Help! 3.5 months old bedtime

[Tired887]

Posting for traffic. We're doing something wrong but I don't know what. Every single bedtime is so difficult, lots of crying and whingeing. He's clearly overtired but any sleep before 9pm, he will treat as a nap I.e. if he goes to sleep at 7.30, he will wake up exactly 40 mins later and be up for 60-90 mins. It would be fine if he was a night owl, and he was happy staying up late, but he's not. We have to bounce him, talk to him, soothe him, continuously, it takes up the entire evening and he finally goes down at 9.30 and we are absolutely physically and emotionally exhausted every time. He's very heavy now and it's ruining my back too.

We make the environment chill from about 6.30. No TV etc. We have a routine of PJs and story and soothing music (he does love background noise).

He then wakes up through the night every 90 minutes to 3 hours.

This all started 2 weeks ago. He was fine before then. We could put him down, pat him on the back, sing a bit or talk a bit and he'd fall asleep.

Naps also went out the window 2 weeks ago, every nap is a struggle. We basically co-sleep for every nap but at night he absolutely won't have it. Co-sleep or crib makes no difference.

He was like this as a newborn, lots of crying weeks 6-8, but then he settled until 2 weeks ago..

He's exclusively breastfed. He also totally refuses a pacifier (he was taking it 2 weeks ago)

You sre not doing anything wrong. Your child is very young being 3.5 months old. Your child will settle, unsettle and settle the next years at bedtime. And you will learn the game.

3.5 months 'bedtime' should just be a routine. We changed into sleeping bag, dimmed lights and then sat and watched some box sets, usually with them on me because mine were velcro babies. I think you're expecting way too much at this stage.

Sounds like the start of the four month sleep regression. Developmentally very normal but hideous when you’re going through it! There’s lots of info about it online but it’s one of those things that you just have to ride out.

At that tiny age I just fed to sleep, placed in the Moses basket next to me in the living room at 6:30ish then watched tv or whatever with her right beside me then headed upstairs whenever I was tired.

Far too young for anything structured or placing down and having a whole evening without the baby there, that comes later.

You’re doing nothing wrong - he’s just being a baby. It’s so so hard but you just have to get through it somehow. I used to do that “nap” sleep in my arms in the living room, and then around 9-10 when he was in a deeper sleep, go upstairs. Mine also woke every hour or so until 8 months ish. It’s so grim! But it won’t last forever!

You’re expecting far too much at that age. Both of mine had only just shaken off colic by 3 months. We were rocking and soothing all evening. DS 1 had also started teething then.

It's normal. The first baby is a practice run. Go with their flow. You don't need to put him to bed early evening or pat him back to sleep. If he's awake let him be awake and take the stress out of it.

We didn’t do a proper 7:30 bedtime until about 5- 6 months. Before that he would have an evening nap and go to bed when I did at 11. The nap was downstairs with us.

from about 5 months we started to bring it forward and within a few months got to having a proper bedtime at 7:30 and moving the evening nap to the bed so the two started to combine

The problem is he's really upset all evening. I'm not trying to force a bedtime, it would be fine if he would just feed, and sit with us etc. But at around 7 he starts getting upset and by 8 he's proper crying and needs bouncing around for ages. His eyes are red and he's mega tired.

@RosesAndHellebores but he's screaming the house down!

It's really, really normal for this age op, it's called the witching hour. Just try to survive and it will pass. There is no 'solution' as such unfortunately. I remember it well with both of mine.

Sounds normal to me. We used to watch the TV with subtitles on. Both mine were happy enough to go off to bed at around 7pm from 6 months.

Our DS was the same. I think it’s normal. The witching hour, or hours it should be called. Personally for us we noticed our son was happier when WASNT rocking, bouncing, singing etc. we left like he cried more and more until passing out. We found he was happier in his Moses basket, and us every minuite or two just patting him or shhing him.

We had a phase of this. It was that awkward gap between newborn nap all evening downstairs and needing an earlier bedtime/getting overstimulated if downstairs.

Unfortunately the only way to handle it was for me to go to bed with him and resettle through the evening (I did a lot of reading under the duvet!).

The good news was that after a short while, he got used to this, and I would then sneak out of the bedroom to watch a bit of TV in the next room with my husband with occasional resettles.

It could be around the time of a pretty common sleep regression, we had it around 4 months and moved to co sleeping to cope.
Could your baby be teething? My friends baby had teeth by 4 months.
Any potential gut issues that might be flaring up?
The evening is a weirdly tricky time, so you're not alone there.
Things feel awful when they're this young because there's often no discernible reason and it feels like it will go on forever, but this stage will pass.
I would try some wind techniques if he's showing any signs of discomfort, maybe some calpol if it could potentially be teething? Though usually a breastfeed helps with that anyway. Actually I'm surprised that breastfeeding doesn't soothe/put him to sleep? Maybe its related to digestion or something?
Or it could be nothing at all, growing pains, developmental stage.
Really hard to tell.

Totally normal but I would advise to persevere with the naps

We had the same OP - solidarity! Unfortunately I think it's just a phase some babies go through. Ours lasted until we did sleep training at 5 months (gradual retreat method). Some babies are just more difficult than others! You're not doing anything wrong - just keep trying different things and either you'll hit on something or this phase will pass. Best of luck!

It all sounds quite normal really. My LO used to have a terrible “witching hour” from about 6pm - 9pm and we had to walk around with him bouncing and singing for hours. He knew when who ever had hold of him would sit down. Your baby will probably be coming into their 4 month sleep regression soon which won’t help.
I wish I had better advice other then, get as much help in as you can. Sleep whenever you can, even for 15 mins and just get through the days. Try to eat a healthy diet to keep you physically fuelled for the day to try and counteract the lack of sleep.

Super normal. We also did cuddles on the sofa or in the carrycot next to the sofa until 9pm-ish - some evenings he'd nap, some he'd be inconsolable. One of us would sometimes take him out for a walk in the pram, which used to help a bit - at least the sound of crying is diluted a bit. And you'd often see other parents of babies doing the same thing!

Have you tried the car for naps?

He has no notion of the planned routine. Hasn't signed up for it.
Your frustration bout that is the bigger issue. At three n half months you expecting alot.what bout growth spurts if bf? It is defo a good idea to introduce vague schedule,even go through motions of nighttime bedtime.
Wee tiny babe doing awful lot behind scenes developing.tfy look at..the wonder weeks... Try not fret over what's not fit in to your remit n gently adapt as grow.be easier all round.