Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm leaving my partner (abuse warning)

4 replies

Apple31 · 09/12/2024 21:50

I have decided today that I am leaving my partner of 12 years. It's not going to be easy and there is far too much abuse to write here. He has been emotionally abusive towards me since very early on. I have had therapy alone and therapy with him, ally doing, as I was tricked into believing I was the issue. He has cheated on me emotionally with many different women, I have no proof this went further, and I was told it was my fault. Well today, after him losing his temper with me again and punching the doors in my home, and also finding out he has been talking to another female co worker (and now deleting all their correspondence) I have decided I am not continuing the relationship.
My problem though is this . His family, I don't not speak to any longer due to his mother being abusive towards me because I disagreed with her on a very sensitive topic, he also said his upbringing was awful with his parents physically abusing eachother and cheating, so as we have a child together I don't want her going to their house if we split
Also we joint own our home, I'm currently out of work due to health issues but I volunteer from home, but I have no clue what will happen regarding me keeping my home, it was my home before him (it was council) and I was stupid enough to buy it with him something I regret. He has spent the day blaming me for him lying to me, said it's my fault he is the way he is and because I have not backed down this time he then resulted in apologising but again I've not accepted it. He ignores me when I cry and has never hugged me when I cry either. I know I'm stupid for staying this long but after therapy I feel stronger. Does anyone have advise on how I can stay in my home? I will not go to a hostel or refuge with my child and no way I'm leaving my dogs they have always been by my side and one is elderly and tbh I'm not letting him have my house. My sister is going to help me out with work and my parents are helping me get my car fixed (asked partner for months but fell on broken promises) so I can get to work I'm also going to continue volunteering as it's from home and I'm hoping the experience will help me to gain employment in this field later on. Please don't judge me on why I stayed so long I feel stupid enough as it is. But I can't bear the fact of having my child temporarily either, she's a very timid and emotional child and is very bonded to me I also do not trust him or his family to treat her well. Sorry for this long and strange post

OP posts:
LittleMousewithcloggson · 09/12/2024 21:56

You are not being unreasonable at all to want to leave him.
Really sorry you are going through this.
However you will not be able to have everything in the split on your terms.
Your husband will be able to see your child - possibly even 50-50 custody - and you will not be able to stop him taking his own child to see who he wants whilst he has them. The courts will even encourage relationships with extended family.
As regards the home, he owns half of it, simple as that
You may be able to stay there until your child is 18 - or you may have to sell up and move into rented/downsize
You need to get some legal advice asap

MyrtleStrumpet · 09/12/2024 22:14

I think leaving him is a good idea. Punching doors is a sign of uncontrolled temper.

Go and see the Citizens Advice people and see what they say.

SuperfluousHen · 09/12/2024 22:21

First reply nailed it.
sorry, OP it’s a horrific situation 😢

Endofyear · 09/12/2024 22:24

You need to get legal advice. If you both own the house jointly, unless you are able to buy him out, it's likely that you will have to sell it and split the proceeds. I think you're doing the right thing to separate, he sounds nasty and has treated you abominably. It sounds like you have good family support, it will be hard initially but so worth it in the long run. Good luck OP 💐

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread