To miss a man I know I didn't want and wasn't happy with

[twentytwentyfour2024]

(Was together for 3 years and share a child, I used to love him but don't now)

So, Why it that?

When I was with him I hated being with him. I wasn't happy. He was very mean, He accused me of nonsense all of the time treated me like rubbish etc. but now he tells me he's done with me I feel a bit of a dip in myself? When I deeply think about it I think yes well fine it's not like i was happy with him anyway but then I think hmm I don't actually know if I feel 100% completely ok with that although if you asked me do I want him back I'd say no. But the thought of him with someone else turns my stomach. Hmm odd feelings. Very odd. Ofcourse I won't telll him this because it wouldn't be fair. I don't want him so he's free to do whatever he likes.

It's completely normal to miss someone you have shared intimacy with and been in love with! I miss two of my exes and think about them sometimes, and I've been happily married for 15 years and separated from one ex for 20 years or more.

Presumably at some point you loved this person. So it's normal you will.always have feelings about them. Doesn't mean they are or will ever be a good partner to you or right for you. Acknowledge the feelings. Allow yourself to miss him. But don't go back to an abusive ex, EVER. The relationship is over.

Thank you, glad to hear this. It was abusive wrong and horrible. I am better off out it's just hard to accept he is moving on. Very weird x

OP

It is very normal to go through a period of missing more the idea of an idealized version of someone, than the reality of how they actually were and it will pass

Thank you, it's honestly the thought of him moving on with someone else physically and emotionally is weird for me. And hard. But I don't understand why..

Would you consider going to therapy to explore this?

If I could afford therapy and if it wasn't a waiting list of 12+ months with NHS I would 😫

I still feel weird if I think about my ex moving on with a new partner!! (And as I said before, I've been married 15 years now!)! I don't know why. I guess when we were together we were so intimate and close and it's hard to imagine someone else loving him like I did.

Just don't think about it. Distract yourself and focus on your own future, interests and goals. 💐

Sounds like you're attracted to him but understand that he is a bad person. The groin and brain are pulling in different directions, so you're confused.

Yes this sounds exactly right to be honest. Thank you that's made me understand things a little better x

I wish I could say I'd never made mistakes of this type!

Think about how you can move forward ... not with your whole life... that's a big ask. Pick a bit you can change and focus on that. Whether it's just painting your nails today, and planning a haircut. Or going to the library and having fun with your child.
Know you can be happy without him and that you have a better life than with him.

Thanks for your kind words. It means a lot. I will take on board this advice. I am working today and have another job later this evening so keeping busy