Handhold/advice mum in hospital

[Hunjii]

Call out of the blue this evening from my dad to say my mum has been in hospital since yesterday (she didn't want him to tell me) had acute stomach pain and sickness and had been told she has severe pneumonia assuming from a cold she had a few weeks ago that lingered a bit. Turns out the infection has spread, the word sepsis was mentioned and it has caused her to have a heart attack at some point over the course of the last few days.
Her heart function was/is down to 20% she is now ventilated on IV antibiotics to try and help fight the infection and because her oxygen was down to 80 at one point and a mask was not helping. She's in intensive care and her Sats have improved but they're not sure of the damage to her heart. She is 70 and is mine and my kids and my dad's world. I don't understand the full medical situation really but we've been prepared for the worst. I saw them on Saturday and all was fine, spent a few hours with them and mum was fine- loving having the kids around. I gave her (and they did) lots of hugs and kisses luckily on Saturday so she knows how loved she is. But I feel so in limbo and scared of what might come. Thanks for reading.

I’m sorry this is happening. She sounds very poorly but they see her as fit enough to be given a space in ICU so they think she has a chance of pulling through. My Mum was in CCU (icu for heart issues) and we were told to she was expected to not last the week. She lived for over 10 years. You can only take it a day a time at the moment.

Oh bless you. It's so hard when our parents are really ill because they have been a constant in our life.
Your Mum sounds lovely she knows how much you and your family all love her. All you can do right now is be with her hold her hand and let her know how very much she is loved.
I hope she pulls through, love is a powerful emotion. I wish you and your Mum all the best x

I can't offer any advice, only understanding, having faced terrifying uncertain hospital stays due to acute illness with my own mum. Doesn't matter if you are a 40-something mum of three used to handling everyone's life admin and a job you will still feel like a scared kid when it's your mum in this situation.

Good thoughts and handhold. xx

I'm so sorry, how frightening for you. It's horrible not knowing what will happen. Has the ventilation happened today? If she was only admitted yesterday then it will take a little while for the antibiotics to start to turn the situation round but as others have said she's been given an ICU bed despite being an older person which in itself is a sign they believe there's a good chance of recovery.

Are you planning to visit or wait for information?

X

You poor love, how frightening for you 😔 your mum is in the best place and it sounds like they are doing everything possible to help her pull through. Look after yourself and lean on family/friends for support. Are you able to get to the hospital to be with her?

Hi I did visit with my dad but not for long as it was so late. I hope to visit again today, I feared for a phone call all night but it hasn't come so far so I assume she is still stable. Not sure what to do about work today, I will probably log on (work from home) and let my boss know what's happening and go from there. If anyone tries to call me I think I'll just cry so I'm not sure whether to just ask for the next few days off (I'd take annual leave) or just try and work anyway.

Aw I'm so sorry to read this, take it an hour at a time if a day seems too much. Be with her as much as you can, they definitely seem aware we are there in my experience, even when sedated and can hear your voice as a comfort to them. Hopefully things will become clearer today and you will get answers. Have you got support with the kids?

Unless it’s helpful for you then don’t go to work. Ring in sick with stress.

If you can try to have some healthly food (soup is good), get some day light and drink some water. Make sure things are in place for your children for Christmas, gifts bought and wrapped.

If you do the school run take some sun glasses and avoid talking to people unless you want to.

Yes take it an hour at a time. FWIW if someone who worked for me was in this position I wouldn’t expect them to be in work. There will be discretionary days for family emergencies. See what your boss says. Very sorry about your mum.

Lots of hugs. It is so tough. We were told my dad was dying, just a matter of time due to heart, kidney problem and acute pneumonia. He recovered afyer being rushed into ICU, and lived for another 3 years. He also got covid twice during dialysis. We kept getting the dreaded phone calls.

It is very hard when our parents are old and sick, your story sounds too familiar. I was like a robot working but not mentally there and plenty of crying waiting for phone call about my dad who was on the other side of the world. What helped me a bit was thinking one hour at a time and prayers. Sending you strength.

Handhold OP.
I also currently have a patent in hospital, readmitted yesterday after being discharged from ICU less than 2 weeks ago. Look after yourself as best you can and I hope your mum improves today

Handhold here. We went through same this year. Very odd being in limbo, especially if they've been generally well otherwise.
If you can, take time off and be with your mum.
💐

I wouldn't take annual leave off at the moment, OP, because when she comes out you might be needed to help out there. She's in the right place and being cared after. I really hope everything goes well.

No one can offer you an outcome but there is hope. I've survived similar twice in your mum's position.
I had a perforated intestine, once following major surgery and once out of nowhere. Both times I required an eight hour operation on top of pneumonia , kidney failure, heart issues, sepsis and SATs worse than you describe.
I was oblivious and had no conscious passing of time, when in an coma on life support. I think that part was more difficult for my family than myself. I do have a life limiting condition but these events were a shock to everyone.
DH did not let DC see me in ICU but did when I stepped down to HDU. It was the correct decision. The second time DC1 was twenty years old and says as much as he chose to come in he wished he hadn't and it affects him years later.
Visiting was open. The ones I've been in were similar (I've been in ICU more times) and they aren't what most would expect. There is no privacy and were four patients all ventilated in one room. They're loud and bright with lots of staff, with a nurse sat at each bed scribbling constantly.
No one wants to be there, but if there was no hope you don't get the bed. Both DP died in hospital but never went near these wards. I hope your DM is on the mend very soon.

Thank you all, my boss insisted I take today as paid sick leave and wouldn't hear of me using my annual leave. I'm going to see my mum this afternoon and see how I go in terms of work tomorrow.

What does this mean? They have relapsed in some way?

Glad to hear this. Take as much time as you need. Sounds like you have an understanding boss, but sometimes in the thick of it we try to push on regardless but work doesn't matter at all at a moment like this.
If you need to you can take unpaid compassionate leave too.

I actually don't know. Which is hard. Got a message late last night about the readmission and waiting on more info today.

@Hunjii how is your Mum doing today?

Stable but still ventilated for now, her sats are good. They are unsure as to the extent of the heart damage.