Husbands best friend couple

[Lollyp2]

Hi,
Please advice about how to deal with OH friends.
My OH has a couple whom I would classify as his best of friends to an extent that sometimes my OH body language towards the guys wife is alittle too physically touchy.Her man doesn't see this.I have spoken to my OH about being touchy with her which he promised to address.

We even formed a group to communicate in as we tend to hang out alot.

Strange things is we don't communicate in the whatsapp group.
My OH and the guys' wife communicate privately on WhatsApp & Facebook.

My OH currently lies to me when she messages him claiming that its her husband who is messaging him.

Should I be worried that my OH is lying about privately communicating with the very person who I spoke to him about not touching?

Yes definitely you should mention it to her in front of her dh because this might bite you on the arse if you only speak to your oh. People have been known to cheat on there best friends for years because you are likely to think if you can trust anyone it's your friends. He's spending time with her probably not interested in her dh. Stop it before it's too late. Good luck.

YES

I used to know a guy that tried it on with everyone, including his brothers partner and other people in relationships. Nobody seemed to be off limits for this man, even whilst in his own relationship. He was clearly a very insecure man who got a kick out of flirting with or getting with any woman and having this secret double life. I'd really question his behavior because some people do awful stuff like this.

Girl, I'd be checking those messages as my affair spidey senses would be a tingling, sorry x

That would definitely be making me really uncomfortable.

honestly? This is a shit show! I’ve been through and seen this crap too many times - bring it right up in broad daylight when they’re all there - don’t take this bs OP because that’s exactly what it is - bullshit. It’s just going to go down a Road that’s going to led to tears and they’ll be yours. Pull them both up when the four of you are together, the best way to stop people hiding in the shadows is to put the big light on. Do it now or it’ll get worse and messy and painful. The pair of them are shit.

This. I hope this is wrong but I feel the same from what you have posted. It's well off

He clearly wants to shag her. Whether they are carrying on this because they enjoy the thrill of the sexual tension and attention while knowing nothing will come of it so think it's safe, or whether they'd actually take it further is unknown. But once he crosses the line into lying about it, that's enough in my book to be a serious issue in itself, i.e. trust broken through the lie, even if nothing else is happening. The lying should be addressed if nothing else.

same!

I wouldn’t tolerate this. I think you need to have a good think about whether you really want to be in this relationship as it sounds a bit shit.

My OH currently lies to me when she messages him claiming that its her husband who is messaging him.
Should I be worried that my OH is lying about privately communicating with the very person who I spoke to him about not touching?

Um, yes.

He’s lying to you. He’s having private chats and touchy feels with her. You should be worried.

Absolutely this! OP, does he know that you know about their private messaging?

So I see you still haven't ltb yet then.

They don't message each other all the time.
I noticed there was not much talk on the WhatsApp group so decided to look into my OH's phone and saw private conversations between her and him.

To be honest they are not weired convos.The most recent convo was her asking my OH to get a some piece of furniture for her sister as my OH deals with furniture.He didn't tell me about this.
Coincidentally her OH also asked my OH to get him something.
He told me about that.

On the day they visited us to pick their stuff up, my OH lied and mentioned it was her husband who messaged him that they were coming over.So I checked my OH's phone & realised the OW was the one communicating alot with my OH.

When they visited to pick up their stuff, they only stayed a short while and the OW made a plan that we meet midweek at the club.

Tonight she messaged my OH asking whether we were meeting at the club.
She also said to my OH , that her OH was asking her to post in our group about the meet up.
My OH replied & and told her not to bother posting.
So then my OH lied to me that her OH had messaged him to remind us to meet in the pub.
She was the one messaging.
Which she does most of the time.

You would think my OH is best of friends with her or they met earlier in life yet he has been friends longer with her OH.
They grew up together and work together and this is why I think the guy doesn't imagine that his best friend would be after his OH.

Is my OH lying to me to avoid conflict?
If he was being honest, I feel he would straight away share when OW messaged him.Which he now hides.

I think my biggest concern is how do I cope with the fact that my OH still continues to host & love this couple ?

I get panic attacks when they are around and wonder what my OH will do next as they all don't seem to have boundaries.

The fact that my OH is now lying & supports OW in not posting our group plans in the group leaves alot to be desired.

I really do not understand these dynamics.
That my OH also continues to see them means he cherishes their friendship alot and probably doesn't have any feelings for OW.This is me trying to be very optimistic.

How long have you been a couple? The other man won't notice ur oh is his besty this is why it's easier for them to get away with it. Let's face it he can't be honest about whose messaging him. You say her oh wants you all to use the group so why not start it off xx hi just confirming your message to oh about the next meet up. Yes that's great for us 2. We can't wait when messaging always highlite the we and us. She's obviously not bothered about your feelings otherwise it wud be her messaging u and him to him.

Don' t kid yourself he's deliberately keeping you out the loop there are feelings there as he's not too bothered about lying to your face to protect there thing. Not sure what to call it as it could be affair physical or emotional either way he's putting her first.

@StopPissingMeOff No I haven't.
We had a discussion about all this and made plans on how to deal with it.
Obviously I don't expect him to keep his dear friends at arms length.
He really prioritises them.

@Pessismistic
I left the group and you are right that since all of them are besties & I am the outsider, the OW's half would not imagine my OH having any feelings for her.
That's why I can't even approach him to make him see it.

Next time you are sitting catching up as a group just bring the messaging up.
In front of her husband say that you feel left out of the loop when she messages privately and not in the group chat.
That you feel uncomfortable that she knowingly leaves you out. Ask whether she could please use the group and that you've requested the same from DH but he is very reticent to do so.
It is not sustainable to keep them as friends if you feel uneasy and untrusted.
You've got nothing to lose...just talk about it out in the open.

What do you mean by "a little too physically touchy"?

I can't tell from your posts whether it's him fancying the other woman or you being paranoid.

It's not just this issue though is it. You've had several boundary issues regarding women with him previously iirc.

@StopPissingMeOff yes I have posted about him & women.
Last time we spoke he pulled the "I love everybody line" & defended himself saying he wasn't sleeping with anyone of them.
Seems like this is where he draws the line.

@Headingtowardsdivorce too physically touchy is my OH giving strange hugs to this OW.A way he doesn't do it with other female friends.Also, last time we visited the couple, my OH sat next to her, she was leaning into his shoulder & he was stroking her hair right before me apparently consoling her about her not oo unwell mum.
I am certainly trying not to be paranoid but I can see that my OH is mesmerised by this OW that he doesn't realise how he behaves when she is around.
When I ask him, he says he can't remember so either he is lying or pretending to be oblivious or just so mesmerised by her that he cannot control his acts.
I have not figured out which one but my gut tells me the latter.

@user1492757084 I have left the group & do not intend to meet up with them henceforth.
They meet the 3 of the when they want to coz I cannot bear it.

You're not being unreasonable enough IMO! You need a serious chat as it sounds like he's running a 2 horse race right in front of your eyes and gaslighting you! Stand up for yourself and LTB

Ok, I'd trust your gut on this one then!

@Lollyp2 he's taking the piss out of you and you're letting him get away with it. He's loving life right now!