Why is this time of year so horribly stressful!

[mrsrabbit33]

Absolutely manic at the moment. So much going on at work. A million requests and things to remember with school. Social things with friends I rarely see. I still need to get the vast majority of our Christmas food and quite a few presents. And to top it off everyone is ill so the one child free day I have to actually get stuff done may not go ahead as my toddler might not be able to go to nursery.

I feel so overwhelmed and Dh keeps helpfully reminding me that 'it's just one day' but that's easy to say when you're not the default parent who has to remember things.

How do people cope with this time of year? I'm feeling anything but festive at the moment.

Cut out the friends you rarely see.
I try to see very few people in December and move all social things to January and February ( my eldest is epileptic and I got fed up of spending Xmas day in hospital with her because of overdoing it and I haven't since I stopped)
Write all school things in every diary including your work calendar, keep one weekend day totally free and get your husband to do the food shop or a click and collect.

Because you make it so / let it be so! My Xmas period used to be stressful too as I used to put huge pressure on myself to do everything. These days I put the tree up (and that's it, no great decorative effort), make a few pastries or a cake or suchlike and enjoy the day! I have all my shopping done and most of the wrapping because I start early. I only buy for family and close friends. I don't do social events with randoms. I don't sign myself or the family up for anything extra. We play it by ear. I do supermarket shop really early morning a day or two before Xmas and the turkey is ordered and I'd send DP to rescue it.

I really am feeling the pressure this year. I definitely do put it on myself to make things special for the children. But there are lots of things I can't just cut out. Events at work, the usual weekend commitments with kids plus the added parties and jumper days and plays during the week. I have so much stuff still to get and not many free days left where I can do it! Certainly only one (or less) when I'm without my toddler. I just feel like I'm drowning in it this year.

I don’t celebrate Xmas (other religion) and feel exactly the same as you OP! It’s our busiest time of year at work, I had a bloody conference last week which killed an entire week, haven’t had a chance to wrap or drop off most presents yet - it’s just endless. I’m trying to say no to 90% of requests and even with that am drowning n

It’s as stressful as you make it. If you don’t see some people the rest of the year, why put yourself out because it’s December. Christmas food can be bought 2 days before, or with your normal shop if it’s going in the freezer. Presents bought online and delivered. Don’t do anything at work you’re not contractually obliged to do. I don’t know how old your children are, but toddlers won’t notice half of the effort you put in. And share the rest with your other half

I normally feel the same, this year I came to breaking point about a month ago. I was chatting to a friend who said that I sound so overwhelmed by life (it has been a few years of constant stress, chaos and derailing by others) let alone taking on Christmas. I realised she was right and that not everybody feels the same - I just assumed that everybody was just really under it.

I decided there and then just to cut back on everything that is an absolute pain and really not worth the aggro - nobody has noticed yet...
Managed to book a Xmas food delivery slot, ordered everything for presents online, vinted for Xmas jumpers (charity shops have loads too but they didn't have the sizes I needed) Another thing I did was to consolidate any 'jobs'. Like you I am the default parent so I spent 1 morning making a list and then the next morning cracking things out: posting cards, running bits to the charity shop so we actually have space for Xmas, a tip run etc etc. Was tiring on the day but the next day I felt so much better knowing that stuff was progressing and getting off the list.
Another possible option is could you team up with another friend/family member to tackle some of the stuff? Even if it is something like them picking up teachers presents for example and dropping them off to you even better if they can wrap them.

@Conquererofallchallenges that is really good advice and I really wish I could get a major declutter done before Christmas but I just don't know when there will be time. I am barely keeping on top of the day to day cleaning/jobs at the moment. And the fact that I know we'll be bringing more stuff into the house to add to the existing stuff we already have is stressing me out more.

I don't know what's different about this year but I just feel so much more out of control and it's actually made my anxiety a lot worse to the point where I'm having physical symptoms. I've always been busy at Christmas, that's nothing new. I just feel like I'm struggling more to cope this year.

Make two lists OP. One - things you have to do because if you don't someone you care about will have reason to be upset. Two - things you will genuinely enjoy. Be absolutely ruthless in pruning list one. Then delegate anything you can from list one to anyone capable of doing and appropriate to ask. Slowly and steadily work through what's left of list one while enjoying list two.

