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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hypocrisy!

4 replies

ThisAzureFinch · 11/12/2024 13:50

Sister who I have not been on great terms with for a number of years (many, many hurtful things done without any comprehension of what she has done and no apology) messaged today asking for the return of some books. Seems fine in principle and I have no issue ofc returning people's possessions in general!

Annoying thing is that I have a strong suspicion they were given not lent (as she asked for them back before and I remember that was what I understood then but I can't remember the original circumstances now). Second, she has a number of my books (sadly I've forgotten which as they were a mixture of authors, genres etc) and she typically likes to hang on to other people's things and gloss over it whilst becoming very irate about her things.

Mainly though it is just incredibly hypocritical as she has 'borrowed' for approx 10 years all of our family photo albums after my mum died, along with various personal possessions that were in my mum's handbag the day she died. She also 'borrowed' from my dad a family heirloom piece of furniture and recently sold this without giving anyone the chance to have it if she no longer wanted it!!

So what seems like an innocuous text has infuriated me, particularly coupled with a whole world of other emotional pain caused over the years and I was only just starting to try and be on better terms again.

Argh. AIBU??

Do I (a) ignore the message entirely (b) say yeh sure I'll look (and not bother) (c) say I gave them to charity as I had them on the kindle (d) Say I'll look for them and ask if I can 'borrow' the family photo albums over Christmas to show my children (e) say I'm holding them ransom pending return of our family possessions?!

[Not totally sure which books are even hers/where they are in my loft/if I even still have them as I have not unpacked books properly since moving years ago and honestly Christmas brain implosion and general resentment of her hypocrisy will physically prevent me searching ;) )

OP posts:
Whathappensnowplease · 11/12/2024 14:11

I've got a sister who has caused me lots of grief over the years so I totally sympathise. I'm afraid I'm virtually no contact with her now because I couldn't cope with the upset every contact with her caused me.

So personally I would go for option a) because any of the others would just cause my irritation to escalate.

ThisAzureFinch · 11/12/2024 14:14

Whathappensnowplease · 11/12/2024 14:11

I've got a sister who has caused me lots of grief over the years so I totally sympathise. I'm afraid I'm virtually no contact with her now because I couldn't cope with the upset every contact with her caused me.

So personally I would go for option a) because any of the others would just cause my irritation to escalate.

Thanks very much for your response and for the advice and sorry that you have had a similar experience. Take care x

OP posts:
YippyKiYay · 16/12/2024 07:22

I'd go for D but also throw in "while we're returning things, can I have my books back too?" You don't need to list any, she ought to know. You may get some back.
And then have a look for her stuff when you get the chance. But don't hand at over until you at least get the photo albums. I don't think you even need to say why you'd like the albums tbh. Just sharing them is enough.
Good luck!

Swiftie1878 · 16/12/2024 12:06

Give her her books back, then cut links and go NC.
Enough of the drama!

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