Asking for an alternative gift

[H930]

My in laws have just sent a message asking what is my favourite perfume. I know this is for a Christmas gift and whatever I reply they will buy it for me - they are very generous, especially at Christmas.

The problem is that I just don’t wear perfume any more, and haven’t for a couple of years. I have expensive perfumes sitting in a cupboard unused and I hate the thought of them wasting money just buying me perfume I won’t use.

AIBU/would I be rude to reply thanking them and saying that I actually don’t use perfume any more, and that I would love a voucher to choose some lovely skincare or something instead? They are almost certainly in John Lewis or somewhere where they could easily get a voucher. For context I have been with DH for 22 years and we have a very close and open relationship with his parents. The last thing I want is to seem ungrateful and rude, but equally I don’t want them to waste all that money!

It's not rude that's absolutely fine.

I was asked for my clothes size the other day for a gift
I gave my size but also stated I have more than enough clothes and cant actually fit any more in my wardrobe
they got the polite hint and im almost certain they haven't bought me clothes

Not rude at all. They probably want to hand you a physical gift though, so I'd ask for some specific skincare and I'm sure they'll be delighted to buy it for you.

It's fine! I would much rather someone tell me they didn't want something than waste money on something that won't be used.
And sell the other perfumes on Vinted 😉

Say "I don't have a favourite. I don't wear perfume these days" and see what the follow up is.

What about a nice diffuser from Jo Malone? Easy alternative for them to perfume.

Not rude. My MIL loves to ask what we want also very generous. Just let them know. No harm. I want to give gifts people want and or like so I would appreciate the honesty.

Agree with everyone else, it's not rude. Just say you unfortunately can't wear perfume anymore & sadly you have some you lived but can no longer wear!

I think it would be better to send them a few suggestions of things you would like, so they can give you a wrapped gift. I hate giving vouchers, if I'm going to give them a non wrappable gift, I'll give money instead. They can spend that anywhere they choose and they know how much a voucher cost so I don't see the benefit if vouchers

I'd just say I don't wear perfume any more but thank you for offering, and leave the choice with them. But that's just me, I wouldn't want to stipulate something I wanted unless I was asked what I wanted.

I bet that's a relief!!

But that's not spectacularly helpful. They want to buy her a gift & are probably hoping to get hers sorted today. She can word it politely.

Not even slightly rude

Dear Marge and Tom, I don't have a favourite fragrance as I don't wear perfume anymore!

Thank you all! I replied saying thank you but I don’t wear perfume any more, and were they asking as a Christmas present idea. I got the reply “yes, but it’s always good to have” 🤦‍♀️ 😂 I’ve just responded saying thank you again and telling them the one I used to wear (still have half a bottle in my wardrobe but there we go…) I feel awful but it’ll just be wasted so perhaps I will have to sell it on Vinted as PP suggested!

Yes, exactly. It doesn't sound like an awkward relationship and they'll probably be delighted to buy her something she actually wants.

You could say I am.running low on X skincare product that I use daily.

Why isn't it helpful to say I don't wear perfume? Helpful that they now know not to buy perfume. If they then want to say is there anything else you would like...then they've helped themselves by asking for OPs ideas. Just my opinion, I'd never kind of ask for things without being asked for my opinion.

🙄🙄🙄it's not helpful not to make a few other suggestions, they can range for £5 up.

im sure she has the manners to do it politely. Making suggestions is helpful.

I didn't say telling them you don't use perfume anymore is unhelpful.

Exactly!!

Not rude at all, and as you're suggesting an alternative it should be no problem for them

For goodness sake, just say "thanks, I appreciate the gesture but I don't wear perfume as much anymore and I still have quite a range to use up. I would, however, adore some more x moisturiser (or whatever) from Clarins or anything from their x range as I love their skincare"