@mrsrabbit33 in all honesty I wouldn't worry too much about the clutter and impending stuff - that is January's problem. If you can book a charity collection for the end of January (I have mine booked for the 30th Jan) then you will have something to aim for and the knowledge that it is going to be be a short term problem that will be remedied in just a few weeks.
Make sure you are keeping your fluids up (dehydration will make everything worse) and get as much rest as you can. I too was having physical symptoms and began to think I was going to lose my mind. Try and clear your schedule as much as you can and if you cannot attend everything then it is OK. Huge hugs and solidarity, it has been a really tough year for most people I talk too so believe me you are not alone ❤️

It’s as stressful as you make it. I’ve put an enormous pressure on myself in the past and found it really overwhelming but now I just don’t have the capacity for the stress in my life. My DC really just don’t care about a lot of it which leads to me feeling a massive sense of disappointment having gone to major efforts to plan things.

We still do weekend Christmas activities but I’ve taken the pressure off myself in terms of wanting it to be perfect and amazing. I’ve come to accept that whatever I do, someone will either be sick at this time of year or just won’t appreciate it so I choose to enjoy it for myself and if DC also want to join me and enjoy it then great!

I also make sure all events are on the calendar as soon as I find out about them so I’m always prepared for them.

We've had a nightmare 10 weeks with my adult ds dying suddenly and a house move last week.
I'm not buying gifts for anyone.....I only bought for 2 people anyway. Eating out Xmas Eve, COOK food for the day ( just dh and I) and Boxinv day a cheese board.
Not seeing anyone from 20th to 2nd January. No decorations.
Lots of walks, reading and red wine.

AuntieMarys, so sorry to read about your son. Thoughts are with you..

@mrsrabbit33 Your lazy arse husband is a big part of the problem.

Write a list of things to do which you can share with him, show him and get him to pick half.

I'm trying to keep it simple. (Trying haha)
Kids don't need loads of presents - less is more especially with all the crap we already have
Fewer dishes on the table for xmas dinner. I want to actually spend time with people this year

Yes agree.its bloody stressful with ill kids etc tho! X

So sorry to hear your news auntiemarys.

Maybe hand over the food and present buying to DH?

It is difficult. I have made Christmas much simpler as the years have gone on. We have 4 children and just stay at home on the big day so don't feel like we need to get gifts for others/make the effort to go visit etc.
Online shopping is much better too, soon as it arrives I hide it under my bed and whenever I have a little time I wrap a few bits here and there. I have a day off at the end of this week and I will be finishing everything and then sitting back to enjoy with my family.
It's what you make it so don't put so much pressure on yourself to be everywhere and do everything.
Also for food we have picked up bits and bobs weekly when we do our usual shopping and last week went to grab frozen party food/cupboard bits/choc boxes.
We do party food Christmas eve - the kids are too hyper to sit and eat a whole meal
Christmas dinner on the big day - bake at home baguettes for the evening turkey sandwiches.
Curry sauces and rice for leftover turkey curry on Boxing day.
Be kind to yourself and hope you have a good one in the end xx

Oh I am so so sorry.

I am busy at work so can't control that but everything else is in my control so it is relaxed as I make it

Mr It's Just One Day would be happy with a spag bol for lunch on the 25th?

He needs to roll his sleeves up and not just come along for the ride, shop online, sod anything off that's not essential, ie meet up with randoms, and get to the supermarket tonight and get anything you can stick in the freezer (which is most things) and cross that off your list so you're not stressing about fighting over the last pack of pigs in blankets on 23rd.

Don't put any more pressure on yourself to make things magical, you're one woman not Mary bloody Poppins and kids are wound up like top by this point as it is without more "magic". They need a bit of chill in my book so they're not at fever pitch by the time Christmas Day comes round.

Perfect is the enemy of good, especially at the end of December.

No I don't feel stressed at all. My mum used to make herself ill with stress over Christmas so I chose not to. It really is just a day. A few presents, some food, time with family. That's it. Cut back on your children's socials if it's too much.
If you can, keep a couple days of annual leave for the week before Christmas. I've taken most of this week off to take the pressure off as I'm very last minute.
Anything is an improvement on last year when I was mid house move and had COVID!