LTB he's abusive posts but then told to leave him to parent his way

[Isthisexpected]

I find it really confusing when so many posts encourage women to LTB to protect children. Then there are so many telling concerned mothers that they can't expect to have any control over how the other parent parents. So many posters have to send their kids off to low level neglectful, shouty emotionally abusive homes where the parent displays all the same behaviour that LTB was advised for. But the emotionally safe parent isn't there to protect them anymore.

Why aren't courts more sensitive to the psychological needs of children? Why are men like this given so much parenting access when the reason their marriage has ended is due to abuse (often in the absence of any criminal proceedings)?

I have no answers but I have seen both sides of these threads once more today and it makes me feel so confused about how women can be so quick to tell other women what to do. What can be done?

Emotional abuse and low-level neglect is extremely hard to prove in court and would backlog the courts past the already enormous queue they have now.

It is one of the extremely unfortunate realities of finding you are co-parenting with an emotional abuser.

Personally I think the best way to approach it would be to provide much more comprehensive relationship advice to girls from the age of 10 onwards so that they are better able to spot the early, more subtle signs of an abusive personality and avoid having kids with those men.

There are several different points within your post.

Fathers are equal parents. If it’s been agreed or decided that a father should have contact with his children then their mother can’t expect to control what he does when he’s with them, any more than a father can expect to control what happens when children are with their mother. That’s why posters state that they have to back off.

What courts decide and why they do so and whether they’re correct to do is separate - but nobody should be advising anybody to defy a court order, and certainly not on the basis of somebody posting anonymously on MN.