This isn’t about the tree, is it?

[Grincheltits]

NC just in case:- Besides, I think this seasonal name kinda fits right now.
I haven’t had a Christmas Tree for the last four years because I have been very ill. I have been very slowly pottering around decorating my tree today. It’s not quite finished. It has lights, a few butterflies, some silver baubles and a disco ball instead of a star. My trees are known for being simple but very pretty. This description sounds OTT, but it’s not. I don’t like frou-frou things. DH is in a snit (there’s a lot of serious stuff on his mind atm…) and just said, “Why do you always have to put stupid shit on the tree? Can’t we have a normal one?”
I have just suggested that he get a curry and a bottle of wine and think about the last Christmas tree I put up. I’m trying not to be cross about this.

Sounds like stress that he’s taking out on you. Doesn’t sounds very fair to just let him throw petty profanities at you and insult your tree-decorating.

I’d be wanting to have a conversation about why he said that. Then I’d want an apology and decent Christmas present.

the prick.

Tell him to get off his arse and do it. Wanker.
He should be pleased you feel well enough to do it.

Sounds like a lovely and normal tree to me.
He sounds like an arse.
Enjoy your tree 🎄

What's he usually like?

Most of us can be a bit grumpy and less than our usual perfect selves when we have serious shit on our minds. If he's normally a loving, caring partner then I'd write it off.

If this is typical, then he's a dick.

Why didn't he step up and do a tree when you couldn't? Unless you wouldn't have wanted it.

Why hasn't he been doing the tree his way for the last four years?

Sounds very like my husband. Here we are on 10th December and I'm quietly waiting to see if he will do anything to make Christmas happen. There's no tree, no treats in cupboard, no presents bought. He doesn't seem to have registered yet. Every year I do it all. Luckily teenage son doesn't want a big list so comfortable waiting to last minute and I will sort him out so he doesn't miss out but I'm tired of doing all the work for an ungrateful husband.. paying all the bills and getting no appreciation for it.

He came home with the wine and the curry and an apology and went down the shed and collected the rest of the decorations unsolicited. He told me that he received a rejection email about a job he is totally qualified for and expressed his concern that he had “aged out.” He also acknowledged that he had been an utter dick and was feeling terrible about it. I have told him that his penance will be to pass me decorations and put up the high ones without bitching.

Sounds like you've both had an enormous amount on your plates.

Well at least he admitted he was an utter dick.
I'd also like to know why he didn't make the effort to put up the tree at some point in the last four years when you were ill. Might have been nice for you to see a pretty tree.
Also, he's welcome to put the tree up himself if he doesn't like the stuff you put on it.

Lovely update. Hope you both have a happy Christmas and an easier time of it in the new year.

The tree was always my thing. I had a crappy, wonky tree with a missing piece that I had owned since I was a student. It looked mangier and mangier by the year. While he had never been into decorating it, he loved how excited the kids were when they were little and the traditions with our family. (We were expats so it was just us for so many years.) When I started to pick up a bit this year, he pulled a beautiful 8ft, prelit tree out of our daughter’s room with a giant pink bow on it for my birthday in July. He had bought it last Christmas hoping I was well enough but didn’t want to risk making me sad. He is genuinely happy that I’m excited to be decorating the tree again. (I am totally going to break out the Mariah Carey for extra pain tomorrow though.)