To move house in these circumstances?

[booomshackalack]

DS age 13 has been having multiple issues with bullying since starting high school, one issue gets dealt with then a few months later someone else starts to pick on him. He has ADHD (now medicated) and the other kids make fun of him. He has no friends there. After a serious assault last year he developed anxiety issues (is on CAMHS waiting list) . DS has a couple of friends at a school which is about a mile away from our home but we're out of catchment for it and the two placing requests I've made so far have been refused.

I had a call from school yesterday to say they had serious concerns about DS, he was telling his pupil support teacher that he's very unhappy there and wanted to end his life. I took him to the GP who agreed to contact CAMHS to try and put a rush on things - he's been on the list a year now.

About a year ago we moved house within catchment for more space but it was a mistake - house had multiple hidden issues and I've never felt settled. I made it clear to DH long ago that I'd happily walk away from this place and never look back if I could.

Following DS crisis we have been debating just moving house to the other catchment. However we have a younger DD who isn't due to start high school until 2026 and we aren't thrilled at the thought of uprooting her from her friends as there's zero chance of her getting into our current catchment high school if we move.

Sorry it's so long! WWYD if you were us?

Could you rent something in the new catchment until DS is accepted into the school?

Do you mean as in keep our current house and rent something else minimum term? Will they not find that suspicious? We live in a very sought after area for schooling and can imagine other people have done it but not sure how it panned out for them tbh

I am so sorry to hear that your DS is so low. I have been in your shoes. I am sure you are trying everything you can but two things that helped for us were private counselling and a reduced timetable at school. I also found the book Never Let Go really useful.

Thanks, how is your DC doing now?

You could ask the current school to ask for a managed move. Technically schools are not supposed to approach a specific school for a mmanaged move but they do all the time.
Another option is to apply for an EHCP you can make a parental request if school will not then you will have a greater choice of schools and catchment areas do not matter. Good look, I have been where you are with more than one of my children and it is not a nice place to be.

In the short term you could ask school for a reduced timetable so that your child has some recovery time.

This may be an option but the reason we were refused a move both times is because they had no spare places, only protected ones for kids moving into catchment

Are you in Scotland? Many people will assume you are in England and will give advise on that basis. Is there any reason why your dd won't get on at the other school?

The school can and will go over numbers. As managed moves are meant to be a short term option (although they can go on indefinitely) schools will often agree to.the placement.

If an EHCP is in place they have to.accept the child unless they have extreme good reason for not. Some EHCP children go to placements in different cities so catchment mean nothing.

Yes I'm in Scotland. I've just looked up EHCPs and I see they're not a thing here

He is doing so much better, thanks. Looking back, the crisis really helped me to understand that something was very wrong and we needed to start doing things differently.

Is there an equivalent?

In Edinburgh (which you might not be) I think if I were you I’d move into the catchment for the school you want so long as it’s a decent school overall. You will burn bridges for your DD for secondary and commit her to the new school too but (again if Edinburgh) some of her friends will go private anyway and their friendship groups will evolve. She can stay at her current primary till transition.

Not that I'm aware of. He had a plan of some kind in primary but it never carried over to secondary. By that point we got a private ADHD dx and meds. On paper he looks like he's doing well but it's far from it

West of Scotland and I'd say the vast majority go on to the local secondary as it's one of the best state schools in the country (apparently)

Apparently this the Scottish equivalent of an ehcp https://enquire.org.uk/parents/getting-support/co-ordinated-support-plans/ (Google search)

Yes, I've never done it but that was the idea. Rent somewhere cheap in the new catchment for a year or so until your DS is in the school but keep your current house. I don't see what school have to be suspicious about. People are allowed more than one house.

yes i would move asap

you can rent and do it that way, long as you actually live in the rented house as they do check - its very common to do this!!

In England the EHCP is key to getting a lot of the support. It does sound as if your ds could do with one, what do school say they’re doing about his situation and their own procedures as it sounds they have been badly letting him down?

wishing him, and you, well. Good luck.

Thanks. He's doing well academically, doesn't cause trouble etc, every so often the signs crop up that he's being picked on again (feigning illness, taking about wanting to move schools). I find out what's going on, talk to school about it, it gets sorted and it all seems OK until the cycle starts again.

Between times I ask how he's getting on at school and I check in with pupil support to see he's still doing OK in class.

Would it be possible to move with a 6month lease to get him into the school, then potentially look at moving back to the current area before you apply for your daughter's secondary school place?