Page 2 | Being made redundant - ask sons dad (my ex) to drop a day in work so we both do 4 days

twentytwentyfour2024 · 2024-12-11T07:15:28+00:00

Split from sons dad I have to manage to find a full time job and also one to work around nursery drop offs and pick ups. To ask my son's dad to drop a day in his job so that we both work 4 days and he can help out?

Codlingmoths · 11/12/2024 07:52

You could try saying I won’t have the flex with a new job so I can’t do 90% of the parenting, you need an overnight every other week and two overnights every other week, here’s a couple of proposed patterns for you to choose.

Doggymummar · 11/12/2024 08:03

You don't want him to drop a day tho do you? You want him to share pick ups and drop offs. You'll need to arrange this with your new place of work I guess, or get a childminder or breakfast and after-school club.

OnlyWhenILaugh · 11/12/2024 08:04

Everyone is right, you can but ask.
However I feel your pain. My dd has complex needs and I first reduced my hours then had to stop work altogether as she was unable to go to school completely. My ex just continued paying the same paltry sum throughout. And didn't change his pattern of contact - one evening and 1 weekend day ever other week.
It's no compensation now, I know, but the long term pay off for me is that my dd is a fabulous, independent adult, who understands the differences in the roles me and her dad played in her life. I have the most fantastic relationship with he. On the other hand he is desperate to see more of her but she has no interest. Take care and I hope you find a job that works for you and your precious ds.

Original poster

twentytwentyfour2024 · 11/12/2024 08:08

OnlyWhenILaugh · 11/12/2024 08:04

Everyone is right, you can but ask.
However I feel your pain. My dd has complex needs and I first reduced my hours then had to stop work altogether as she was unable to go to school completely. My ex just continued paying the same paltry sum throughout. And didn't change his pattern of contact - one evening and 1 weekend day ever other week.
It's no compensation now, I know, but the long term pay off for me is that my dd is a fabulous, independent adult, who understands the differences in the roles me and her dad played in her life. I have the most fantastic relationship with he. On the other hand he is desperate to see more of her but she has no interest. Take care and I hope you find a job that works for you and your precious ds.

Edited

❤️

OP posts:

Imbusytodaysorry · 11/12/2024 08:14

ApolloandDaphne · 11/12/2024 07:18

If you have split up you can't ask him to drop a day at work. You can find childcare and make sure you go through CMS to get money for your child/children to pay for this.

Haha are you for real ? So he can ask /expect her to have the child 7 days and he works 5 at the moment .
OP cant ask the man to work less and care for his kid so they both have an income .

Of course you can ask him OP and why not ?

Imbusytodaysorry · 11/12/2024 08:16

Jagoda · 11/12/2024 07:24

What’s your child contact arrangement?

If it’s 50/50 then he has to arrange and pay for childcare when he has child, although this would usually be agreed so there’s continuity of care.

If you have the child all the time or ex is just seeing them at weekends or similar, you should get child maintenance but that’s it basically.

Have you checked to see if you are eligible for UC?

He has the child 7 hours a week !!!!

Imbusytodaysorry · 11/12/2024 08:17

@twentytwentyfour2024 OP I’d ask and let him refuse and show who he is. .
Even if he can’t drop a day he should sit with you as the other parent and discuss your child and the childcare arrangements.

I think the fact he has your dc 7 hours a week days it all really .

YouZirName · 11/12/2024 08:20

Massively unreasonable of you, of course you can't expect him to do that, or as some posters are suggesting "here's a few options for you to choose from".

You have your child most of the time, as I'm sure you want, and part of that is not expecting anyone to pick up your slack.

LIZS · 11/12/2024 08:21

You can't expect him to drop a day for your convenience, his employer would not have to agree even if he asked. Find wrap around care and you are less beholden to him.

Chowtime · 11/12/2024 08:21

That's a brilliant idea!

LookItsMeAgain · 11/12/2024 09:04

You have to be having a laugh, right? You are no longer involved with this man and you want him to take a hit financially so that he can 'help out' because you were unfortunately made redundant?

You can certainly ask him but do not under any circumstances be at all surprised or offended when he says no he isn't going to give up a day of his work to help you out.

Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 11/12/2024 09:12

twentytwentyfour2024 · 11/12/2024 07:31

He seems him 2 hours on a Wednesday and 5 hours on a Sunday. No over nights

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Might be better if he has child more, regardless of his work

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 11/12/2024 09:20

LookItsMeAgain · 11/12/2024 09:04

You have to be having a laugh, right? You are no longer involved with this man and you want him to take a hit financially so that he can 'help out' because you were unfortunately made redundant?

You can certainly ask him but do not under any circumstances be at all surprised or offended when he says no he isn't going to give up a day of his work to help you out.

Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear

The laughable thing here is how little he sees a child he helped create. It's not unreasonable to want a father to be a father instead of doing bugger all for his child. You're laughing at the woman who has to do it all because her child's father is a sad excuse for a human being. She didn't phrase it the 'right' way, but wanting a father to actually be a father is something everyone should get behind not laugh at. The standards people have for fathers really are appallingly low.