To think I should just get on with my job?

[HollyLondoner]

I returned from mat leave a few months ago and have found it really hard. I've got a very unsupportive manger who got promoted to line manager our tean when I was on mat leave. She's made it very clear she doesn't want me on the team and was equally as pissed off when they approved for me to be part time.

On returning I was left alone with no contact from her as she works from home most of the time. I'm the only person who does my job and I have no one to ask about things. A lot changes in just over a year and my job has very much changed too.

I'm not coping. I've been having panic attacks every day and feeling extremely low and have been signed off for a month.

I wish I could just get on with my job. It's like I physically can't open my laptop and feel overwhelmed. I'm avoiding having lunch with anyone when I go to the office and just want to hide which is so not me.

I very much enjoyed my mat leave and had no PND but I am EXTREMELY sleep deprived and just feel like I can't do it.
I'm trying my best to help my child sleep but he's up in the night most nights and usually for a long period so I'm exhausted.

I don't think being a SAHM would be better as I'm so bloody tired and wouldn't get a break but we have discussed this as an option.

I need a shove! Something, anything. Do I need to just get on with it or are the panic attacks telling me this job is not sustainable?

I'm wondering whether to take a step down, apply elsewhere or take the few weeks to weigh things up but really struggling to come to turns with the situation and also feeling embarrassed to be signed off as I know work will all be making fun of me....

Is there no higher up person or HR person you can speak to? Or any colleagues you know and trust? It all sounds very unfair and I'm not surprised you don't feel like working.

In your shoes I would be looking elsewhere, though bear in mind it'll be hard to land a pt position coming in new.

@Echobelly this is my issue. I can't find anything similar to what I do that will take part time. As soon as I enquire it's always a no to part time.

I need to speak to HR but I think it'll just make things worse as I have plenty of awful things my line manager has done and said but I don't see the situation getting any better and I'm very much being pushed out.

I've already been told I won't be getting my 7k annual bonus and pay rise because apparently I haven't performed well enough even though I've only been back for less than 3 months....

I just can't hack it anymore

That sounds super stressful, is there a way to ask for support at work to get back into the swing of things?

That's discrimination! You need to take this further you can't just lay down and let them take 7k+ off you.

@DaftyLass thanks for your message. I've asked for help and asked for training on new systems etc since returning and was very much glared at and told I can do this in my own time.

I just don't think I can continue to work how I am. The last straw was my line manager re wrote all my work for a presentation I was giving. She told me just before going in and sat in the meeting while I had to attempt to present work that wasn't my own and then interrupt me the whole meeting and tell me why I was wrong.

I just don't have the energy to fight it anymore.

@Hunjii I understand this but I feel like I'm losing this battle. This is why most people don't return to my organisation after mat leave.

I just don't have the energy for it anymore and feeling very depressed.

Have you ever heard of Pregnant Then Screwed? Google them if not, they may be able to provide you with some advice and assistance. They have a HR advice line you can call.

I feel for you, this sounds awful!

Can anyone advocate for you? Have you got a fiery mum/sister/aunty/uncle/partner etc who could do this for you? I certainly would for any of my friends and relatives.

You need to look after you first and foremost, so you can be the best you can be for the little one.
In your shoes, I'd take a few weeks of stress leave , use it to get your self in the best head space and look at what work you can do from home with a little one .

@DaftyLass thank you. I think that's the best advice for now.

@uptheantrimcoast I've dealt with pregnant then screwed when I was on mat leave and they were fab so I should try them again thank you.