meganorks · 11/12/2024 15:22

I don't really know why anyone would need to pass on messages in this day and age. Phone, text, email - there are plenty of ways for a person to sort their own messages out.

With the ambulance example. If someone is in such a bad way that you've called an ambulance, I can't imagine just calling and walking away! The dispatcher generally needs more information to understand how to prioritise. In your case she needed to know whether the ambulance was still needed. And also be certain the police are actually there by speaking in person.

As to whether things have changed - no, I don't think they have really. Some people will go back through the messenger, some will go back to the original person. Just depends.

I didn't just call and walk away. There were plenty of people that did drive by and didn't want to get involved even though this woman would have definitely been road kill on such a dark bend. I was convenying all information continually but an hour of this, even when other emergency services on the scene, that's really my issue with that, there was nothing more I could do, and I wasn't needed, but the ambulance person was just making it my problem. I said I don't think it was needed now, the police will call if needed (which the police guy said to me) but she still wouldn't leave it. If that ever happens in future I will hang up because I've done everything I need to do.

As for friend, they couldn't text the hospital, the hospital do not answer the phone, friend had already cancelled so was worried about leaving a message as the last message wasn't communicated. They couldn't call because of the country they were in there was a problem with their provider which they got sorted later but it took days.

OP posts:
Lucybeary · 11/12/2024 15:49

ItGhoul · 11/12/2024 15:36

In the ambulance situation, there are no rules or etiquette involved - the 999 call-handler has to do everything they can to ascertain that the person you're calling about is safe. If that inconveniences the caller, then so be it - in that situation, the welfare of the sick/injured/endangered person is the priority, not the person who made the call, and the 999 call-handler can't just take your word for it when you tell them the police have turned up. The call-handler was really just doing their job.

In the first example, the restaurant called you back because, presumably, your friend wasn't reachable and they had your details in relation to the booking because you'd been the one to call to cancel. If your friend was able to make and receive calls easily, they wouldn't have needed you to phone the restaurant in the first place.

There were two completely different phone call situations that you were in. There's no pattern that suggests 'rules' have changed or anything like that. These were two unrelated one-offs.

thanks, but these were just two examples, I've had a lot of situations recently where people are coming back to me, the messenger when all they need do is contact the person directly. I see it as copping out of their own responsibilities and I've only seen it recently which is why I'm wondering if 'rules' have changed.

I expect the next question will be why am I the one always relaying messages, but you'd have to know each individual situation to see that each was reasonable for me to do so but in the past, not so distant past, the person would have got the message and then dealt with it accordingly, with the originator of the message, not the messenger.

OP posts:
SelfCareBear · 11/12/2024 15:52

We had a similar situation recently.

My adult DD had to call to book an appt at an NHS clinic following a referral, but the booking line was only open Mon-Fri 9am-1pm and she had to call within 7 days of the date on a letter that took 4 days to reach her. Her mobile had no credit so she used my landline to call - the call was met by a recorded message asking her to say her name, DOB and number and wait for a call back. So she left a voice message with her own mobile number and details.

The NHS clinic receptionist rang me back on my landline 4 days later wanting to book the appointment. I explained that she needed to call DD on the number left on the voice message (as they bloody requested!) and she was most put out and said this was the number showing on her screen! She never did ring DD and instead closed the referral down saying DD hadn't contacted them in time. Now DD is waiting for a GP appointment to start the referral all over again!!

Lucybeary · 11/12/2024 15:53

ItGoule, yes I do agree that the welfare of a sick, injured or endangered person is the priority, but after an hour, having been told the woman doesn't want the ambulance, she's conscious, she could be heard refusing, the police had spoken to the call handler and said they will call if need be, I was really at a loss. I even said to the call handler I don't know what else to say to you now. She said can I hand her back over to a police officer, I kept trying but they didn't want to know. I mean, they are all emergency services, you'd think there'd be a coordination of response somewhere along the system. The police were there. But I have been in dire situations like this and I understand and don't mind waiting, I was just surprised because in the not so distant past they did actually take your word for it and say call back if need be.

OP posts:
Lucybeary · 11/12/2024 15:55

SelfCareBear · 11/12/2024 15:52

We had a similar situation recently.

My adult DD had to call to book an appt at an NHS clinic following a referral, but the booking line was only open Mon-Fri 9am-1pm and she had to call within 7 days of the date on a letter that took 4 days to reach her. Her mobile had no credit so she used my landline to call - the call was met by a recorded message asking her to say her name, DOB and number and wait for a call back. So she left a voice message with her own mobile number and details.

The NHS clinic receptionist rang me back on my landline 4 days later wanting to book the appointment. I explained that she needed to call DD on the number left on the voice message (as they bloody requested!) and she was most put out and said this was the number showing on her screen! She never did ring DD and instead closed the referral down saying DD hadn't contacted them in time. Now DD is waiting for a GP appointment to start the referral all over again!!

Edited

Good lord, it reminds me of similar when I had relatives staying and called their surgery for them (granted they should have done it themselves), but I clearly stated they were with me just for a 2 week break and that their details were the same and unchanged. A year later I'm still being told they need to go for this or that check up. Getting sick of it.

OP posts:
Lucybeary · 11/12/2024 15:57

another example is my manager at work who wasn't able to get through to a colleague, so I said I'd keep trying the colleague on whats app. I got them and then they kept asking me questions about the project that we were all working on instead of getting back to the manager like he asked. In future I won't answer, I will just say 'please refer back to my earlier text.' Seriously, getting sick of it, lol

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page