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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel miffed with my friend

38 replies

susiemj · 30/04/2008 15:14

who I've spoken to only twice in the four months since my baby was born. She has been working really hard, but I have found the time to call her.

She does great things, like coming 500 miles to see me if she has a couple of days off (which she did in my late pregnancy)but then I don't hear from her for months.

When I did speak to her I just got pissed off with having to summarise the last 16 weeks of my DD's life.

And yes, I know I'm being unreasonable, just wanted to mope....

OP posts:

Original poster

susiemj · 30/04/2008 19:53

I haven't said anything to suggest I have talked a lot about the baby to her. The opposite in fact. And I haven't.

OP posts:

milkmoustache · 30/04/2008 20:00

But you said yourself she has been working really hard - maybe she just doesn't have the time for any of her friends, with new babies or not, and maybe she feels really bad about it. Cut her a bit of slack and I bet that once you are focusing on your new mummy friends she will pop up again keen to see you.

Original poster

susiemj · 30/04/2008 20:31

Milk - I think you're right. It's just it gets a bit wearing waiting weeks for a phone message to be replied to. I think it's rude. I get to the point where I think, ok she's either too busy or she doesn't want to be friends (which I know in my heart of hearts is not true) and then she phones. If someone phones me, I try and send at least a quick email, even if it is to say 'Hi, I'm too busy. I'll phone later.'

OP posts:

EmmaPr · 30/04/2008 21:28

susie, I know what you mean. I had a friend who was the same when I had my first baby. We didn't speak for a long time and i thought we'd almost lost each other but 2 years on we seem to have rekindled our relationship and I'm glad to have someone to talk about non-baby stuff too. I used to make such a concerted effort not to talk 'baby stuff' to her and then get pissed off that she hadn't made the same effort to listen to my baby stuff when I had to listen to all her man problems! It is rude not to return messages for months. Maybe give yourself a break from worrying about your friendship with her. Don't call for a while and then she may call to find out how you are. Do you have plenty of other friends to chat to?

EmmaPr · 30/04/2008 21:29

Have just noticed the time - is everyone else watching the apprentice? Am recording it for later.............will there be anymore messages on this thread?

Original poster

susiemj · 30/04/2008 21:33

Yes, I've got others to talk to. I don't know why it winds me up so much. Perhaps just because we talk so easily and I miss it. And I want to know how the bloody screening of her film went!

OP posts:

EmmaPr · 30/04/2008 21:55

You are not being unreasonable - a good friend who you used to speak to loads has only spoken to you twice in 4 months. 4 months since the most important thing that's ever happened to you has happened! Is natural that you'd want to share all that with her and a shame that she just doesn't seem that interested. You can understand her reasons but she doesn't understand yours.

frecklyspeckly · 30/04/2008 22:17

I dont know if the op or anyone else would agree but - I find that since I have had dc's whenever I speak to my dear bf who has no children she does sound like all she talks about is herself and her feelings. In great depth. For an hour at a time. And although I am interested it makes me realise I have no time or inclination really to think and think and analyse myself or my feelings. And I feel guilty because she has every right to be so self obsessed but it seems so self indulgent and does highlight how our lives have pulled apart - although our friendship at the same time hasn't.Probably because just listen.

frecklyspeckly · 30/04/2008 22:19

sorry -I meant probably because I just listen.

EmmaPr · 30/04/2008 22:36

My friend with no children talks about herself and her man problems for hours. She occasionally asks about me and my children to be polite but glazes over when I actually answer her!! It did use to really piss me off but I now appreciate having a friend who doesn't have kids who I can have a non-baby chat with. It sounds really smug-married but she will only ever really understand when she has kids of her own.

Flum · 30/04/2008 22:40

Yeah but friendships ebb and flow as lifestyles changed. I remember being quite irritated when my best mate had a child as she became very dull and wittered on about baby stuff all the time. I did put a bit of distance between us. When I had kids too our lives fused back together a bit. We have radically different parenting styles though which has made it a bit tryicky

EmmaPr · 30/04/2008 22:42

Do elaborate Flum. Radically different?

NurkMagiggy · 01/05/2008 07:26

I didn't find my friends talked about themselves all the time, but it was the amount of time I was expected to have to natter which sometime meant I neglected the baby...one day my one year old fell in a bucket in the garden while I was desperately trying to get off the phone in the kitchen
another time a conversation was interrupted, and the friend said, frustrated, 'Blasted baby!!'
We laugh about it now

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